Playoff Preview

MIRED IN MEDIOCRITY PLAYOFF PREVIEW

This will be a relatively short playoff preview for the Mired in Mediocrity fantasy football league. I think its safe to say that this has been an interesting year for both the NFL and fantasy football. LaDanian Tomlinson, this season’s consensus number 1 pick has been but a shell of his former self. The season ended for some in the first game of the season when Tom Brady went down for the year, affecting both Brady and Moss owners who likely spent first round picks on them. Kurt Warner, Phillip Rivers, Aaron Rodgers and Jay Cutler are currently the 2nd thru 5th rated QB’s in the league. Who saw that coming? Running back is even stranger with Michael Turner, Matt Forte, Thomas Jones and Deangelo Williams all ranked among the top of the position. At least the Wide Receivers represent a little bit of a return to normalcy. Though Moss and Owens aren’t 1-2 like most people had them at the start of the season, they remain in the top nine. In fact that only real surprise in the top 9 is Vincent Jackson, a receiver who is 6’6 and oozes potential (and one that I drafted every year until this year--brilliant) but can never seem to put it together. With all of that being said, let’s take a look at the 6 teams that made the playoffs and handicap the race.

The Longshots:

Team Small. Burned by a stunning lack of production from its top 3 picks to start the year, the fact that this team is even in the playoffs is no small feat (no pun intended). There is no doubt that Tomlinson’s production on Thursday night will be helpful, but the fact of the matter is, in the first game of the playoffs, Small goes up against a powerhouse of a team that dominated the league for much of the earlier part of the season and outscored Team Small by 120 total points this season. Assuming that Team Small is lucky enough to get past the Redeam Team, it still has to go against the number 2 seed, and then one of a host of teams from the other bracket; all of whom outscored Small this season. Team Small has a lot of pluck, but not enough to traverse that road successfully. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 50-1)

The Dundies. This team put up a valiant effort throughout much of the season, and is actually the surprise team of the league, at least of the teams that made it to the playoffs. Droppin Dueces was the surprise in how poorly that team fared, but that’s another story. Back to The Dundies. Had this team been able to defeat PainTrain in the last week of the season and earned a bye, it would have a much better shot at winning. But the fact of the matter is, The Dundies opponent has favorable matchups across the board, while The Dundies must rely on Matt Cassel and Sammy Morris to produce bigger than expected numbers against Seattle, and an angry Cardinals defense must score a couple of touchdowns in order for them to have a chance. A prospect that does not seem likely. Even if the Dundies does manage to pull of the upset, they will find a team that has not lost since September, waiting for them. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 45-1).

The Streaky Team:

Triple T’s PainTrain. One look at the numbers in the standings reveals that, at first glance, this team appears to have been more lucky than good. After all, they tied for the best record in the league despite having scored almost 70 points less than the team they tied with, and only 15 points more than Team Small. When you couple that with the fact that the second fewest points were scored against them, luck no doubt has played a part in PainTrain getting to where it is today. However, this is also a team that broke the 90 point barrier in 4 of the first 5 games of the season and finished the season with point totals of 94, 109, 113, and 104 points (while clinching the division title in a 63 point thrashing of The Dundies). In between those two streaks though, The PainTrain notched paltry totals of 35, 50 and 58 points. One would think this team would benefit greatly from the bye, but one must wonder how a week off will affect the team’s momentum. If the team stays hot it could win the whole thing effortlessly. But should Triple T’s PainTrain fall into a slump now, against this level of competition, there will be a massacre of epic proportions. (Totally random of odds of winning the championship: 15-1…yes, the bye lowers the odds tremendously).

The Returning Champion:

Evil Empire Champions. A year after riding Tom Brady’s magical arm to a championship, Evil Empire returns to the playoffs and is coming off a rather solid year. Injuries really took a toll on this team in the middle of the season when Westbrook and Bush were lost for significant periods of time and haven’t really been “right” even when they played. The owner did a magnificent job of juggling his roster and playing the hot hand each week and it has paid off in a big way. A team that loses its starting two running backs shouldn’t be able to succeed the way Evil Empire did. Luckily, Lance Moore turned into a top 10 wideout and Kurt Warner found the fountain of youth, allowing Larry Fitzgerald to have another standout year. Moore and Denver RB Payton Hills have been two of the real “finds” off the free agent list and must continue to produce for Evil Empire to return to glory. Evil Empire should have enough to get past The Dundies in the first round however, The Bay Benchwarmers will be the clear favorite in a second round match up. But those pundits predicting that Evil Empire won’t repeat should remember to never underestimate the heart of a champion (Totally random of odds of winning the championship: 10-1).

The Juggernaut:

Redeam Team. This is a team that outscored four of the other playoff teams by at least 80 points. It also had the second most points scored against it, yet it finished with a 9-4 record, meaning it took everyone’s best shot and kept on going. Drew Brees and Steve Slaton have been the engines that have kept this train going, and it’s doubtful a first round matchup against Team Small will do anything to change that. The only true question mark on this team is its heart, or rather, its ability to produce in the clutch. The team is run by the same owner that managed to miss the playoffs last season despite scoring the most points in the league. In the last game of this season, needing only a win to clinch the division it lost by 14 points to Evil Empire, when its owner over thought and made some panic decisions. With Redeam Team facing the number 6 seed as well as a weak number 2 seed, its path to the finals may just be easier than any other team in the playoffs. Despite not being listed as the favorite in this preview, anything less than a championship would be a massive disappointment for Redeam Team. Will it step up to the plate, or wrap two hands around its neck and squeeze? (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 4-1)

The Favorite:

Bay Benchwarmers. The owner of this team took over the team when it was 0-2 and ownerless. Since then, the team has won 10 of its last 11 games, including 9 in a row on its way to the second most points scored and the number one seed in the playoffs. Evil Empire and Bay Benchwarmers split their match ups this season, and Bay Benchwarmers beat The Dundies the only two times these teams faced off. The total difference in points from the two clashes with Evil Empire is just one point, so should those two teams play it will undoubtedly be a sight to see. There are some concerns surrounding this team, with Clinton Portis hobbled by an ankle injury, but overall, QB thru Kicker and bench, this is the most solid team in the league and the odds on favorite to win the championship. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 3-1).

