Mired in Mediocrity

The First Third

2009-10-09T00:24:00.000-07:00

One third of the regular season is over, so it is time for a quick review. Usually these things are longer, but I’ve been busy lately. Oh, but first, who has the scarier face in the picture? The alien looking Tila Tequila or Lights (and apparently, Game) Out Shawn Merriman? I think its Tequila. By the way, if you accuse someone of Merriman's size of choking you and throwing you to the ground, don't you think you'd at least have some bruises or something to show for it? Couldn't she at least have pulled a Jim Carrey in Liar Liar and beaten herself up so it would look more convincing? Anyways, on to my thoughts on the season:

Best Team

I’m All Out of Gum: Last year’s league champion is off to a hot start once again. After a season in which he only lost one game after taking over for an unowned 0-2 team, I’m All Out of Gum is tied for the best record in the league and has scored the third most points so far. MJD has been his usual self, Phillip Rivers has been throwing more than anyone thought, and DeSean Jackson has played like a number one WR despite being projected as a number three or fringe two at best. However, the thing that has really helped this team has been the play of the defense. In three wins, the defense started by I’m All Out of Gum has scored a total of 69 points. That kind of performance is generally unsustainable, so it will be interesting to see if this run of semi-luck continues for the rest of the season, and what the owner does to compensate if it does not.

Worst Team

Big Ass Tits: A 1-3 record and starting injured players and players who are on a bye week makes this team dreadful at the moment. In actuality, the team itself isn’t that bad, but an absentee owner is certainly not helping matters. If the owner of the team reappears, then this team could be headed for a rebound.

Most Surprising Team

Rickety Cricket: I mean no offense to the owner of this team, but he probably has the least football knowledge of anyone playing in this league. Yet, Rickety Cricket leads the league in scoring after the first trimester. The Frank Gore injury has been successfully navigated, but the team is still loaded with players with health concerns so the injury report will likely dictate the outcome of this team’s season. Clearly though, when everyone is healthy this team can be a force.

Most Disappointing Team

JCVD’s Superstars: A top 3 QB (the same one that I called the worst pick of my draft…brilliant!), two WR’s that are currently ranked 1 and 3 at their position, the second best RB, the second most points scored in the league and a 1-3 record (and the only team to lose to the above mentioned worst team). There is nothing like collecting a team full of talented big name players only to watch the team continue to underachieve. This must be what Jerry Jones feels like—you know if he could actually feel anything after all that plastic surgery.

Quick Notes on Each Team (In No Particular Order)

JCVD’s Superstars: Too much talent to continue their losing ways. Unless of course they lose to Pissing Excellence this week. Then it’s over.

Winning’s A Brees: There is no way Drew Brees gets shutout on TD passes for two consecutive weeks the rest of the season. Plus Steve Slaton and Knowshon Moreno look to be coming on strong.

Team Doe: Or Team “Dumb Name” as one owner put it. Will this team be able to collect all of the relevant Cowboys fantasy players? Will it be a stupid move if it happens? Either way, I’m rooting for it.

Rickety Cricket: Schaub, Jackson, Gore, Walter, Gates, Avery. Is there enough depth of both players and ownership knowledge to overcome the injuries these players are likely to sustain throughout the season?

Big Ass Tits: Will the owner reappear?

Pretty Pink Ponies: If Tom Brady can find some of his 2007 magic, or Larry Fitzgerald has a second half like he did last year, then look out.

Blackout The Jaguars: A roster overhaul and a Matt Forte sighting makes this team more balanced overall. But there remains concerns about Forte and the injury/performance of Darren McFadden is a blow.

Cleveland Steamers: The All Stars of yesteryear (Westbrook, LDT, Warner, Muhammad, Galloway, Freddy T, even Roy Williams) have certainly played about as well as their age indicated they would. However, if Arizona can somehow regain their 2008 offense, and LDT and Westbrook can get healthy the Cleveland Steamers will surprise some people. And the last part of that sentence made me feel dirty.

HELL ON EARTH MADDAWG: This is a really solid team now that they have a legitimate QB—at one point Jamarcus Russel started for this team. And yes, I know Matt Cassel is on the team, I just refuse to acknowledge him after hearing the story of how my friend bitch slapped him in high school.

I’m All Out of Gum: Last year’s champ is the favorite until proven otherwise.

PWN3N NOOB5: A surprising 2-2 despite drafting 30 kickers and having a whopping 401 points scored against them. Adrian Peterson can carry a team if necessary, but the pickup of Sims-Walker was nice. Now if only Tony Romo was a good QB…

Pissing Excellence: Will start two RB’s this week that combined for -1 point last week. That’s right, negative one point. All that means is Pissing Excellence will likely beat me this week. Peyton Manning to Dallas Clark has been a great combination so far, but Calvin Johnson has yet to transform into Megatron. Perhaps Daunte Culpepper will help out with that.

Sweep the Leg Draft Analysis

2009-09-01T01:41:00.000-07:00

I use this blog mostly for fantasy football write-ups and things of that nature, but every once in a while I’ll write something because I am bored and put it up here. Most of you Florida people know this so just ignore it. But that’s just a head’s up for the non-followers. Anyways, during the season this will be a strictly fantasy football related site. If anyone wants writing privileges let me know. Otherwise posts might not be as frequent as the last couple of years. Alright, without further ado, one idiot’s completely biased draft review

Round 1

Best Pick: Maurice Jones Drew by I’m All Out of Gum-- Coming into the draft, MJD was a near consensus top 4 pick. And while a decent argument could be made for the backs who went before him, the fact of the matter is MJD is no longer splitting carries with Fred Taylor and will be the featured back for the first time in his career. The Jaguars’ offensive line was decimated by injuries last year, but this year they have a new stud left tackle and a now healthy line. I see a return of the 2007 Jaguars ground game, one in which Fred Taylor and MJD complied huge rushing numbers, only this time with many more touches for MJD. By the way, there is no bigger Jags fan than me, so this opinion is potentially (extremely) biased.

Questionable Pick: Peyton Manning by Pissing Excellence—I like Peyton Manning. I just don’t like him in the first round, and I definitely don’t like him before Tom Brady. This is a reach by any stretch of the imagination. I could see the argument being made that Manning wouldn’t have been available when this owner’s picks came back around, but I don’t think that justifies passing on picks like Steve Slaton, Randy Moss, or the aforementioned Brady.

Notes: The fall of Steven Jackson is a strange one. Being one of the owners who passed on him, I can only guess that his injury history played a huge role in his free fall. I know that’s the reason I passed on him. Interestingly enough, Rickety Cricket (Eric’s team) picked both Jackson and Frank Gore. Two backs with lots of upside, but a litany of health concerns. I’d say this is going to go really well or really poorly, but more than likely they both end up having nagging injuries and finish with average seasons, just like the last couple of year. Also, I think Eric has autodrafted every year he has played and yet has always ended up with Frank Gore one way or another.

Round 2

Best Pick: Steve Slaton by Michael Scott Paper Company- The risk with taking a QB in round 1 is that you miss out on an elite RB or WR, positions that generally have less depth than QB due to league requirements. However, Michael Scott Paper Company was able to grab the best QB in round 1 and still get a top tier (or second tier if you consider Adrian Peterson to be in a tier by himself) RB in round 2. One that may have more upside than a few of the backs that went before him.

Questionable Pick: Greg Jennings by Team Big Ass Tits- After, taking Andre Johnson in Round 1 and going with the WR-WR opening strategy, it will be interesting to see if passing on Steve Slaton will come back to haunt this owner. If Slaton had been gone, I can understand passing on the remaining running backs in favor of grabbing another WR since there are so few elite ones, I’m just not sure if Jennings was the best option when Randy Moss, Steve Smith, and Reggie Wayne were left on the board.

Round 3

Best pick: Brian Westbrook by Cleveland Steamers- If you can stomach the ever questionable injury status of Brian Westbrook, you could have a potential top 5 RB on your hands—when he plays. Last season Westbrook finished with more fantasy points than Clinton Portis, Brandon Jacobs, Frank Gore, Chris Johnson and MJD. He also had games of 21, 27, 32, 37, and 32 fantasy points. Of course he also had games of 1, 5, 7, 3, 6, and 4 as well. And that doesn’t even count the two games he missed entirely. Still, despite the injury and age concerns (he turns 30 this season—not exactly a good age for an RB) he is an excellent value for round 3.

Questionable Pick: Willie Parker by Pissing Excellence- Perhaps its not fair to pick on a team that autodrafted, but I’m doing it anyway. The 3^rd round saw a lot of the middle of the road running backs come off the board. Almost all of the backs offer some kind of risk but also come with pretty good upside. Except for Willie Parker. Fast Willie has to contend with a subpar offensive line, and a now healthy Rashard Mendenhall stealing goal line carries from him. Not that Parker was all that successful in finding the endzone last year as he had 5 the entire year, and just 2 in his last 15 games.

Round 4

Best Pick: Darren McFadden by Team H- McFadden is being hyped by a lot of “experts” as being set to have a break out year. I don’t know about all that, he does play for the Raiders after all, but the potential is certainly there. With Jamarcus Russell at QB (at least until Jeff Garcia takes over like he does everywhere else he goes) the Raiders will have no choice but to run and run some more, a situation that will no doubt be favorable for McFadden. He was hurt most of last year but he’s supposed to be healthy now and if he can come even close to demonstrating why he was a top 5 pick in the NFL two years ago, he’ll be a steal in Round 4.

Questionable Pick: Earnest Graham by Wax on Wax Off—Talk out of Tampa Bay is that the Bucs are going to be using a three back system this year. And if Cadillac Williams is healthy (admittedly a BIG if), its likely that Graham will be the third of those three backs. If he ends up as the goal line back, there will be value here. He was good two years ago, and kind of serviceable last year, but with Derrick Ward on the team now, my guess is that he’d be hard pressed to live up to being taken in the 4^th round.

Round 5

Best Pick: Marshawn Lynch by Hell on Earth Maddawg- Beast Mode is great value here in round 5. I know he slipped due to the three game suspension to start the season, but when he actually plays he is definitely one of the better backs in the league. After the suspension is over, Hell on Earth Maddawg will have gotten a number two back with number one potential in the 5^th round.