I Don't Like Mondays...

The silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload.
And nobody's gonna go to school today,
She's going to make them stay at home.
And daddy doesn't understand it,
He always said she was as good as gold.
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

The telex machine is kept so clean
As it types to a waiting world.
And mother feels so shocked,
Father's world is rocked,
And their thoughts turn to
Their own little girl.
Sweet 16 ain't so peachy keen,
No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat.
They can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys a while.
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to die.
And then the bullhorn crackles,
And the captain crackles,
With the problems and the how's and why's.
And he can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to die?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

--The Boomtown Rats

Not to make light of a song that's based on the events of a school shooting in Canada, but...

As the song (and the event its based on where, when the girl who shot the school said she did it because she doesn't like Monday) goes, you don’t need a reason to not like Mondays, but here are a few reasons for some players in the Mired in Mediocrity fantasy league to not like Mondays:

• We start with Redeam Team who has to somehow overcome a whopping 76 point deficit on Monday night in order to start the season 2-0. Bolstered by a team that featured no players in double digit scoring and two players who put up 0 points, Redeam Team needs a miracle. Considering this team only has a TE, K, and Def/ST left to go, it doesn’t look hopeful. Instead it seems as though Sonsofbitches will get to 1-1, after benching Tony Romo in favor of Aaron Rodgers, and should be enjoying Monday quite a bit.
• Either Evil Empire Champions or Vero Beach Dirty Diapers will really hate Monday. Dirty Diapers find themselves with what seemingly is a comfortable 17 point lead. However, Champions still has 1^st round pick Brian Westbrook left to play on Monday night. Westbrook is entirely capable of getting 17 points, so Champions will likely be disappointed if it doesn’t come out with at least a tie after Monday night’s game. By the same token, Dirty Diapers must be staring at that -4 points contributed by TE Greg Olsen and praying that it won’t be the difference between a win and loss. Indeed, one of thee two won’t be happy with their Monday by the end of the night.
• Despite a heroic performance by the Giants’ defense, Team Small will spend its Monday much like Redeam Team, down by a bunch with really no hope for a come back. Team Dundies was bolstered by an outstanding performance from unheralded J.T. O’Sullivan. The last 3 QB’s to play in a Mike Martz system were Kurt Warner, Marc Bulger, and Jon Kitna. All three are still starting fantasy QB’s today. Looks like the Martz system has produced another standout in O’Sullivan. It also gives Dundies some extra leverage in any future trade talks, as the desperate need for a QB is no longer present.
• Droppin Deuces and Team Timbs will not be pleased upon reading this Monday morning. Their combined score wouldn’t even beat the winner of any other match up. And its not as though they have a bunch of players going on Monday night, either. Only the Eagles’ defense remains in play, and against that Cowboys offense, it is doubtful that the defense will produce many fantasy points. Sunday may have been the bad day, but Monday is the day they have to face it.
• In a battle of two teams that seem to have inactive owners, the Streetwalkers look like they will come out ahead despite starting Tom Brady at QB.
• Genesis of Iceman comes back to earth after a stellar week 1 performance and will likely fall to Triple T’s PainTrain. But the owner of PainTrain is fairly distraught as well on Monday as the Jaguars have fallen to 0-2 and are riddled with injuries in a year in which they were one of the favorites in the AFC.

The Devil Collects

Dear Mr. Brady,

As per our agreement, I am collecting on my end of the contract we signed on September 23, 2001. You remember that day don’t you? It’s the day that I sent that crazy Jets’ linebacker crashing into Drew Bledsoe nearly killing him. You became the likeable everyman soon after that, and you thought everything was going well I’m sure. No one quite knew what to make of you as the Patriots headed to the playoffs and I could feel your dissatisfaction. And since I am semi-honorable, I gave you a chance to get out of the deal when I injured you in the divisional round of the playoffs and let Drew Bledsoe start in the AFC championship game. All you had to do was sit out of that Super Bowl and you could’ve gone back to your old life as a career backup. But you wanted to play so I made that happen. Your fate was sealed on that day, Mr. Brady.

Just like you wanted, I gave you five full seasons free from interference from that day forward. You managed to grab another couple of rings, a few MVP awards and a hot actress all on your own. But all good things must come to an end, especially when you make a deal with me. I told you when we made the deal that I would collect your soul in my own special way. I’m sure you thought I exacted my price when Bridget Moynahan ended up knocked up while you were not so secretly sleeping with “butter face” Giselle (seriously Tom, you can do better than that, especially when you are on borrowed time). But no, that was just more of a fun little joke on my part. Despite reports to the contrary, I do have a pretty wicked sense of humor.

Perhaps when that whole Spygate thing started and I tarnished your team’s legacy you thought that your end of the bargain had finally been fulfilled. Sadly for you though, Spygate actually had almost nothing to do with you. That was my collection from your coach. What? How else do you think a guy who got run out of Cleveland after two miserable seasons got to be known as a genius?

Maybe you thought David Tyree’s helmet catch was my doing, but that was the work of my good friend Karma. See, when you throw for 50 touchdowns in one year by passing on 4th down while you are up by 30 against a two win team, it’s not good for karma. And if you do it enough, Karma eventually becomes very angry and is fortunately very creative in exacting its revenge. I mean, could there be any other possible explanation for a 4th string wide receiver catching a ball against his helmet on 4th down all while being pummeled by the most violent safety of this generation? Karma really can be a bitch.

But I had my own fun with you that game. I made sure your foot was hurt so you lost just enough mobility to prevent you from being able to get away from those crazy Giant pass-rushers. I also made sure your linemen forgot how to block at some key moments. I know you aren’t stupid Mr. Brady, so maybe you knew that I had a hand in that. Maybe that’s why you sat out the entire pre-season this year, fearful of what I might do to you. But you had to know that as soon as the season started you’d be on that field, and so would I. I was going to wait another game just to give you some false hope. But when I saw that you weren’t listed on the injury report for the first time in your entire CAREER, I couldn’t pass up this wonderful chance at irony.

The hit by Bernard Pollard wasn’t a cheap shot, but then you know that already. Pollard thinks that you were screaming in pain because he hit you too hard, but we both know better. You would’ve shaken that hit off it wasn’t for me, and I’m sure you knew that. All it takes a little mental snipping of some scissors, and pop goes your Achilles tendon. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to mess with your season (after all, I have your soul for all of eternity) so that is why there was some doubt as to the seriousness of the injury on Monday morning, and some hope that you would be back before the end of the season. Thousands of Patriot fans, millions of frontrunners, CBS, and ESPN were praying that would be the case, but amidst those prayers I heard two voices that sealed your fate. One was from Bridget Moynahan who was hoping you would die, but even I thought that was a little extreme, especially since knocking her up was partly my doing.

The other one was from Matt Cassel, you know your backup QB? He just wanted a chance. What you thought you and Coach Belicheat were the only ones that had me on speed dial? Mr. Cassel kind of reminds me of you from a few years ago, so we’ll see what kind of deal he wants to cut with me. Who knows, you may be back sooner than expected. But if Mr. Cassel offers me a sweet enough deal, well, we all know what happened to Drew Bledsoe don’t we?

Your friend and partner in eternity,

The Devil


P.S. I hope you don’t mind, but I used you as a reference when Aaron Rodgers, Sarah Palin, and Michael Phelps came to me earlier this summer. My credibility took a little hit when I failed with Rex Grossman. Even my skills couldn’t help that guy.

Draft Recap

Last year I provided a draft recap analyzing what I thought were the best and worst picks of each round. With 12 teams this year, there is more for me to get through, but I’ll try to be as thorough as possible. As always, if you disagree with me, let me know….and I’ll tell you that you are an idiot.

Round 1

Best Pick: It would be easy to give best pick to Team Small who drafted LaDanian Tomlinson with the first pick. After all, he is clearly the best player in fantasy. And most of the other picks in the round went right around where they were supposed to go. However, one pick that stands out to me is Tony Romo taken with the 12^th overall selection by Dirty SonsofBitches. With the offense Romo plays in, he could have a Bradyesque year. I know people say it’s a waste to draft QB’s early in the draft, considering the value that can be found in later rounds. However, the game is changing and the top QB’s are increasingly putting up numbers that rival the best RB’s. When you consider the fact that a first round pick should be risk free. The available RB’s were questionable at this point and that Romo is the clear number 2 QB this year, it all adds up to the best pick of Round 1.

Worst Pick: I am really down on Frank Gore (drafted by The Dundies) this year. He struggled last year and has a horrible team around him this year, with the immortal J.T. O’Sullivan as the 49ers QB. Some may point out that Mike Martz is the new offensive coordinator for SF which should lead to better stats for Gore this year. After all this is the same coordinator who took Marshall Faulk from very good to superstar. I’m not buying it though. When Martz was the coordinator for the pass happy lions the last two years, Detroit RB’s Kevin Jones and Tatum Bell didn’t exactly set the world on fire. And let’s not forget, Steven Jackson had his big year in St. Louis after Martz left. Throw in the fact that Gore has never been a huge TD maker, and you have a player that I would have avoided like the plague. On the plus side, at least Eric can root for a player from his favorite team.

Round 2

Best Pick: Marion Barber going to The Genesis of Iceman with the 14^th overall pick in the draft was a stroke of luck for the team. Barber has been going higher than that in many mock drafts. He is a beast and the featured goal line back, so he won’t have to worry about losing cheap touchdowns to his backup. There are a few concerns however, as it is tough to imagine his body holding up for a full 16 game schedule due to his punishing running style. Also, his backup is Felix Jones from Arkansas, the same school that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones went to. So it’s a safe bet that Jones will see plenty of time on the field one way or another. Yet even with these worries, Barber, in that offense, just may end up being a top 5 back by the end of the year.