Questionable Pick: Fat LenDale White by Pissing Excellence- White had 15 touchdowns last year serving mainly as the goal line back for the Titans. But after cutting out tequila and dropping 30 pounds, one has to question whether or not he’ll have the bulk to power into the endzone this season. I don’t know, maybe the Titans can put burgers and fries behind the endzone at all home games. That may give him a little extra motivation. But don’t think I’m completely down on White. In 2005 he was involved in one of the most ridiculous pranks I’ve heard of in quite some time. There used to be video of the whole thing but I can’t find it, so here is an abbreviated version of the story: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2211556

Round 6

Best Pick: Matt Schaub by Rickety Cricket- Schaub is the last of the big time QB’s who weren’t irrationally benched by their coach last year. He threw for over 3000 yards in just 11 games last season, and with weapons like Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton on the field with him, he has the potential to put up big numbers this year. The big question with Schaub is whether or not he’ll be able to stay healthy. He hasn’t done it yet, and another year of injuries might cause Houston to look in another direction at QB for the 2010 season. For that reason alone, one would think that he will do everything he can to stay on the field this year.

Questionable Pick: Cedric Benson by Team Big Ass Tits- I understand that he is a starting running back and therefore has inherent value, but he’s Cedric Fucking Benson. He only scored more than 7 points four times last year. A couple of big games last year may indicate some potential, but this is definitely a draft at your own risk kind of player. Let’s ask the numerous Bears fans in this league how they feel about him.

Round 7

Best Pick: Knowshon Moreno by Michael Scott Paper Company- drafting a Denver running back is always a blessing and a curse. If you end up with a Mike Anderson, Olandis Gary, or even a Mike Bell for one season you are extremely happy. But if you end up with Travis Henry (he of the 9 kids by 9 women) or Selvin Young, happy is something you are not. That being said, Moreno is a first round pick who many people feel has rookie of the year potential. Maybe with Shanahan gone the Denver running game won’t be the same, but with the immortal

Kyle Orton at QB, I cannot imagine a scenario where Denver doesn’t run the ball a lot.

Questionable Pick: Stephen Gostkowski by Cleveland Steamers- Patriots kicker or not, drafting a kicker this early is giving up ridiculous value with respect to other positions in the draft.

Round 8

Best Pick: Donald Brown by Pretty Pink Ponies- I like Donald Brown a lot. Check that. I LOVE Donald Brown. I did a few mock drafts before this draft, and in every one of them I took Donald Brown. I think at the very worst he is Dominic Rhodes in that Indy offense, which would amount to something like 800 or 900 yards combined rushing and receiving and maybe 8-10 total touchdowns. Best case scenario, Brown beats out the injury prone Joseph Addai and is the starting running back for one of the most prolific offenses in the league. I may be wrong, but I think this pick is simply outstanding. I’ll say it again, I love Donald Brown. If only I had the chance to take him in this draft…

Questionable Pick: Big Ben by ME- Oh wait, I did have a chance to take Donald Brown. I still can’t figure out what I was thinking with this pick. Its not like I could have thought Donald Brown would make it all the way back to me in Round 9. As a Jags fan, I hate the Steelers, so there was no team loyalty involved. Maybe I didn’t want to take Bradshaw and Brown with back to back picks. Maybe McNabb’s injury history scared me and I wanted to draft a decent backup with a crappy O-line. I don’t know. The draft was only two days ago, but I look at this pick and cannot fathom what made me do this. I hate myself. Let’s just move on before I kill myself.

Round 9

Best Pick: Fred Taylor by Hell On Earth MADDAWG- Someone has to score some rushing TD’s in New England, and it may as well be Fred Taylor. Taylor hasn’t exactly been a touchdown scoring machine throughout his career but New England revived the career of Corey Dillon so maybe it will have the same effect on this aging running back. After all, he is only one year removed from a Pro Bowl season. This might be last season for the Best Jaguar Ever, and I can see him putting up one final vintage Freddy T season.

I also really liked the Lance Moore pick by Team Doe.

Questionable Pick: Neil Rackers by Wax On Wax Off- Never draft a kicker before the end of the draft. Kickers are all the same. They should never ever be drafted before the last two rounds. Preferably the very last round.

Round 10

Best Pick: Derrick Mason by Me- Not the “sexiest” of picks, but with Mason I know what I’m getting. At the end of the season he’ll have close to 1000 yards and 5 or 6 TD’s. Guaranteed. Unless of course, he retires again.

Questionable Pick: Jeff Reed by Wax on Wax Off- Not just no backup kickers before the end of the draft. No backup kickers ever.

Round 11

Best Pick: David Garrard by Pissing Excellence- Let’s ignore for the moment that Pissing Excellence somehow managed to draft 4 quarterbacks, and instead focus on the fact that the team managed to get a top 10 QB from last year in the 11^th round. That’s right, top 10. And Garrard’s top receiver last year was an honest to goodness crackhead. This season brings a fully healthy O-line, Torry Holt, and a slew of talented rookie receivers. Garrard should hover around the top 10 again this year.

Questionable Pick: Ryan Longwell by Big Ass Tits- NO KICKERS!

Round 12

Best Pick: Julius Jones by Hell On Earth Maddawg- Anytime you can get a starting RB in round 12, that’s good value. Yes, even if that back is Julius Jones.

Questionable Pick: Kevin Curtis by Me- Just read a news story that he’s been hurt and might not even make the team. I should have taken a kicker.

Round 13

Best Pick: Laurence Moroney by Big Ass Tits and Glen Coffee for Rickety Cricket- Maroney used to go in the top 2 rounds of the draft so its almost hard to believe that he has fallen this far. Of course, his numbers justify this fall to some extent. But in an offense that could put up record numbers once again, someone will have to score the rushing touchdowns. A round 13 flyer on Maroney makes a lot of sense.

I also wanted to note that despite being on Autodraft, Rickety Cricket somehow managed to draft Glenn Coffee, the handcuff to Frank Gore. With Gore’s injury history and Coffee’s legitimate ability as a running back, this was a great pick.

Questionable Pick: Everyone who drafted a kicker

Round 14

Best Pick: Jeremy Shockey by Wax On Wax Off- Shockey used to be considered an elite TE. I can’t really remember how long ago that was, but people used to be legitimately excited to draft him. With Drew Brees slinging the ball all over the field, there is at least a chance that Shockey can drunkenly stumble his way into 600 yards and 6 or 7 TDS.

Questionable Pick: You know who you are.

Round 15

Best Pick: Bears by Team Doe- This is why you can wait until the end to draft a defense.

Questionable Pick: Michael Crabtree by Cleveland Steamers- As of this writing Crabtree is threatening to sit out the whole season unless he gets paid more than Darrius Heyward-Bey, even though Heyward-Bey was drafted before him. Even if he signs tomorrow, he still won’t be ready to play meaningful snaps until the second half of the season, and definitely won’t be able to beat out Josh Morgan this year.

Round 16

Best Pick: Everyone who took a kicker.

Questionable Pick: Everyone who didn’t

If you made it to the end, you must have been really bored. Thanks for reading.

First image is from: http://www.zazzle.com/eat_sleep_fantasy_football_sticker-217930379569743595

3600 Words on Gaming

2009-03-14T19:40:00.000-07:00

Its been four months since I’ve written anything of substance, mainly due to lack of finding any one topic that I’d be motivated enough to write about and that people would be motivated enough to read (even if its simply because they are bored at work). After finishing (beating is not the correct word) Prince of Persia, I believe I have found that topic: Video games (using PoP as a gateway). This will likely contain massive spoilers, so continue on at your own risk….

If you play Prince of Persia to within 1 percent of its completion it makes you feel a sense of loss and anger. I cannot tell you what it makes you feel to play the game until there is no more content left, because I did not do that. This sense of loss is not sadness or grief. It’s not anything even emotional. It’s just there. The anger on the other hand. That is very real. And directed at the jackass of a main character, the character you control. Not for anything he does or does not do in the story of the game per se, but rather for the insult he hurls directly at you, the player. Oh, and before I really get started, I’d rather not hear about how it is ridiculous to get angry at a video game. While I know this is true in theory, I don’t see how it is any different than people getting emotional over TV shows and movies. The same jackasses who cry at the end of The Bachelor, American Idol, The O.C. or Field of Dreams (okay, wait, that last one might’ve been me….might’ve been) want to tell me that it makes me a loser to express emotion over a form of entertainment? That’s fine, so long as they understand they are right there with me. Okay, initial rant over.

I first became intrigued by Prince of Persia after being blown away by a couple of the trailers that were released over the summer (trailer 1 and trailer 2). Keep in mind that while I liked the previous games, I never was intrigued enough by any of them to invest the requisite amount of time to see them through to completion. Therefore, as I have mentioned before, I have no strong ties to the series, which ended up working out well for me for two reasons. First, because despite this being like the 8th release of a game with the title of Prince of Persia, it bears little resemblance to any of its forefathers. Second, it absolved me of any loyalty that I might have felt towards any of the previous games, thereby allowing me to view the game objectively, rather than as a bastardization of the previous trilogies that bear the same name.

So, I watched the trailers and kept an eye out for advance reviews of the game as its release date drew near. All of the main publications and internet gaming sites gave the game relatively high numerical scores. I hate the concept of numerical scores by the way. One person reviews a game, spends half of his/her article giving me back story of the game, and then slaps an arbitrary number between one and ten or one and a hundred on the page and moves on. If the game is too easy or too hard, tell me why. If the controls suck, is it because they are unresponsive (which would be impossible to get over) or just poorly laid out (which your brain and fingers can adjust to over time)? Points get taken off from the score if the game lacks originality. Points also get taken off from the score if it does something too different from genre traditions. All I want to know is what the reviewer thought worked well and why. What didn’t work well and why. And on the rare occasion that the game is an instant classic or utterly unplayable, I’d like to know that too. You can take your 6.7’s, 89’s, B-minuses, and 5 stars! and shove them up your ass. I’ll form my own opinion of the overall game, thanks.

There are a few publications that do it the right way, and when it came to Prince of Persia all of them had one continuous theme: The game was easy because of how forgiving it was. Oh, and you can’t die. Ever. When I first read that, it almost sealed the deal that I wouldn’t buy the game. Can’t Die?! Easy! I’ve been playing games since I was six years old. I don’t need no stinkin’ easy games! But then I remembered something, I suck at video games now compared to when I was at my gaming peak (between the ages of 12 and 16). It used to be that I’d want to play only the hardest of games. Give me expert mode! Then I’d sit in front of my TV and play for hours. I’d get a tremendous sense of accomplishment when I beat a difficult boss. Or I’d get frustrated and pound the SNES controller into the ground when I missed a jump during a ridiculous platforming sequence. I’d scream that the system was cheating and contemplate throwing it out of the window (I have a friend who once punched his Playstation so hard he broke it). And I’d always sit back down and play again and again until I beat the game. I didn’t play for an “ending”, I played simply to beat it. That’s why to this day I still have a love/hate relationship with Mega Man 2, my Moby Dick of video games. But these days, there is not a whole lot of time for things like that. The stack of games that were applauded for their difficulty, are now sitting collecting dust in my room. Same with games that take 40 hours to complete. All of these JRPGs and open-world monstrosities that reviewers love, I just don’t have time for. These days, give me a game that is fun to play with a decent narrative and I’ll be happy. Metal Gear Solid 4 was like this. 15-20 hours of ridiculously fun game play, with a compelling (I was already invested in the story due to the first three games) but convoluted story and over the top voice acting. So Prince of Persia was a good game but easy? Maybe it was right for me after all.