Worst Pick: Larry Johnson, picked by Dirty Sonsofbitches. Read what I wrote above. All of that could have applied to this team, except they bypassed Barber for Larry Johnson. It’s hard to imagine that the man who spent most of last year injured and plays for a team that has no QB, and no offensive line, making a huge resurgence this year. Johnson is really no better or worse than Lewis, McGahee, or most of the other picks that followed him. So, tt wouldn’t be an awful pick except for the fact that Barber was still on the board.

Round 3

Best Pick: Drew Brees to the Redeam Team. Getting the 3^rd or 4^th Best QB in a league where there are clearly 5 top QBs is a big deal. Getting him after the other 4 are gone is even better. Brees has put up monster numbers each of the last two seasons, though his efforts were slightly diminished last year due to his team’s losing ways. All in all though, the pick represents excellent value in Round 3.

Worst Pick: Darren McFadden to Triple T’s PainTrain. McFadden plays for the passing game challenged Oakland Raiders. He is now PainTrain’s number 1 running back. McFadden is an upright runner who has had problems hanging on to the football. This can’t be good. This is the problem of eschewing the RB position in the first two rounds of the draft. Despite getting the top two WR’s in the league, PainTrain was forced to reach for a back in round 3, thereby passing up Marques Colston who would is a stellar pick in round 3. This award almost went to Droppin Deuces for taking Chad Johnson and his torn labrum over Colston.

Round 4

Best Pick: Steve Smith by Dirty SonsofBitches. Yes, I know that he’ll be out the first two games of the season for punching his teammate, yes his teammate, in the face. However, this was the first WR taken last year in most drafts. He had a down year last year because of injuries and the fact that Carolina started 4 QB’s. But he is money when paired with Jake Delhomme, and Delhomme looks to be back at full strength this year.

Worst Pick: Fred Taylor to Dirty Diapers. Everyone knows I am a huge Jacksonville fan, but I really don’t like this pick. Fred Taylor is an amazing player, the best in the Jaguars short history. However, he just doesn’t find the endzone that often. He’ll rack up a decent number of 100 yard games, especially as the weather cools down, but with MJD and Greg Jones around, he’ll lose out on a lot of goal line carries. Taylor can be a valuable fantasy player, but this is a few rounds too early for him to be selected.

Round 5

Best Pick: Matt Hasselback to Evil Empire Champions. After solidifying the team for the first four rounds, Champions drafted the last QB without any serious question marks. Despite the fact that QB’s flew off the board in the first four rounds, Champions’ patience truly paid off. An argument could even be made that Hasselback as a better QB than the three (Palmer, Anderson, and McNabb) taken before him.

Worst Pick: Lendale White by Genesis of Iceman. Lendale White will waddle his way to a decent number of scores this year, and the Titans usually have a good rushing team. But White will also be splitting carries with lightning quick rookie Chris Johnson. Additionally, you never want your 5^th round pick to be 35 pounds over his listed weight, especially when that player is a running back listed at 235 lbs.

Round 6

Best Pick: Marvin Harrison by Evil Empire Champions. In truth, no one really knows if Harrison is healthy or how his legal troubles might affect him this season. However, Harrison was a potential first round pick last season and has fallen all the way down to the 6^th round. If he can recapture some of the Manning to Harrison chemistry that existed before last season, this pick will have been a steal.

Worst Pick: Julius Jones by Team Timbs. Despite the fact that Jones started all 16 games last season for the Cowboys, he was merely a serviceable handcuff to Marion Barber. Now that he is running behind a Seattle line that is a but a shell of its former self, and in a 4 way competition for carries, I just can’t imagine that Jones will put up better numbers this year. Unless of course he is actually really good, its just that Barber was that much better. Somehow, I don’t buy that argument.

Round 7

Best Pick: Jerricho Cotchery by Triple T’s PainTrain. First it was Antonio Freeman. Then it was Donald Driver. Last season it was Greg Jennings. Every few years Brett Favre picks out a favorite receiver and any time he gets in trouble will look for that guy. The stats for these players are usually ridiculously high relative to their “name” value, and this year everyone expects that it will be Cocthery. Of course, it could be Laverneus Coles and then I’d be screwed. By with a 7^th round pick, that’s an acceptable risk. Especially considering Coles is in love with Chad Pennington, the new QB of the Miami Dolphins.

Worst Pick: Rudi Johnson by Redeam Team. While its true that Johnson has since been cut by the Bengals and landed in a backup role with the Detroit Lions, at the time this pick was made Johnson couldn’t even get on the field in the 4^th quarter of a preseason game. The writing was on the wall that he was going to get cut, yet Redeam Team drafted him anyways. Even if he winds up with the starting job with the Lions, Johnson is far from the back that used to reward his owners with 12 TD’s and 1100 yards every season. He’s no longer very good, and neither was this pick.

Round 8

Best Pick: Chester Taylor to The Dundies. Adrian Peterson will get hurt this year. It’s a fact. He has gotten injured every year since his sophomore year in college. Taylor will already receive most of the 3^rd down looks (as he is a much better receiver than Peterson) while Peterson is healthy, and when Peterson goes down Taylor’s production will increase that much more. The Vikings have a very good offensive line and Taylor is a solid back. If AP is out for any length of time, Taylor could eventually become a top 10 RB.

Worst Pick: Chargers D/ST to Droppin’ Dueces. The old fantasy adage is that you never pick a defense or kicker until the last two rounds of any fantasy draft. And even though that doesn’t necessarily hold true for defenses, the 8^th round is too early for one, especially considering this one’s star linebacker will attempt to play the season with two torn knee tendons. Additionally, for all the press the Chargers’ D gets, they had the lowest number of QB pressures last year.