The story of Prince of Persia is clichéd, but that’s okay because the narrative is quite good. There are two gods at work in the world. God of Light (good!) and God of Dark (bad!) They provide balance throughout the land, until one day God of Dark shockingly wants more than his fair share and war is waged. God of Light traps God of Dark in a tree (like that movie Fern Gully) and commissions a people to guard the tree and the kingdom it resides in. God of Light leaves the land never to be seen again (lazy bastard). Not surprisingly, thousands of years pass, kingdom falls into disrepair and only a king and his daughter are left to guard the tree, but the king is losing his mind and God of Dark is about to escape. His impact is already felt in the surrounding world as “corruption” has spread throughout the kingdom. The only way to make the tree strong again and ensure God of Dark remains trapped, is to cure the land of its corruption. Emotionally invested yet? I am. Let’s do this!

You start the game as the titular “Prince of Persia”, though it is not clear that the character is a prince, or that you are even in Persia. The Prince is a rather sardonic kind of guy that ends up playing the role of comedic side kick for most of the game. Yes, the title character is not the main character. Oh sure, the creators try and give him depth and have him grow as a character over time, but they aren’t quite successful. He starts out the game as a guy who happens to stumble into this whole mess after losing his gold strapped donkey (after doing some tomb robbing). He is set up to be a guy that wants nothing more than money and loose women, so when the princess literally falls on him at the beginning of the game, his motivation for following her is something like, “hey, hot chick who might be rich—count me in”. Though the Prince pretty much stays like this throughout the game, I much prefer the character to that of some whiny, emo-type character who spends the whole game questioning himself. Nope, the Prince knows what he wants and spends the whole game trying to get it.

The Princess, who goes by the name of Elika, on the other hand has lived in that land her whole life and is solely dedicated to healing the land of corrupted. Oh, and she has somehow been imbued with magical powers. She is witty and can trade insults with the Prince pretty well, and looks like Natalie Portman, so that helps too. So far we are deep into the land of clichés, but that’s about to change. Elika is basically a physical manifestation of all of those game mechanics we’ve become so reliant on over the years, and all of her actions are tied to a single button. Instead of pushing the jump button twice to double-jump, you jump and then push the button that calls for Elika, and she throws you higher or farther for the second “jump”. When in a fight, you can use the Prince’s sword or gauntlet to push back an enemy and then use Elika to chain in some magic attacks. You can even toss an enemy into the air and then throw Elika up after him to attack. It’s all done stylishly well, and since she is your constant companion, running and jumping by your side, you come to rely on her a lot. Oh and then there is the part about the whole no death thing.

In Prince of Persia, if you are jumping, and swinging and wall-running from area to area and you miss time a jump and fall, Elika will grab you and the game will transport you back to the last piece of solid ground you were on. This caused people to be outraged that a game could exist where you never die. They claim it makes it cheap and takes away the challenge. However, there is almost no game on the market today where death exists. At least not in the sense of old-school gaming death. Remember the days of searching everywhere for extra lives, because if you died more than 3 times the game would end? Maybe you’d get a continue, but for the most part, even if you were on the last enemy, you had to restart the game entirely if you ran out of lives. Now, the only thing that comes with death is load times and a magical reappearance at a save point/respawn point. It is an accepted play mechanic that no one even thinks twice about. Prince of Persia simply gives a reason for the reappearance and removes frustrating load times. Can anyone really have a problem with that? I don’t. Certainly not in this day in age where load times can last for mind-numbing durations.

So you run, jump, double-jump, wall-run and fight through the game’s levels, curing the land by killing some colossus type bosses and collecting light seeds to strengthen Elika after the land is healed. About half way through you find out that Elika was dead once and her father was so distraught that he took power away from the tree holding the God of Dark and somehow transferred it to his dead daughter’s body. At this point any seasoned gamer (or movie-goer) knows that this is not going to end well for Elika unless there is some kind of sappy twist at the finale. She knows she is going to die when she completes the task of healing all the lands, but resolutely does it anyway, believing that her life is what caused the corruption to spread. The Prince? Well, he seems to remain oblivious and continues to make sarcastic remarks, though he does try and say that he wants to stay in this land with Elika when they finish healing. She says, not so cryptically, that he can have the land when this is done. By this point the Prince has developed from a guy who decided to help out because of a hot girl, to a guy who continues to help out because of a hot girl, and he wants to get revenge on the God of Dark for getting in his way of having sex with said hot girl. Character development? Check.

As a player, this is all fine and well. The Prince is good for comic relief and has nothing more than a seemingly passing interest in “saving the world”. Elika, however, does. And the game does a good job of allowing a player to care about that interest, or not care at all, through optional conversations. No more long winded cut scenes if you just want to play the game for the game. You can talk to Elika at any point in time using just the press of one of the shoulder buttons on the controller. Then the Prince will ask a question and Elika will answer, or the two will engage in conversation. You keep pressing the button to continue the conversation until the Prince says one of his canned lines, upon which you know the conversation is over. Anyways, the point is that you, the player, choose whether or not to care about Elika’s journey. And I figured since I am playing the game for my entertainment, I should care. So I pushed the L2 button and talked whenever the game displayed the optional conversation icon. A lot of these conversations were about choice and how Elika basically felt that she had no choice but to heal these lands, it’s the duty of her people and all that good stuff. The Prince responds by saying that you always have a choice. She could, after all, just run away with him. I liked the idea of optional conversations as they were a way for the player to feel even more actively involved in the game if they so chose.

15 hours later, after healing all the lands, collecting hundreds of light seeds and becoming genuinely invested in Elika’s quest to purge the land, and enjoying the stunning transformation each land undergoes when it is healed, it was time to take on the final boss. I knew Elika would die when I beat the boss, but that was okay. Though she was a character I grew attached to (well in the whole video game sense of things), it was a necessary conclusion to the game and even the character was good with it. The narrative throughout the game made it as such. So the Prince slays the last boss, Elika gives her life (light seed energy) to heal the tree and seal the God of Dark back into the tree. The Prince gives his requisite scream of despair and then carries her body down a long temple corridor that heads outside. The Credits roll. Should be game over. Only it’s not.

The Prince lays Elika’s body on top of her mother’s tomb (a tomb he so hilariously called “a tomb with a view”, earlier in the game) and looks out over all of the land that they healed. There are four trees with a blue light above them, representing the four main areas of the game. The trees are all standing on islands raised off of the ground. The islands are surrounded by pillars and rock masses making it evident that you had to climb up one of the pillars and jump across. After 15 hours of gaming, performing this kind of action was second nature so I send the Prince running over to a pillar and have him climb up. I take aim at the island, jump, and then press the button to double-jump…and the Prince falls to the ground. What the hell? Then I remember, Elika is dead. The game creators, those evil bastards, placed the most obvious route to the island in perfect range of the double jump knowing that the player would try it. The sense of loss when you push that button and get no response is quite indescribable. It doesn’t make you feel sad. Its just you suddenly realize how much you relied on that one character throughout the whole game. Yes, you, not the Prince, relied on her. And then she wasn’t there. It is a great mechanic in that it causes the player to feel a sense of loss, rather than experiencing that loss through the eyes of a character. It’d be interesting to see if other games could work something like this in.

The sense of loss also stems from the fact that the game causes you to identify with Elika, to actively engage in her story. Never once do you really feel a connection with The Prince. This is not the story of Solid Snake or Marcus Fenix, or any of those characters that you both identify with (as much as you can identify with a 90 year old chain-smoking spy who fights women dressed as animals, or a roided up marine fighting aliens) and control. This is the story of Elika, and you were along for the ride, invested in helping her, using the Prince as a surrogate of sorts in that cause.

Until, all of a sudden you weren’t. When you control the Prince and make him jump onto that island with the tree, you start to hear whisperings of the God of Dark to cut down the tree. And I was thinking, wait, the game wants me to make this Prince guy undo what I had just done. All of a sudden the Prince wasn’t a surrogate for my actions but rather a guy on the screen that I could control. Except for I could only control him to do one thing: Cut down those trees and effectively waste the 15 or so hours I spent on the game. It was akin to having a list of things to do, spending two weeks finishing the list, and then after you cross off the last item, a new item appears and says to undo everything. Well screw that. You think I am going to control this avatar and watch him undo all of MY work? You think I am going to screw up the story of the only character that was interesting and engaging? I am supposed to cede the story’s ending to a secondary character? Nope. Fuck you, Prince. Except, what other choice did I have?

The whole game the Prince had been talking about how there was always a choice. Yet, I found it odd that at the very end of the game, the player was given no choice. The Prince’s only actions that had any consequence was cutting down trees. Well, I suppose the game could have turned into a running simulator where I ran around the temple for all eternity. But seeing as how my actions in controlling the Prince were limited, I decided that my actions toward the game were not. I would simply shut off the machine. After all, the credits had already rolled to completion. The proper ending had been reached. So that’s what I did.

I have since seen what happens if you do cut down the trees, and I suppose it does end up giving the developers a way to set up the inevitable sequel, so that is nice and all I guess. However, I looked at some game message boards and read some interviews with the creators and it seems as though one of the goals of the game was to snap you out of the immersion of the game world and make you make your own choice. They wanted you to use your reaction the first time you went to double jump and failed. Will you succumb to the whispers of the Dark God, feeling a sense of loss and believing you have no choice, just like Elika’s father? Or, will you respect the story of the main character and end the game with the land healed, a goal fulfilled, but with the loss of your loyal companion?

I have to say that if the game didn’t present this choice, if it ended right after the credits, or if it showed a simple cut scene of the Prince chopping down those trees, it would not have really resonated with me. The choice is where the power of the game lies. Apparently a game like Bioshock offers this choice as well, though I have not played it to confirm one way or another. Now I am fascinated by this idea of avatar disconnect, and wonder if it is in many other games. Games always seem to give the player control of a character they can root for, and place that character in a story that ensures the player and character’s motivations are, for the most part, one and the same. But what happens when the player and the character are intentionally designed to be at cross-purposes? It’s such a jarring reality because it goes against every story-telling norm that we know. And there is no other story-telling medium that can convey that.

Playoff Preview

2008-12-05T22:52:00.000-08:00

MIRED IN MEDIOCRITY PLAYOFF PREVIEW

This will be a relatively short playoff preview for the Mired in Mediocrity fantasy football league. I think its safe to say that this has been an interesting year for both the NFL and fantasy football. LaDanian Tomlinson, this season’s consensus number 1 pick has been but a shell of his former self. The season ended for some in the first game of the season when Tom Brady went down for the year, affecting both Brady and Moss owners who likely spent first round picks on them. Kurt Warner, Phillip Rivers, Aaron Rodgers and Jay Cutler are currently the 2nd thru 5th rated QB’s in the league. Who saw that coming? Running back is even stranger with Michael Turner, Matt Forte, Thomas Jones and Deangelo Williams all ranked among the top of the position. At least the Wide Receivers represent a little bit of a return to normalcy. Though Moss and Owens aren’t 1-2 like most people had them at the start of the season, they remain in the top nine. In fact that only real surprise in the top 9 is Vincent Jackson, a receiver who is 6’6 and oozes potential (and one that I drafted every year until this year--brilliant) but can never seem to put it together. With all of that being said, let’s take a look at the 6 teams that made the playoffs and handicap the race.

The Longshots:

Team Small. Burned by a stunning lack of production from its top 3 picks to start the year, the fact that this team is even in the playoffs is no small feat (no pun intended). There is no doubt that Tomlinson’s production on Thursday night will be helpful, but the fact of the matter is, in the first game of the playoffs, Small goes up against a powerhouse of a team that dominated the league for much of the earlier part of the season and outscored Team Small by 120 total points this season. Assuming that Team Small is lucky enough to get past the Redeam Team, it still has to go against the number 2 seed, and then one of a host of teams from the other bracket; all of whom outscored Small this season. Team Small has a lot of pluck, but not enough to traverse that road successfully. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 50-1)

The Dundies. This team put up a valiant effort throughout much of the season, and is actually the surprise team of the league, at least of the teams that made it to the playoffs. Droppin Dueces was the surprise in how poorly that team fared, but that’s another story. Back to The Dundies. Had this team been able to defeat PainTrain in the last week of the season and earned a bye, it would have a much better shot at winning. But the fact of the matter is, The Dundies opponent has favorable matchups across the board, while The Dundies must rely on Matt Cassel and Sammy Morris to produce bigger than expected numbers against Seattle, and an angry Cardinals defense must score a couple of touchdowns in order for them to have a chance. A prospect that does not seem likely. Even if the Dundies does manage to pull of the upset, they will find a team that has not lost since September, waiting for them. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 45-1).

The Streaky Team:

Triple T’s PainTrain. One look at the numbers in the standings reveals that, at first glance, this team appears to have been more lucky than good. After all, they tied for the best record in the league despite having scored almost 70 points less than the team they tied with, and only 15 points more than Team Small. When you couple that with the fact that the second fewest points were scored against them, luck no doubt has played a part in PainTrain getting to where it is today. However, this is also a team that broke the 90 point barrier in 4 of the first 5 games of the season and finished the season with point totals of 94, 109, 113, and 104 points (while clinching the division title in a 63 point thrashing of The Dundies). In between those two streaks though, The PainTrain notched paltry totals of 35, 50 and 58 points. One would think this team would benefit greatly from the bye, but one must wonder how a week off will affect the team’s momentum. If the team stays hot it could win the whole thing effortlessly. But should Triple T’s PainTrain fall into a slump now, against this level of competition, there will be a massacre of epic proportions. (Totally random of odds of winning the championship: 15-1…yes, the bye lowers the odds tremendously).

The Returning Champion:

Evil Empire Champions. A year after riding Tom Brady’s magical arm to a championship, Evil Empire returns to the playoffs and is coming off a rather solid year. Injuries really took a toll on this team in the middle of the season when Westbrook and Bush were lost for significant periods of time and haven’t really been “right” even when they played. The owner did a magnificent job of juggling his roster and playing the hot hand each week and it has paid off in a big way. A team that loses its starting two running backs shouldn’t be able to succeed the way Evil Empire did. Luckily, Lance Moore turned into a top 10 wideout and Kurt Warner found the fountain of youth, allowing Larry Fitzgerald to have another standout year. Moore and Denver RB Payton Hills have been two of the real “finds” off the free agent list and must continue to produce for Evil Empire to return to glory. Evil Empire should have enough to get past The Dundies in the first round however, The Bay Benchwarmers will be the clear favorite in a second round match up. But those pundits predicting that Evil Empire won’t repeat should remember to never underestimate the heart of a champion (Totally random of odds of winning the championship: 10-1).

The Juggernaut:

Redeam Team. This is a team that outscored four of the other playoff teams by at least 80 points. It also had the second most points scored against it, yet it finished with a 9-4 record, meaning it took everyone’s best shot and kept on going. Drew Brees and Steve Slaton have been the engines that have kept this train going, and it’s doubtful a first round matchup against Team Small will do anything to change that. The only true question mark on this team is its heart, or rather, its ability to produce in the clutch. The team is run by the same owner that managed to miss the playoffs last season despite scoring the most points in the league. In the last game of this season, needing only a win to clinch the division it lost by 14 points to Evil Empire, when its owner over thought and made some panic decisions. With Redeam Team facing the number 6 seed as well as a weak number 2 seed, its path to the finals may just be easier than any other team in the playoffs. Despite not being listed as the favorite in this preview, anything less than a championship would be a massive disappointment for Redeam Team. Will it step up to the plate, or wrap two hands around its neck and squeeze? (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 4-1)

The Favorite:

Bay Benchwarmers. The owner of this team took over the team when it was 0-2 and ownerless. Since then, the team has won 10 of its last 11 games, including 9 in a row on its way to the second most points scored and the number one seed in the playoffs. Evil Empire and Bay Benchwarmers split their match ups this season, and Bay Benchwarmers beat The Dundies the only two times these teams faced off. The total difference in points from the two clashes with Evil Empire is just one point, so should those two teams play it will undoubtedly be a sight to see. There are some concerns surrounding this team, with Clinton Portis hobbled by an ankle injury, but overall, QB thru Kicker and bench, this is the most solid team in the league and the odds on favorite to win the championship. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 3-1).

I Don't Like Mondays...

2008-09-15T01:24:00.000-07:00

The silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload.
And nobody's gonna go to school today,
She's going to make them stay at home.
And daddy doesn't understand it,
He always said she was as good as gold.
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

The telex machine is kept so clean
As it types to a waiting world.
And mother feels so shocked,
Father's world is rocked,
And their thoughts turn to
Their own little girl.
Sweet 16 ain't so peachy keen,
No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat.
They can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys a while.
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to die.
And then the bullhorn crackles,
And the captain crackles,
With the problems and the how's and why's.
And he can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to die?

Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.

--The Boomtown Rats

Not to make light of a song that's based on the events of a school shooting in Canada, but...

As the song (and the event its based on where, when the girl who shot the school said she did it because she doesn't like Monday) goes, you don’t need a reason to not like Mondays, but here are a few reasons for some players in the Mired in Mediocrity fantasy league to not like Mondays:

We start with Redeam Team who has to somehow overcome a whopping 76 point deficit on Monday night in order to start the season 2-0. Bolstered by a team that featured no players in double digit scoring and two players who put up 0 points, Redeam Team needs a miracle. Considering this team only has a TE, K, and Def/ST left to go, it doesn’t look hopeful. Instead it seems as though Sonsofbitches will get to 1-1, after benching Tony Romo in favor of Aaron Rodgers, and should be enjoying Monday quite a bit.
Either Evil Empire Champions or Vero Beach Dirty Diapers will really hate Monday. Dirty Diapers find themselves with what seemingly is a comfortable 17 point lead. However, Champions still has 1^st round pick Brian Westbrook left to play on Monday night. Westbrook is entirely capable of getting 17 points, so Champions will likely be disappointed if it doesn’t come out with at least a tie after Monday night’s game. By the same token, Dirty Diapers must be staring at that -4 points contributed by TE Greg Olsen and praying that it won’t be the difference between a win and loss. Indeed, one of thee two won’t be happy with their Monday by the end of the night.
Despite a heroic performance by the Giants’ defense, Team Small will spend its Monday much like Redeam Team, down by a bunch with really no hope for a come back. Team Dundies was bolstered by an outstanding performance from unheralded J.T. O’Sullivan. The last 3 QB’s to play in a Mike Martz system were Kurt Warner, Marc Bulger, and Jon Kitna. All three are still starting fantasy QB’s today. Looks like the Martz system has produced another standout in O’Sullivan. It also gives Dundies some extra leverage in any future trade talks, as the desperate need for a QB is no longer present.
Droppin Deuces and Team Timbs will not be pleased upon reading this Monday morning. Their combined score wouldn’t even beat the winner of any other match up. And its not as though they have a bunch of players going on Monday night, either. Only the Eagles’ defense remains in play, and against that Cowboys offense, it is doubtful that the defense will produce many fantasy points. Sunday may have been the bad day, but Monday is the day they have to face it.
In a battle of two teams that seem to have inactive owners, the Streetwalkers look like they will come out ahead despite starting Tom Brady at QB.
Genesis of Iceman comes back to earth after a stellar week 1 performance and will likely fall to Triple T’s PainTrain. But the owner of PainTrain is fairly distraught as well on Monday as the Jaguars have fallen to 0-2 and are riddled with injuries in a year in which they were one of the favorites in the AFC.

The Devil Collects

2008-09-09T17:34:00.000-07:00

Dear Mr. Brady,

As per our agreement, I am collecting on my end of the contract we signed on September 23, 2001. You remember that day don’t you? It’s the day that I sent that crazy Jets’ linebacker crashing into Drew Bledsoe nearly killing him. You became the likeable everyman soon after that, and you thought everything was going well I’m sure. No one quite knew what to make of you as the Patriots headed to the playoffs and I could feel your dissatisfaction. And since I am semi-honorable, I gave you a chance to get out of the deal when I injured you in the divisional round of the playoffs and let Drew Bledsoe start in the AFC championship game. All you had to do was sit out of that Super Bowl and you could’ve gone back to your old life as a career backup. But you wanted to play so I made that happen. Your fate was sealed on that day, Mr. Brady.

Just like you wanted, I gave you five full seasons free from interference from that day forward. You managed to grab another couple of rings, a few MVP awards and a hot actress all on your own. But all good things must come to an end, especially when you make a deal with me. I told you when we made the deal that I would collect your soul in my own special way. I’m sure you thought I exacted my price when Bridget Moynahan ended up knocked up while you were not so secretly sleeping with “butter face” Giselle (seriously Tom, you can do better than that, especially when you are on borrowed time). But no, that was just more of a fun little joke on my part. Despite reports to the contrary, I do have a pretty wicked sense of humor.