Round 9

Best Pick: Nate Burelson by Redeam Team. The Seattle WR corps has been decimated by injury leaving Burleson as the clear number 1 option. And though I like the picks of Gonzalez by Champions and Rodgers by SonsofBitches, the fact of the matter is, a number one WR in the pass happy Seattle offense should put up pretty good numbers. Now consider the fact that this is the 9^th round, and that equals great value.

Worst Pick: Ahmad Bradshaw by Palm Bay Street Walkers. It would be easy here to again go with defense, or even Kurt Warner (seriously, what moron picks QB’s in back to back rounds? Oh, that would be me. Brilliant!), I’m going to go with Bradshaw for this one. Though he had a great playoffs, Bradshaw is not a lock to be the backup to Brandon Jacobs (he is competing with Derrick Ward who was drafted one round later). We’ll have to wait and see how the first part of the season plays out to determine if he has potential as a 3^rd down running back or not. Don’t get me wrong, I think he has some fantasy value, but if he didn’t win the backup role, I just don’t know if it will be that much.

Round 10

Best Pick: Chris Johnson to Triple T’s PainTrain. The Titans had the 5^th best rushing offense in the league last year, despite the fact that fat Lendale White was their featured back. This year, with carries being split about 50-50 between White and Johnson, and Johnson the much more explosive back, I’d expect Johnson to put up pretty good numbers. He is being hailed as a sleeper by many the expert, and I think after the first few games, many will see why.

Worst Pick: Robbie Gould to Dirty SonsofBitches. Never take a kicker before the last round of the draft. The difference between the top kicker and the 12^th best kicker last year was something like 2.8 points per game. Nick Folk and Mason Crosby, two of last year’s top kickers weren’t even drafted last season. Those kickers benefited from explosive offensive teams. Gould certainly will not.

Round 11

Best Pick: Vincent Jackson to Droppin Deuces. Jackson plays in the high powered Chargers offense and often gets overshadowed in terms of fantasy. However is a 6’6 receiver and excellent target for Phillip Rivers to throw to in the redzone. With teams doubling Antonio Gates, wary of LT coming out of the backfield and Chris Chambers going over the middle, Jackson will almost always see one on one coverage. And at that height, what CB will be able to stop a lob to the back corner of the endzone? Though there are concerns about his continued development, he presents excellent value in the 11^th round.

Worst Pick: Vince Young by Redeam Team. Last Year Young threw for 9 TD’s. Nine! But that’s okay because he also threw 17 picks. In our format with touchdowns worth 4 points and interceptions worth minus 2, Young’s TD’s would yield 36 points and his interceptions would subtract 34 from that. So basically Young netted a whopping two fantasy points between his TD’s and INT’s. But wait, you say that Young is more than just passing. That he makes plays on the ground too. Maybe two seasons ago when he rushed for 550 yards and 7 TD’s in only 13 games. But last season he rushed for only 395 yards and 3 TD’s in 15 games. Oh and he fumbled 10 times as well. Vince Young is O-VER-RAT-ED.

Round 12

Best Pick: Chris Perry to Team Small. Its not often that you can find a starting RB in the 12^th round of a fantasy draft, yet Team Small managed to pull it off. Perry is a talented back who will finally get his chance to prove he is a true number 1 now that Rudi Johnson has been cut. It will be interesting to see if he can hold off Kenny Watson, but even if this becomes a split backfield, Perry in the 12^th round is a great value.

Worst Pick: Javon Walker by Genesis of Iceman. Walker used to be a third round pick in fantasy every year, but he is no longer the same receiver he once was. He’s coming off a lost season due to knee surgery (never a good sign for a speed WR) and a summer in which he was found unconscious on the sidewalk of The Strip in Las Vegas. After signing a $50 million deal he then contemplated retirement. But those problems all pale compared to the fact that he is a receiver for the Raiders, meaning he has offensive tackle sized Jamarcus Russel throwing him the ball. Russel has the biggest arm in the game, but isn’t accurate and will be wheezing and waddling for his life behind that porous Raiders line.

Round 13

Best Pick: Amani Toomer by Vero Beach Dirty Diapers. Toomer has something like the 5^th most redzone targets in the past two seasons amongst all WR’s. Meaning he has developed into quite the security blanket for Eli Manning in the redzone. If Dirty Diapers experiences any injury to his starting WR’s, Toomer should be a capable fill in.

Worst Pick: Alex Smith by Genesis of Iceman. In any other situation, I would’ve given this honor to my pick as I selected a defense before the second to last round of the draft. However, even though I know Genesis of Iceman was on autodraft, it sucks to have a backup QB who is actually a real life backup on his own team. Backup QB’s in the NFL have no fantasy value because unlike backup RB’s, they will never even see the field unless the starter goes down. And while it is quite conceivable that the venerable JT O’Sullivan could suck or get injured, nobody should want a 49ers QB, even with Mad Mike Martz as the offensive coordinator.

Round 14

Best Pick: Sammy Morris by The Dundies. Morris was a solid fantasy starter last season when Maroney went down. Everyone knows the Pats will be blowing a lot of teams out this season again, and Morris will be there to pick up those garbage yardage and TD’s that will be the result of the Patriots trying to run out the clock.

Worst Pick: Ahman Green by Dummy Team. I know everything is a crapshoot at this time of the draft, and that Green could very well turn out to be the starter in Houston. However, he hasn’t been healthy since his first few seasons in Green Bay and has virtually no upside. Its not like he’ll explode for a 1,000 yard season all of a sudden.

Round 15

Best Pick: Eagles D/St by Team Timbs. This is when you are supposed to take a defense, and its proof positive that even if you wait until the penultimate round, you can still snag a great one. The Eagles unit is not quite what they used to be, but by waiting until now to select them, Team Timbs was able to get depth at other positions.

Worst Pick: Tatum Bell by Palm Bay Street Walkers. There was no atrociously bad pick in this round, but by choosing Tatum Bell I can now tell this story and reward any readers who for some odd reason have stuck with me this long. After Rudi Johnson was cut by the Bengals a couple of days ago, he was signed by the Lions to backup Kevin Smith and maybe eventually compete for the starting job. As Johnson was in the Lions’ press room talking to the media, he left his bags outside the door. Well, it seems that someone walked by and stole the bags while Johnson was in the press room. The bags were Gucci and contained Johnson’s underwear and credit cards. Eventually Johnson got the bags back but they were empty. The person who took the bags was caught on tape. It was none other than Tatum Bell, the running back who was cut to create room for Johnson. Now Bell has Johnson’s underwear and cancelled credit cards (though he denies he has them), and Johnson has Bell’s old job. Good Times!

Round 16

Best Pick: Rob Bironas by Triple T’s PainTrain. Bironas was a top 3 kicker last year and I took him in the last round. Wait on kickers people! You can always pull one out of free agency if yours doesn’t work out.

Worst Pick: Anyone who is not a kicker because that means you wasted an earlier pick on a kicker.

Alright, who made it to the end? If you did, thanks for reading!

Frontrunners Shot On Sight

It’s been a long time since I have been so motivated to write an article for the sports blog, so first let me say welcome to EvilEmperorDave. Congrats on a brilliantly written article. When I first read the title, I was ready to systemically pick it to pieces. I was geared up to destroy any notion that being a bandwagon fan was somehow okay. I mean after all, the article essentially condones committing perhaps the worst sin in all of sports: bandwagon jumping or frontrunning as the author refers to it. As it has been said, bandwagon fans are the sporting world’s equivalent to pedophiles and dogfighters. So there I was, ready to shank the author (hey, gotta stick with the prison theme right? At least there was no punishment doled out American History X style) when something odd happened.

I couldn’t do it.

That’s not to say I agree with his position. Hell no. But the refreshing thing about having a new writer on here is having a new perspective. You see, I live in the sports world. I probably spend more time thinking/reading/talking sports than everyone else who reads this site combined (which might be a decent explanation of why I am currently single while this new author lives with his girlfriend…well that, and many many other reasons). Additionally, I don’t want to talk serious sports with you (you in the figurative sense of course, otherwise I’d have no readers at all) if you only kind of know what you are talking about. I don’t have the heart to tell you where you are wrong. That the Patriots and Giants played three times this year, including pre-season. That a penalty that occurs away from the play should still be called, even if it offends your sense of justice. It all infuriates me. If you want to learn, I’ll help. But you have to ask. Otherwise you are standing in my world wearing the 1970’s NBA short shorts to go along with knee high socks, Reebok pumps and a Hakeem Olajuwan Toronto Raptors jersey, thinking you fit in. And in reality you are just standing there, in the middle of my world, looking like a jackass. Point being, the sports perspective is my perspective, and I view everything through those Gatorade tinted glasses. And despite being a student of the law (sounds better than law student, doesn’t it?), it’s hard for me to see things any other way.

Anyways, the point of the nearly 400 word rant above is that this author’s article is so profoundly different from anything I usually read about sports. It was five paragraphs before the author even used sports to make his point. Five! Instead we are treated to such light hearted topics as the Vietnam War and, wait for it….welfare moms with “factories in their pants”. Hilarious! But back to the subject matter itself. I thoroughly enjoyed the angle about those who are frontrunners in life. I know a lot of that was tongue in cheek, but I can relate in a way. I feel bad for homeless veterans, but aside from giving money to the Salvation Army or something like that, I have never done anything to help them. I’ll never be able to top the welfare mom comment, so let’s just move on. And finally, living out here in LA, I don’t feel bad at all for famous people who go crazy; I also hate the TMZ’s of the world who think it’s their job to report this crap, and the people who read it. Do I think I am better than them? Yes, with the exception of the veterans, because damn if I wouldn’t have been a draft dodger back then. But anyways, I have strayed from my point.

All that real world stuff aside, and it does provide a good philosophical point of view from where the author is coming from, the premise of the article is that picking the underdog has become the new “front running” thing to do in sports. I think that this is certainly an interesting proposition. Take the Rocky movies for example. As everyone who knows me knows, I am a huge Rocky fan (not including V, which made my eyes bleed). What is the idea behind Rocky? It’s putting the character into every impossible situation the writers could dream of, just so he can “overcome”. In the first movie, Rocky was a bouncer with no real training, dated a semi-retarded girl who ran a pet store, and had to fight the heavy weight champ. In the second movie, Rocky is semi-retarded with a speech impediment, has a semi-retarded wife in the hospital, and still has to fight the heavy weight champ. In the third movie, Rocky is rich and the champ, so we can’t root for him until his trainer dies, Mr. T propositions his semi-retarded wife and “Eye of the Tiger” is played during his training scenes. In the fourth movie Rocky is rich and retired so we can’t root for him until his best friend is killed by Drago, he has to fight in Russia on Christmas, and he has to climb a million mile high mountain with no gear and his semi-retarded wife doesn’t want him to fight to begin with. And yet, we cheered for him every damn time he “overcame” these obstacles. We all wanted to root for the underdog. It made us feel good. It made us feel damn good.