Perhaps when that whole Spygate thing started and I tarnished your team’s legacy you thought that your end of the bargain had finally been fulfilled. Sadly for you though, Spygate actually had almost nothing to do with you. That was my collection from your coach. What? How else do you think a guy who got run out of Cleveland after two miserable seasons got to be known as a genius?

Maybe you thought David Tyree’s helmet catch was my doing, but that was the work of my good friend Karma. See, when you throw for 50 touchdowns in one year by passing on 4th down while you are up by 30 against a two win team, it’s not good for karma. And if you do it enough, Karma eventually becomes very angry and is fortunately very creative in exacting its revenge. I mean, could there be any other possible explanation for a 4th string wide receiver catching a ball against his helmet on 4th down all while being pummeled by the most violent safety of this generation? Karma really can be a bitch.

But I had my own fun with you that game. I made sure your foot was hurt so you lost just enough mobility to prevent you from being able to get away from those crazy Giant pass-rushers. I also made sure your linemen forgot how to block at some key moments. I know you aren’t stupid Mr. Brady, so maybe you knew that I had a hand in that. Maybe that’s why you sat out the entire pre-season this year, fearful of what I might do to you. But you had to know that as soon as the season started you’d be on that field, and so would I. I was going to wait another game just to give you some false hope. But when I saw that you weren’t listed on the injury report for the first time in your entire CAREER, I couldn’t pass up this wonderful chance at irony.

The hit by Bernard Pollard wasn’t a cheap shot, but then you know that already. Pollard thinks that you were screaming in pain because he hit you too hard, but we both know better. You would’ve shaken that hit off it wasn’t for me, and I’m sure you knew that. All it takes a little mental snipping of some scissors, and pop goes your Achilles tendon. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to mess with your season (after all, I have your soul for all of eternity) so that is why there was some doubt as to the seriousness of the injury on Monday morning, and some hope that you would be back before the end of the season. Thousands of Patriot fans, millions of frontrunners, CBS, and ESPN were praying that would be the case, but amidst those prayers I heard two voices that sealed your fate. One was from Bridget Moynahan who was hoping you would die, but even I thought that was a little extreme, especially since knocking her up was partly my doing.

The other one was from Matt Cassel, you know your backup QB? He just wanted a chance. What you thought you and Coach Belicheat were the only ones that had me on speed dial? Mr. Cassel kind of reminds me of you from a few years ago, so we’ll see what kind of deal he wants to cut with me. Who knows, you may be back sooner than expected. But if Mr. Cassel offers me a sweet enough deal, well, we all know what happened to Drew Bledsoe don’t we?

Your friend and partner in eternity,

The Devil

P.S. I hope you don’t mind, but I used you as a reference when Aaron Rodgers, Sarah Palin, and Michael Phelps came to me earlier this summer. My credibility took a little hit when I failed with Rex Grossman. Even my skills couldn’t help that guy.

Draft Recap

2008-09-03T22:20:00.000-07:00

Last year I provided a draft recap analyzing what I thought were the best and worst picks of each round. With 12 teams this year, there is more for me to get through, but I’ll try to be as thorough as possible. As always, if you disagree with me, let me know….and I’ll tell you that you are an idiot.

Round 1

Best Pick: It would be easy to give best pick to Team Small who drafted LaDanian Tomlinson with the first pick. After all, he is clearly the best player in fantasy. And most of the other picks in the round went right around where they were supposed to go. However, one pick that stands out to me is Tony Romo taken with the 12^th overall selection by Dirty SonsofBitches. With the offense Romo plays in, he could have a Bradyesque year. I know people say it’s a waste to draft QB’s early in the draft, considering the value that can be found in later rounds. However, the game is changing and the top QB’s are increasingly putting up numbers that rival the best RB’s. When you consider the fact that a first round pick should be risk free. The available RB’s were questionable at this point and that Romo is the clear number 2 QB this year, it all adds up to the best pick of Round 1.

Worst Pick: I am really down on Frank Gore (drafted by The Dundies) this year. He struggled last year and has a horrible team around him this year, with the immortal J.T. O’Sullivan as the 49ers QB. Some may point out that Mike Martz is the new offensive coordinator for SF which should lead to better stats for Gore this year. After all this is the same coordinator who took Marshall Faulk from very good to superstar. I’m not buying it though. When Martz was the coordinator for the pass happy lions the last two years, Detroit RB’s Kevin Jones and Tatum Bell didn’t exactly set the world on fire. And let’s not forget, Steven Jackson had his big year in St. Louis after Martz left. Throw in the fact that Gore has never been a huge TD maker, and you have a player that I would have avoided like the plague. On the plus side, at least Eric can root for a player from his favorite team.

Round 2

Best Pick: Marion Barber going to The Genesis of Iceman with the 14^th overall pick in the draft was a stroke of luck for the team. Barber has been going higher than that in many mock drafts. He is a beast and the featured goal line back, so he won’t have to worry about losing cheap touchdowns to his backup. There are a few concerns however, as it is tough to imagine his body holding up for a full 16 game schedule due to his punishing running style. Also, his backup is Felix Jones from Arkansas, the same school that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones went to. So it’s a safe bet that Jones will see plenty of time on the field one way or another. Yet even with these worries, Barber, in that offense, just may end up being a top 5 back by the end of the year.

Worst Pick: Larry Johnson, picked by Dirty Sonsofbitches. Read what I wrote above. All of that could have applied to this team, except they bypassed Barber for Larry Johnson. It’s hard to imagine that the man who spent most of last year injured and plays for a team that has no QB, and no offensive line, making a huge resurgence this year. Johnson is really no better or worse than Lewis, McGahee, or most of the other picks that followed him. So, tt wouldn’t be an awful pick except for the fact that Barber was still on the board.

Round 3

Best Pick: Drew Brees to the Redeam Team. Getting the 3^rd or 4^th Best QB in a league where there are clearly 5 top QBs is a big deal. Getting him after the other 4 are gone is even better. Brees has put up monster numbers each of the last two seasons, though his efforts were slightly diminished last year due to his team’s losing ways. All in all though, the pick represents excellent value in Round 3.

Worst Pick: Darren McFadden to Triple T’s PainTrain. McFadden plays for the passing game challenged Oakland Raiders. He is now PainTrain’s number 1 running back. McFadden is an upright runner who has had problems hanging on to the football. This can’t be good. This is the problem of eschewing the RB position in the first two rounds of the draft. Despite getting the top two WR’s in the league, PainTrain was forced to reach for a back in round 3, thereby passing up Marques Colston who would is a stellar pick in round 3. This award almost went to Droppin Deuces for taking Chad Johnson and his torn labrum over Colston.

Round 4

Best Pick: Steve Smith by Dirty SonsofBitches. Yes, I know that he’ll be out the first two games of the season for punching his teammate, yes his teammate, in the face. However, this was the first WR taken last year in most drafts. He had a down year last year because of injuries and the fact that Carolina started 4 QB’s. But he is money when paired with Jake Delhomme, and Delhomme looks to be back at full strength this year.

Worst Pick: Fred Taylor to Dirty Diapers. Everyone knows I am a huge Jacksonville fan, but I really don’t like this pick. Fred Taylor is an amazing player, the best in the Jaguars short history. However, he just doesn’t find the endzone that often. He’ll rack up a decent number of 100 yard games, especially as the weather cools down, but with MJD and Greg Jones around, he’ll lose out on a lot of goal line carries. Taylor can be a valuable fantasy player, but this is a few rounds too early for him to be selected.

Round 5

Best Pick: Matt Hasselback to Evil Empire Champions. After solidifying the team for the first four rounds, Champions drafted the last QB without any serious question marks. Despite the fact that QB’s flew off the board in the first four rounds, Champions’ patience truly paid off. An argument could even be made that Hasselback as a better QB than the three (Palmer, Anderson, and McNabb) taken before him.

Worst Pick: Lendale White by Genesis of Iceman. Lendale White will waddle his way to a decent number of scores this year, and the Titans usually have a good rushing team. But White will also be splitting carries with lightning quick rookie Chris Johnson. Additionally, you never want your 5^th round pick to be 35 pounds over his listed weight, especially when that player is a running back listed at 235 lbs.

Round 6

Best Pick: Marvin Harrison by Evil Empire Champions. In truth, no one really knows if Harrison is healthy or how his legal troubles might affect him this season. However, Harrison was a potential first round pick last season and has fallen all the way down to the 6^th round. If he can recapture some of the Manning to Harrison chemistry that existed before last season, this pick will have been a steal.

Worst Pick: Julius Jones by Team Timbs. Despite the fact that Jones started all 16 games last season for the Cowboys, he was merely a serviceable handcuff to Marion Barber. Now that he is running behind a Seattle line that is a but a shell of its former self, and in a 4 way competition for carries, I just can’t imagine that Jones will put up better numbers this year. Unless of course he is actually really good, its just that Barber was that much better. Somehow, I don’t buy that argument.

Round 7

Best Pick: Jerricho Cotchery by Triple T’s PainTrain. First it was Antonio Freeman. Then it was Donald Driver. Last season it was Greg Jennings. Every few years Brett Favre picks out a favorite receiver and any time he gets in trouble will look for that guy. The stats for these players are usually ridiculously high relative to their “name” value, and this year everyone expects that it will be Cocthery. Of course, it could be Laverneus Coles and then I’d be screwed. By with a 7^th round pick, that’s an acceptable risk. Especially considering Coles is in love with Chad Pennington, the new QB of the Miami Dolphins.

Worst Pick: Rudi Johnson by Redeam Team. While its true that Johnson has since been cut by the Bengals and landed in a backup role with the Detroit Lions, at the time this pick was made Johnson couldn’t even get on the field in the 4^thquarter of a preseason game. The writing was on the wall that he was going to get cut, yet Redeam Team drafted him anyways. Even if he winds up with the starting job with the Lions, Johnson is far from the back that used to reward his owners with 12 TD’s and 1100 yards every season. He’s no longer very good, and neither was this pick.

Round 8

Best Pick: Chester Taylor to The Dundies. Adrian Peterson will get hurt this year. It’s a fact. He has gotten injured every year since his sophomore year in college. Taylor will already receive most of the 3^rd down looks (as he is a much better receiver than Peterson) while Peterson is healthy, and when Peterson goes down Taylor’s production will increase that much more. The Vikings have a very good offensive line and Taylor is a solid back. If AP is out for any length of time, Taylor could eventually become a top 10 RB.

Worst Pick: Chargers D/ST to Droppin’ Dueces. The old fantasy adage is that you never pick a defense or kicker until the last two rounds of any fantasy draft. And even though that doesn’t necessarily hold true for defenses, the 8^th round is too early for one, especially considering this one’s star linebacker will attempt to play the season with two torn knee tendons. Additionally, for all the press the Chargers’ D gets, they had the lowest number of QB pressures last year.

Round 9

Best Pick: Nate Burelson by Redeam Team. The Seattle WR corps has been decimated by injury leaving Burleson as the clear number 1 option. And though I like the picks of Gonzalez by Champions and Rodgers by SonsofBitches, the fact of the matter is, a number one WR in the pass happy Seattle offense should put up pretty good numbers. Now consider the fact that this is the 9^th round, and that equals great value.

Worst Pick: Ahmad Bradshaw by Palm Bay Street Walkers. It would be easy here to again go with defense, or even Kurt Warner (seriously, what moron picks QB’s in back to back rounds? Oh, that would be me. Brilliant!), I’m going to go with Bradshaw for this one. Though he had a great playoffs, Bradshaw is not a lock to be the backup to Brandon Jacobs (he is competing with Derrick Ward who was drafted one round later). We’ll have to wait and see how the first part of the season plays out to determine if he has potential as a 3^rd down running back or not. Don’t get me wrong, I think he has some fantasy value, but if he didn’t win the backup role, I just don’t know if it will be that much.

Round 10

Best Pick: Chris Johnson to Triple T’s PainTrain. The Titans had the 5^th best rushing offense in the league last year, despite the fact that fat Lendale White was their featured back. This year, with carries being split about 50-50 between White and Johnson, and Johnson the much more explosive back, I’d expect Johnson to put up pretty good numbers. He is being hailed as a sleeper by many the expert, and I think after the first few games, many will see why.

Worst Pick: Robbie Gould to Dirty SonsofBitches. Never take a kicker before the last round of the draft. The difference between the top kicker and the 12^th best kicker last year was something like 2.8 points per game. Nick Folk and Mason Crosby, two of last year’s top kickers weren’t even drafted last season. Those kickers benefited from explosive offensive teams. Gould certainly will not.

Round 11

Best Pick: Vincent Jackson to Droppin Deuces. Jackson plays in the high powered Chargers offense and often gets overshadowed in terms of fantasy. However is a 6’6 receiver and excellent target for Phillip Rivers to throw to in the redzone. With teams doubling Antonio Gates, wary of LT coming out of the backfield and Chris Chambers going over the middle, Jackson will almost always see one on one coverage. And at that height, what CB will be able to stop a lob to the back corner of the endzone? Though there are concerns about his continued development, he presents excellent value in the 11^th round.

Worst Pick: Vince Young by Redeam Team. Last Year Young threw for 9 TD’s. Nine! But that’s okay because he also threw 17 picks. In our format with touchdowns worth 4 points and interceptions worth minus 2, Young’s TD’s would yield 36 points and his interceptions would subtract 34 from that. So basically Young netted a whopping two fantasy points between his TD’s and INT’s. But wait, you say that Young is more than just passing. That he makes plays on the ground too. Maybe two seasons ago when he rushed for 550 yards and 7 TD’s in only 13 games. But last season he rushed for only 395 yards and 3 TD’s in 15 games. Oh and he fumbled 10 times as well. Vince Young is O-VER-RAT-ED.

Round 12

Best Pick: Chris Perry to Team Small. Its not often that you can find a starting RB in the 12^th round of a fantasy draft, yet Team Small managed to pull it off. Perry is a talented back who will finally get his chance to prove he is a true number 1 now that Rudi Johnson has been cut. It will be interesting to see if he can hold off Kenny Watson, but even if this becomes a split backfield, Perry in the 12^th round is a great value.

Worst Pick: Javon Walker by Genesis of Iceman. Walker used to be a third round pick in fantasy every year, but he is no longer the same receiver he once was. He’s coming off a lost season due to knee surgery (never a good sign for a speed WR) and a summer in which he was found unconscious on the sidewalk of The Strip in Las Vegas. After signing a $50 million deal he then contemplated retirement. But those problems all pale compared to the fact that he is a receiver for the Raiders, meaning he has offensive tackle sized Jamarcus Russel throwing him the ball. Russel has the biggest arm in the game, but isn’t accurate and will be wheezing and waddling for his life behind that porous Raiders line.

Round 13

Best Pick: Amani Toomer by Vero Beach Dirty Diapers. Toomer has something like the 5^th most redzone targets in the past two seasons amongst all WR’s. Meaning he has developed into quite the security blanket for Eli Manning in the redzone. If Dirty Diapers experiences any injury to his starting WR’s, Toomer should be a capable fill in.

Worst Pick: Alex Smith by Genesis of Iceman. In any other situation, I would’ve given this honor to my pick as I selected a defense before the second to last round of the draft. However, even though I know Genesis of Iceman was on autodraft, it sucks to have a backup QB who is actually a real life backup on his own team. Backup QB’s in the NFL have no fantasy value because unlike backup RB’s, they will never even see the field unless the starter goes down. And while it is quite conceivable that the venerable JT O’Sullivan could suck or get injured, nobody should want a 49ers QB, even with Mad Mike Martz as the offensive coordinator.

Round 14

Best Pick: Sammy Morris by The Dundies. Morris was a solid fantasy starter last season when Maroney went down. Everyone knows the Pats will be blowing a lot of teams out this season again, and Morris will be there to pick up those garbage yardage and TD’s that will be the result of the Patriots trying to run out the clock.

Worst Pick: Ahman Green by Dummy Team. I know everything is a crapshoot at this time of the draft, and that Green could very well turn out to be the starter in Houston. However, he hasn’t been healthy since his first few seasons in Green Bay and has virtually no upside. Its not like he’ll explode for a 1,000 yard season all of a sudden.

Round 15

Best Pick: Eagles D/St by Team Timbs. This is when you are supposed to take a defense, and its proof positive that even if you wait until the penultimate round, you can still snag a great one. The Eagles unit is not quite what they used to be, but by waiting until now to select them, Team Timbs was able to get depth at other positions.

Worst Pick: Tatum Bell by Palm Bay Street Walkers. There was no atrociously bad pick in this round, but by choosing Tatum Bell I can now tell this story and reward any readers who for some odd reason have stuck with me this long. After Rudi Johnson was cut by the Bengals a couple of days ago, he was signed by the Lions to backup Kevin Smith and maybe eventually compete for the starting job. As Johnson was in the Lions’ press room talking to the media, he left his bags outside the door. Well, it seems that someone walked by and stole the bags while Johnson was in the press room. The bags were Gucci and contained Johnson’s underwear and credit cards. Eventually Johnson got the bags back but they were empty. The person who took the bags was caught on tape. It was none other than Tatum Bell, the running back who was cut to create room for Johnson. Now Bell has Johnson’s underwear and cancelled credit cards (though he denies he has them), and Johnson has Bell’s old job. Good Times!

Round 16

Best Pick: Rob Bironas by Triple T’s PainTrain. Bironas was a top 3 kicker last year and I took him in the last round. Wait on kickers people! You can always pull one out of free agency if yours doesn’t work out.

Worst Pick: Anyone who is not a kicker because that means you wasted an earlier pick on a kicker.

Alright, who made it to the end? If you did, thanks for reading!

Frontrunners Shot On Sight

2008-02-05T23:28:00.000-08:00

It’s been a long time since I have been so motivated to write an article for the sports blog, so first let me say welcome to EvilEmperorDave. Congrats on a brilliantly written article. When I first read the title, I was ready to systemically pick it to pieces. I was geared up to destroy any notion that being a bandwagon fan was somehow okay. I mean after all, the article essentially condones committing perhaps the worst sin in all of sports: bandwagon jumping or frontrunning as the author refers to it. As it has been said, bandwagon fans are the sporting world’s equivalent to pedophiles and dogfighters. So there I was, ready to shank the author (hey, gotta stick with the prison theme right? At least there was no punishment doled out American History X style) when something odd happened.

I couldn’t do it.

That’s not to say I agree with his position. Hell no. But the refreshing thing about having a new writer on here is having a new perspective. You see, I live in the sports world. I probably spend more time thinking/reading/talking sports than everyone else who reads this site combined (which might be a decent explanation of why I am currently single while this new author lives with his girlfriend…well that, and many many other reasons). Additionally, I don’t want to talk serious sports with you (you in the figurative sense of course, otherwise I’d have no readers at all) if you only kind of know what you are talking about. I don’t have the heart to tell you where you are wrong. That the Patriots and Giants played three times this year, including pre-season. That a penalty that occurs away from the play should still be called, even if it offends your sense of justice. It all infuriates me. If you want to learn, I’ll help. But you have to ask. Otherwise you are standing in my world wearing the 1970’s NBA short shorts to go along with knee high socks, Reebok pumps and a Hakeem Olajuwan Toronto Raptors jersey, thinking you fit in. And in reality you are just standing there, in the middle of my world, looking like a jackass. Point being, the sports perspective is my perspective, and I view everything through those Gatorade tinted glasses. And despite being a student of the law (sounds better than law student, doesn’t it?), it’s hard for me to see things any other way.

Anyways, the point of the nearly 400 word rant above is that this author’s article is so profoundly different from anything I usually read about sports. It was five paragraphs before the author even used sports to make his point. Five! Instead we are treated to such light hearted topics as the Vietnam War and, wait for it….welfare moms with “factories in their pants”. Hilarious! But back to the subject matter itself. I thoroughly enjoyed the angle about those who are frontrunners in life. I know a lot of that was tongue in cheek, but I can relate in a way. I feel bad for homeless veterans, but aside from giving money to the Salvation Army or something like that, I have never done anything to help them. I’ll never be able to top the welfare mom comment, so let’s just move on. And finally, living out here in LA, I don’t feel bad at all for famous people who go crazy; I also hate the TMZ’s of the world who think it’s their job to report this crap, and the people who read it. Do I think I am better than them? Yes, with the exception of the veterans, because damn if I wouldn’t have been a draft dodger back then. But anyways, I have strayed from my point.

All that real world stuff aside, and it does provide a good philosophical point of view from where the author is coming from, the premise of the article is that picking the underdog has become the new “front running” thing to do in sports. I think that this is certainly an interesting proposition. Take the Rocky movies for example. As everyone who knows me knows, I am a huge Rocky fan (not including V, which made my eyes bleed). What is the idea behind Rocky? It’s putting the character into every impossible situation the writers could dream of, just so he can “overcome”. In the first movie, Rocky was a bouncer with no real training, dated a semi-retarded girl who ran a pet store, and had to fight the heavy weight champ. In the second movie, Rocky is semi-retarded with a speech impediment, has a semi-retarded wife in the hospital, and still has to fight the heavy weight champ. In the third movie, Rocky is rich and the champ, so we can’t root for him until his trainer dies, Mr. T propositions his semi-retarded wife and “Eye of the Tiger” is played during his training scenes. In the fourth movie Rocky is rich and retired so we can’t root for him until his best friend is killed by Drago, he has to fight in Russia on Christmas, and he has to climb a million mile high mountain with no gear and his semi-retarded wife doesn’t want him to fight to begin with. And yet, we cheered for him every damn time he “overcame” these obstacles. We all wanted to root for the underdog. It made us feel good. It made us feel damn good.