So yes, in that sense rooting for the underdog is the frontrunning thing to do. Come on, don’t you think that if they made a movie out of this NFL season everyone would be rooting for the Giants? I mean rooting for the Patriots would have been like rooting for Ivan Drago. But while rooting for the underdog is nice in theory (and in movies), how many people actually do it? Let’s back up a minute. Let’s view this in the context of real life sports and the diehard sports fan (is it sad that the author of the article referenced real life events before getting into sports, and I referenced “Rocky” before getting into sports?). I’ll keep this in terms of football since it is a good reference point. The vast majority of casual fans (those who watch the Super Bowl and maybe some of the playoffs) like teams because they win. People in general, invariably root for the favorite. In theory that’s not so bad. Who the hell wants to root for a loser anyway? And when you are a casual fan who pops in and out of the sports world, it’d be a drag to always pick the losing team. If you believe, as I do, that the casual sports fan outnumbers the diehard, then the reason you notice people who root for the underdog is because they stick out. They are a rarer breed. The author’s theory of rooting for the underdog as being the chic thing to do does not actually hold up in the sports world.

As I mentioned before, the inhabitants of the sports world are largely the diehard fan. The diehard football fan almost always has a favorite team. Whether it is due to geography, a favorite player, or their father’s allegiance, most fans live and die with a certain team. My team is the Jacksonville Jaguars. Now I am not over the top, I don’t believe the Jaguars should win every game, or that every player can do no wrong. Nor do I refer to them as “we”, as in “we would’ve won that game if only we threw deep more often and tackled better”. I am not a 350 pound 6’5 man who can bench press 400 pounds, nor am I someone who can throw a football 50 yards or run 40 yards in 4.2 seconds. Hell I can’t even kick a football straight. So I’ll leave the “we’s” to those blessed enough to play on a team. That being said, I can probably name Jacksonville’s entire 53 man roster, recite their schedule including wins and losses last season, and tell you who is under contract for next season. Being a diehard fan is about obsession, and I am obsessed. I mean what is “fan” short for? Fanatical, of course. Even though I consider myself a more rational fan, I can barely breathe during Jaguar games. When bye weeks roll around, I need it as much as the team does, because then I can actually spend a Saturday without a knot in my stomach as the minutes tick by until game day.

So any argument the author makes that is couched in reality entirely misses the point. I am not here to argue about why diehard fans rarely root for the favorite. Perhaps it’s because, they cheated. Perhaps its because the media shoves teams like the Red Sox, Patriots and Yankees down our throats every 5 minutes, and I can’t go to ESPN.com without seeing a story about how Tom Brady’s excrement is the best smelling of all time. Or maybe it just boils down to simple jealousy. The favorite has what we all want. They are the team that is expected to win the super bowl.

But I think, therein lies the reason that so many of us diehards hate, and I mean hate with a passion, front running fans. These “fans” that jump on the bandwagon of winning teams don’t go through the agony that we go through. They don’t live and die with every possession of their favorite team. They are not haunted by losses, by the constant “what-ifs”. They don’t have all that animosity built up from years of rooting for a team only to see that team fail and fail again. Sure that might make the frontrunners’ victories less sweet, but who cares when you can have them every year? So the Pats-Steelers-Colts-Pats fan gets to show up to some super bowl party adorned in the gear of “destiny’s” team and rub it in the faces of everyone else whose team never made it there. The logical answer for us diehards is to not be diehards. To take the route of the frontrunner, to back the favorite every year, and come out ahead nearly every time. But what do we do? We hate. We channel the passion that we have for our one team and we turn it into hatred. Some of it goes towards the favored team, but a lot of it goes to that frontrunning fan. We hate that fan. You put us in a room with a frontrunner, especially a frontrunner who is cheering “his” team on, and nine times out of ten there will be some kind of altercation. That’s what makes this Super Bowl so sweet. The frontrunner came adorned in Pats gear, and left with the harsh reality that he backed a loser. Welcome to a little taste of our world. Asshole.

There is a certain kind of camaraderie amongst diehards. I respect the diehard patriot fan. I might be tired of hearing from him, but I was on his side in 2001 when the Pats upset the Rams. Hell, I even respect the Lakers diehard, as much as I hate the team itself. We are all bound by the same torment. We all understand what it is like to foster that love-hate relationship with our chosen team. The hatred is not for our team, but instead for the agony that is attached to each loss suffered by the team we love so greatly. So for the author to say frontrunning is the way to go, it makes sense from an outside world. But, from my sports obsessed world it is complete lunacy. To cut and run now would be to lose a piece of our souls.

I’ll leave you with this; ESPN.com did a poll they released in their magazine. Fans of all 30 teams that did not make the Super Bowl were asked to vote on who they wanted to win it all. For every single team, the fans picked the Giants. Like I said, some of that could have to do with diehards hating the favorite for a number of reasons, and the fairness argument the author makes is hardly undeniable. However, you better for damn sure believe that there is also a part of us that wants to look the frontrunning son of a bitch fan right in the eye and tell him to put his mouth on the damn curb.


Rational? Not hardly.

Fanatical? Absofuckinglutely.

Front-running is the only way to run

I went to a SB party. I rooted for the Patriots. No one else did. This is about why they were wrong not to front-run like me.