So yes, in that sense rooting for the underdog is the frontrunning thing to do. Come on, don’t you think that if they made a movie out of this NFL season everyone would be rooting for the Giants? I mean rooting for the Patriots would have been like rooting for Ivan Drago. But while rooting for the underdog is nice in theory (and in movies), how many people actually do it? Let’s back up a minute. Let’s view this in the context of real life sports and the diehard sports fan (is it sad that the author of the article referenced real life events before getting into sports, and I referenced “Rocky” before getting into sports?). I’ll keep this in terms of football since it is a good reference point. The vast majority of casual fans (those who watch the Super Bowl and maybe some of the playoffs) like teams because they win. People in general, invariably root for the favorite. In theory that’s not so bad. Who the hell wants to root for a loser anyway? And when you are a casual fan who pops in and out of the sports world, it’d be a drag to always pick the losing team. If you believe, as I do, that the casual sports fan outnumbers the diehard, then the reason you notice people who root for the underdog is because they stick out. They are a rarer breed. The author’s theory of rooting for the underdog as being the chic thing to do does not actually hold up in the sports world.

As I mentioned before, the inhabitants of the sports world are largely the diehard fan. The diehard football fan almost always has a favorite team. Whether it is due to geography, a favorite player, or their father’s allegiance, most fans live and die with a certain team. My team is the Jacksonville Jaguars. Now I am not over the top, I don’t believe the Jaguars should win every game, or that every player can do no wrong. Nor do I refer to them as “we”, as in “we would’ve won that game if only we threw deep more often and tackled better”. I am not a 350 pound 6’5 man who can bench press 400 pounds, nor am I someone who can throw a football 50 yards or run 40 yards in 4.2 seconds. Hell I can’t even kick a football straight. So I’ll leave the “we’s” to those blessed enough to play on a team. That being said, I can probably name Jacksonville’s entire 53 man roster, recite their schedule including wins and losses last season, and tell you who is under contract for next season. Being a diehard fan is about obsession, and I am obsessed. I mean what is “fan” short for? Fanatical, of course. Even though I consider myself a more rational fan, I can barely breathe during Jaguar games. When bye weeks roll around, I need it as much as the team does, because then I can actually spend a Saturday without a knot in my stomach as the minutes tick by until game day.

So any argument the author makes that is couched in reality entirely misses the point. I am not here to argue about why diehard fans rarely root for the favorite. Perhaps it’s because, they cheated. Perhaps its because the media shoves teams like the Red Sox, Patriots and Yankees down our throats every 5 minutes, and I can’t go to ESPN.com without seeing a story about how Tom Brady’s excrement is the best smelling of all time. Or maybe it just boils down to simple jealousy. The favorite has what we all want. They are the team that is expected to win the super bowl.

But I think, therein lies the reason that so many of us diehards hate, and I mean hate with a passion, front running fans. These “fans” that jump on the bandwagon of winning teams don’t go through the agony that we go through. They don’t live and die with every possession of their favorite team. They are not haunted by losses, by the constant “what-ifs”. They don’t have all that animosity built up from years of rooting for a team only to see that team fail and fail again. Sure that might make the frontrunners’ victories less sweet, but who cares when you can have them every year? So the Pats-Steelers-Colts-Pats fan gets to show up to some super bowl party adorned in the gear of “destiny’s” team and rub it in the faces of everyone else whose team never made it there. The logical answer for us diehards is to not be diehards. To take the route of the frontrunner, to back the favorite every year, and come out ahead nearly every time. But what do we do? We hate. We channel the passion that we have for our one team and we turn it into hatred. Some of it goes towards the favored team, but a lot of it goes to that frontrunning fan. We hate that fan. You put us in a room with a frontrunner, especially a frontrunner who is cheering “his” team on, and nine times out of ten there will be some kind of altercation. That’s what makes this Super Bowl so sweet. The frontrunner came adorned in Pats gear, and left with the harsh reality that he backed a loser. Welcome to a little taste of our world. Asshole.

There is a certain kind of camaraderie amongst diehards. I respect the diehard patriot fan. I might be tired of hearing from him, but I was on his side in 2001 when the Pats upset the Rams. Hell, I even respect the Lakers diehard, as much as I hate the team itself. We are all bound by the same torment. We all understand what it is like to foster that love-hate relationship with our chosen team. The hatred is not for our team, but instead for the agony that is attached to each loss suffered by the team we love so greatly. So for the author to say frontrunning is the way to go, it makes sense from an outside world. But, from my sports obsessed world it is complete lunacy. To cut and run now would be to lose a piece of our souls.

I’ll leave you with this; ESPN.com did a poll they released in their magazine. Fans of all 30 teams that did not make the Super Bowl were asked to vote on who they wanted to win it all. For every single team, the fans picked the Giants. Like I said, some of that could have to do with diehards hating the favorite for a number of reasons, and the fairness argument the author makes is hardly undeniable. However, you better for damn sure believe that there is also a part of us that wants to look the frontrunning son of a bitch fan right in the eye and tell him to put his mouth on the damn curb.

Rational? Not hardly.

Fanatical? Absofuckinglutely.

Front-running is the only way to run

2008-02-05T15:12:00.000-08:00

I went to a SB party. I rooted for the Patriots. No one else did. This is about why they were wrong not to front-run like me.

I submit, as a rule-of-thumb, that Americans are closet front-runners. You can see it everywhere. We hate homeless beggars for losing the Vietnam War. Nobody looks at a welfare-mom and says, "There's a factory in those pants making underdogs I can root for." Instead we secretly judge her for dragging down our collective winner quotient (wq). I would think that a people that values the underdog would feel sorry for the famous that ran into bad times. Instead we kick them while they're down with our gossip shows and stand-up jokes. Sounds like something a bunch of front-running bastards would do, doesn't it?

You're probably looking in the mirror right now, shocked at the realization of what you've become and vowing to change your ways. Stop right there. Embrace it, make it your friend. Don't feel bad. This isn't about rooting for real-life underdogs, or worse, helping them. I was only a making a point that you can do this. You can be like me. This is about rooting for favorites in sports.

I'm going to state something that will blow up all your notions of being a front-runner. Rooting for the underdog is more like front-running than front-running is. In order to explain that last sentence, I'll have to go over the details of why underdoggers hate front-runners.

Front-running is merely picking the favorite. One reason why the practice is hated, is because it's supposedly the "easy" pick. Outside of gambling, I believe it is actually easier to pick the underdog for two reasons. One, picking the underdog is often trendy. I would say it's sort of anti-trendy in that the reason people pick the underdog is to go against that which is fashionable and yet it ironically becomes the fashionable thing to do. The second reason is that the underdogger has the security blanket of knowing that it's ok if his team loses because they weren't expected to win anyway. A front-runner, however, is a manly man in a world of pansies ready to take responsibility for his pick.

The other reason I can think of for the anti-front-runner mentality is about fairness. Normally, the favorite has had an unusual amount of good fortune. Getting quality players at firesale prices, for instance. Maybe they have a lot money to work with like the New York Yankees. Perhaps it's about the amount of love the team gets from the media. Cheating. In most peoples' minds these advantages are unfair. I counter that these people are stupid, literally. Studies done by monkey-studying people have shown that both monkeys and humans make equally irrational decisions because of our obsession with fairness. Decisions like rooting for losers. You know what that tells me? That tells me that you underdoggers could have your shit bamboozled by a monkey if it made you think it was fair. Besides, complaining about fairness is a whiny-bitch thing to do. Kind of like what people might accuse a front-runner of being.

Finally, underdoggers don't like arrogance as if knowing that you're the best is wrong. I say it's arrogance for the underdog to think they can beat the favorite. Besides, front-runners know there is a structure and heirarchy to the game, and everyone has their place. In their world this is the order of NFL teams:

1. Giants - Go Giants!

2. Patriots - I'm glad I'm not a fan.

.

.

.

31. Dolphins

32. Bears - For people who like cuddly-wuddly things?

In the underdog world everything is chaotic:
1. Giants - Go Giants, but not if you are now the favorite.

1. Patriots - I root for you now?

.

.

1. Dolphins - It's like rooting for the underdog of underdogs.

32. Bears - No.

I shudder at the thought of a world where people would root for Dolphins.

So I have established that picking underdogs is a front-running thing to do, and therefore you might as well be a front-runner. Here's a list some of things to do with your new-found enlightenment:

Remember, you are the Buddha of loyalty. Attachment is pain. Expand this philosophy to other realms of life. Your dog? You don't love it. Unless it's #1, then it makes sense to.

Evil villains are a natural pick for front-runners. For the plot to go anywhere, they have to be pretty powerful and the odds need to be in their favor. Watch some movies and empathize with the antagonist. I almost cried for Cloverfield until I thought about how happy it was eating all those people.

Downward Spiral

2008-01-03T05:04:00.000-08:00

With the Bears' season over before the playoffs started, football has lost a little meaning. And with the Bulls' season not looking so good, barring a coaching change, basketball is losing it's appeal too. But there's the Blackhawks...honestly haven't lived up to my commitment to watch hockey this year. Thankfully, I think I only told one person the commitment. Did watch some of the winter classic though. Guess that should count. It is more hockey than I watched at this point in the season last year. So, commitment fulfilled.

On the Bears:

Glad they went out with a bang. Good to know Peterson didn't break 200 yards again and great to see them dominate the Packers. Not all was lost. Hopefully be able to continue that momentum into next year. Grossman will have to fight (as the Judge puts it) porn-stached Orton for his job back. Maybe Brennan? Either way, if the D can get back in their game the QB position should be the only problem. Especially since we have our own Peterson...

Moving on with the Bulls:

Dropping Skiles? Hope that's the smart move. Good luck Skiles and thanks for the resurrection. As for the team, they should be performing better than they are regardless of coaching. Too much talent on that team to be playing like they are. Not that they are the Celtics or anything but, definitely not the Knicks.