I submit, as a rule-of-thumb, that Americans are closet front-runners. You can see it everywhere. We hate homeless beggars for losing the Vietnam War. Nobody looks at a welfare-mom and says, "There's a factory in those pants making underdogs I can root for." Instead we secretly judge her for dragging down our collective winner quotient (wq). I would think that a people that values the underdog would feel sorry for the famous that ran into bad times. Instead we kick them while they're down with our gossip shows and stand-up jokes. Sounds like something a bunch of front-running bastards would do, doesn't it?

You're probably looking in the mirror right now, shocked at the realization of what you've become and vowing to change your ways. Stop right there. Embrace it, make it your friend. Don't feel bad. This isn't about rooting for real-life underdogs, or worse, helping them. I was only a making a point that you can do this. You can be like me. This is about rooting for favorites in sports.

I'm going to state something that will blow up all your notions of being a front-runner. Rooting for the underdog is more like front-running than front-running is. In order to explain that last sentence, I'll have to go over the details of why underdoggers hate front-runners.

Front-running is merely picking the favorite. One reason why the practice is hated, is because it's supposedly the "easy" pick. Outside of gambling, I believe it is actually easier to pick the underdog for two reasons. One, picking the underdog is often trendy. I would say it's sort of anti-trendy in that the reason people pick the underdog is to go against that which is fashionable and yet it ironically becomes the fashionable thing to do. The second reason is that the underdogger has the security blanket of knowing that it's ok if his team loses because they weren't expected to win anyway. A front-runner, however, is a manly man in a world of pansies ready to take responsibility for his pick.

The other reason I can think of for the anti-front-runner mentality is about fairness. Normally, the favorite has had an unusual amount of good fortune. Getting quality players at firesale prices, for instance. Maybe they have a lot money to work with like the New York Yankees. Perhaps it's about the amount of love the team gets from the media. Cheating. In most peoples' minds these advantages are unfair. I counter that these people are stupid, literally. Studies done by monkey-studying people have shown that both monkeys and humans make equally irrational decisions because of our obsession with fairness. Decisions like rooting for losers. You know what that tells me? That tells me that you underdoggers could have your shit bamboozled by a monkey if it made you think it was fair. Besides, complaining about fairness is a whiny-bitch thing to do. Kind of like what people might accuse a front-runner of being.

Finally, underdoggers don't like arrogance as if knowing that you're the best is wrong. I say it's arrogance for the underdog to think they can beat the favorite. Besides, front-runners know there is a structure and heirarchy to the game, and everyone has their place. In their world this is the order of NFL teams:

1. Giants - Go Giants!

2. Patriots - I'm glad I'm not a fan.

.

.

.

31. Dolphins

32. Bears - For people who like cuddly-wuddly things?

In the underdog world everything is chaotic:
1. Giants - Go Giants, but not if you are now the favorite.

1. Patriots - I root for you now?

.

.

1. Dolphins - It's like rooting for the underdog of underdogs.

32. Bears - No.

I shudder at the thought of a world where people would root for Dolphins.

So I have established that picking underdogs is a front-running thing to do, and therefore you might as well be a front-runner. Here's a list some of things to do with your new-found enlightenment:

• Remember, you are the Buddha of loyalty. Attachment is pain. Expand this philosophy to other realms of life. Your dog? You don't love it. Unless it's #1, then it makes sense to.

• Evil villains are a natural pick for front-runners. For the plot to go anywhere, they have to be pretty powerful and the odds need to be in their favor. Watch some movies and empathize with the antagonist. I almost cried for Cloverfield until I thought about how happy it was eating all those people.

Downward Spiral

With the Bears' season over before the playoffs started, football has lost a little meaning. And with the Bulls' season not looking so good, barring a coaching change, basketball is losing it's appeal too. But there's the Blackhawks...honestly haven't lived up to my commitment to watch hockey this year. Thankfully, I think I only told one person the commitment. Did watch some of the winter classic though. Guess that should count. It is more hockey than I watched at this point in the season last year. So, commitment fulfilled.

On the Bears:

Glad they went out with a bang. Good to know Peterson didn't break 200 yards again and great to see them dominate the Packers. Not all was lost. Hopefully be able to continue that momentum into next year. Grossman will have to fight (as the Judge puts it) porn-stached Orton for his job back. Maybe Brennan? Either way, if the D can get back in their game the QB position should be the only problem. Especially since we have our own Peterson...

Moving on with the Bulls:

Dropping Skiles? Hope that's the smart move. Good luck Skiles and thanks for the resurrection. As for the team, they should be performing better than they are regardless of coaching. Too much talent on that team to be playing like they are. Not that they are the Celtics or anything but, definitely not the Knicks.

Time for Bolling:

No, I didn't spell it wrong. Not the sport bowling but, the director/producer/writer, Uwe Boll. This guy has to be one of the worst directors of all time if not the worst. Of course, this is all just personal opinion (a lot of people's personal opinion), but I am yet to see a even decent movie from him. Nobody I know that has seen any of his work has disagreed with me. He makes the live-action Dead or Alive and Super Mario Bros. look like masterpieces. This man seems hell bent on destroying game franchises one at a time. It's not like you expect anything good to come out of a movie based on a game, but you certainly don't expect the stuff Boll spews out. Given all that, at least he stands by his work and doesn't change his views for anyone or anything. Not always a good thing for the movie-goer. Oh well, to each his own.