Time for Bolling:

No, I didn't spell it wrong. Not the sport bowling but, the director/producer/writer, Uwe Boll. This guy has to be one of the worst directors of all time if not the worst. Of course, this is all just personal opinion (a lot of people's personal opinion), but I am yet to see a even decent movie from him. Nobody I know that has seen any of his work has disagreed with me. He makes the live-action Dead or Alive and Super Mario Bros. look like masterpieces. This man seems hell bent on destroying game franchises one at a time. It's not like you expect anything good to come out of a movie based on a game, but you certainly don't expect the stuff Boll spews out. Given all that, at least he stands by his work and doesn't change his views for anyone or anything. Not always a good thing for the movie-goer. Oh well, to each his own.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

2007-12-22T20:30:00.000-08:00

Obviously, some of you will understand this picture and some of you won't. If you want to know what this is in reference to, watch Arrested Development. Those of you who don't, its your loss....

Well, this is it. The final week of fantasy football season, and the penultimate column related to our battle royale for the championship. Let’s not waste any time with a rant this week and jump right into a breakdown of the match ups.

(1) TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN v. (2) LVL INFINITY +1 TEAM

It doesn’t really get better than number one versus number two. TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN enters the final round coming off of a dominating victory over VOLDEMORT. Steven Jackson and Adrian Peterson will be counted on to carry this team to victory, and last week they did just that, as two wide receivers came up well short of their projected fantasy points. One thing to look for in this match up is how much Wes Welker helps the + 1 Team, as he was traded by the PAINTRAIN straight up for Marvin Harrison. While Harrison has not worked out, it cleared space for the red hot Greg Jennings. The Tampa Bay Defense is a game time decision this week after putting up dominating numbers against a putrid Atlanta team. The PAINTRAIN has to be very careful in who it selects for both the starting defense and QB positions as it will need all the help it can get to pull out a win against the TOM BRADYS…er, The +1 TEAM. Proving that luck is better than skill, the +1 TEAM somehow managed to be beat the COWBOYS with a paltry 3 points from Brady. To put this in perspective, Brady’s worst performance of the season up until last week was 17 points. 17! That is better than what most QB’s get on a good day, and this was that man’s lowest point total. He had been averaging a whopping 26 points per week. Then he delivered 3 against the J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets! and the team with the weakest overall roster of the playoff teams, somehow managed to beat the vaunted COWBOYS. I look for Brady to bounce back in a big way against the Dolphins this week. Afterall, they still need to get him his passing TD record. However, the monster game from Brady will not be able to overcome the solid all around performance from TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN, and the fantasy championship, in a close call, will fall into the hands of the favorite.

(3) COWBOYS v. (4) VOLDEMORT

Granted, it may not have made a difference in the long run, but COWBOYS were hurt when Brian Westbrook took a knee at the goal line of the game last weekend. That was a sure 6 points left on the field. Demoralized by the loss of the points, this team crumbled last weekend. Luckily for Cowboys, this week they should be on the favorable side of a blowout. Edwards should be able to have a decent game against Cincy’s porous defense and I look for Andre Johnson to have a nice performance as well against a Colts defense that could be resting much of its players. VOLDEMORT has been in a legendary tailspin, and the season looks like it will end ugly. The Colts have clinched their playoff position and are known for tanking games at the end of the season. I’d look for Manning and Wayne to sit much of the second half against the Texans. Other than those two players, the only weapon VOLDEMORT has is Antonio Gates. He of the goose egg performance last week. It’s almost hard to imagine this team was in first place headed into the last week of the season. Good thing it can finish no worse than 4th, because right now who knows how low this team could’ve gone? My how the mighty have fallen. Simply put, if VOLDEMORT wins this match up it will either be an upset of stunning proportions, or a monumental choke job by COWBOYS. Your choice.

In the B.S. bracket we have a couple of surprise match ups.

(5) DUMMY TEAM 3 v. (7) BIG TUNA

The fact that BIG TUNA made it this far is quite the accomplishment for the rookie squad. Largely expected to be a cupcake opponent last week, this team overcame a sub par performance from Tony Romo and surprsised PINK PONIES. In this battle for 5th place though, I don’t expect lighting to strike twice. DUMMY TEAM 3 is an explosive team that lost its way in the final weeks. However, LaDanian Tomlinson has re-emerged as the top back in the league, and Saturday night against Dallas, Steve Smith suddenly remembered that he is supposed to be the best wide receiver in the game. BIG TUNA is hurt by the nature of the dummy team, as most owners would have benched this fallen star by now. However, in the most important game of the season, Smith has come up huge, contributing 19 points, or 10 more than what he was projected to achieve. After Tory Holt’s awful performance on Thursday night, for BIG TUNA to have any chance at all, it will need a monster performance from Marques Colston. It happened in the final game of the regular season. Will it happen again? I wouldn’t count on it.

(6) PINK PONIES v. (8) DUMMY TEAM 2

The fact that PINK PONIES was never amongst the top 4 teams in the league throughout the entire season is flat out baffling to me. They are the 3rd highest scoring team, yet constantly came up short in the clutch. However, this game should be a chance for PINK PONIES to let out all of its frustration. DUMMY TEAM 2 should not put up much of a fight and this should be a blood letting. Thankfully for PINK PONIES, the season ends this week as TO was injured during the game Saturday night and it is not known how long he will be out. Nevertheless Carson Palmer, Randy Moss, and the rest of this potential laden, yet underachieving team, should be enough to lead PINK PONIES to a disappointing 7th place finish.

Check back next week for an extensive review of the season...

PLAYOFFS! DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS?

2007-12-14T00:29:00.000-08:00

First, the picture is Mark Mangino, coach of the Orange Bowl bound (hence the giant orange) Kansas football team. Insert your own politically incorrect comment here….Anyways, onto my weekly (or at least whenever I post) rant:

I love sports. I love football. I love winter football. And I love the Jaguars. This is the time of year when every game really means something. It’s great. Before I really got into football, Sundays used to be one of my least favorite days of the year; what with having Stone Jr. High School to look forward to the next day. But now, Sundays, especially winter Sundays, Jaguar Sundays, are the day I live for. You can have your Friday night parties, and your Saturday night bar hopping events (already had my fill of them). Give me Sundays and football instead. I had a conversation with a friend (no, not the person who runs the COWBOYS) a little while back, who couldn’t understand why I’d rather watch football instead of hang out. Sports can’t be that great can they? Um, yes they can. It is doubtful that people who don’t already believe this will ever be converted, and I say fine, fuck them. Unless you can love the game like I love it, love sports like I do, leave me alone on Sunday. You want me to hang out with you on a Sunday? Well then you better be dead. I’ll miss football games for your funeral. I’ll miss football games if you fly out here from across the country (though my focus might not always be on hanging out). I won’t miss them to go eat with friends. I won’t miss them to go shopping. I won’t miss them to go study. And I might not even miss them to go to Vegas. Oh, and a note to those of you who ever have a wedding on a Fall or Winter Sunday and expect my attendance: Statistics say that for at least a few of you, this won’t be your last wedding.

I’ll be there for the next one.

I promise.

Unless it’s on a Sunday.

On to the playoff preview:
This is it. This is what we’ve been playing the entire season for. These two weeks where the games mean the most. For some of you, you have nothing to play for at all, and I say see you next year. For others, all you have left to fight for is pride and a 5th place finish. And for the best of the best, it’s a bloody dogfight (whoops, can’t use that word—might end up with 23 months in prison)....it's a bloody battle for the championship. The top 4 teams in this league were so closely bunched that two one point matchups last weekend sent the standings into chaos. In the end, the grizzled veteran (me) ended up coming out on top, but in reality the playoff matchups were not altered at all. Let’s take a closer look:

(1)TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN v. (4) VOLDEMORT

This is a match up of two teams heading in the opposite direction. VOLDEMORT crushed the PAINTRAIN in the opening game of the season 102-80, and the victory propelled them to win 8 or their next 9 games. Every personnel decision seemed to pay off beautifully for this team early in the season. Sammy Morris was killing teams. He went down, and Fat Lendale White played like there were bugers and fries in every end zone around the league. Santana Moss struggles? That’s okay, Dwayne Bowe will just step in and become the best rookie WR in the league. VOLDEMORT was clearly the hottest team in the league at that point in time, that is until they ran into the PAINTRAIN for round 2. An ugly clash followed and at the end of the day, TRIPLE T emerged the victor 65-57 thanks to 6 Peyton Manning interceptions. The loss sent VOLDEMORT into a tailspin as they lost four of their next five, including three straight to end the season. The lone victory came over the hapless STEELERS OWN COWBOYS, and two of the losses were identical 106-82 beat downs by the two remaining playoff teams. In contrast, TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN enters the playoffs on a roll. After being beset by injuries and losing three of four games to start the season, the PAINTRAIN has ripped off 8 wins in its last 9 games. RB’s Adrian Peterson and Steven Jackson give the PAINTRAIN the most dangerous 1-2 combination in the league. A rotation of Drew Brees and Brett Favre at QB and a solid trio of WR’s make the PAINTRAIN very formidible. After being in first place for the majority of the season, can VOLDEMORT right the ship and pull off the upset? Don’t bet on it. The most dangerous playoff teams are the ones who enter with a head of steam, and right now the PAINTRAIN is speeding towards a championship.

(2) LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM v. (3) COWBOYS

Another match up of teams headed in the opposite directions. The +1 TEAM enters the playoffs having won four straight games, including one each over all of the other playoff teams. We could all say that the +1 TEAM has an amazing roster and that is the reason they are so strong, but that is just not the case. One thru nine this is a sold but not overwhelming roster, except for one player: Tom Brady. The guy is a monster and so long as he is playing, this team is never out of any game. And the scary thing for every other playoff team out there is Brady goes against the Jets this weekend and the winless Miami Dolphins next weekend. Yikes. The COWBOYS enter this match up having lost four of their last six and their hold on first place as well. This team should not be taken lightly however as they were far and away the leading scorers of the league. Only one team was within 100 points of their total (98 points behind), and they finished a whopping 185 points ahead of LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM this season. Those are downright dominating numbers. However, since their early season hot streak, the COWBOYS have been a very inconsistent team, both blowing out teams and getting blown out themselves. Which team will show up in the playoffs, and will it even matter with Brady playing? The answer is a simple no. The COWBOYS are the superior team, but Tom Brady trumps all of that. The Jets ratted out his team in week one of the season. The Patriots have been treating this whole year as one giant middle finger to the rest of the league and I fully expect them to destroy the Jets. Bill Belicheck has been trying to get Brady to set every record known to man. He is already on pace to break the most TD’s in a season. And the Patriots threw on 33 STRAIGHT plays last weekend. Yes, you read that right. However, one thing Brady has yet to do is set a single game record. Look for it this week: 600 yards, 7 TD’s.

CONSOLATION (BS) BRACKET:

No preview for Dummy Team 2 vs. Dummy Team 3, except to say that the upper echelon teams are damn lucky DT3 lost Ronnie Brown for the season at about the midway point. Brown was the top rated back when he went down, and he and LDT would have made life miserable for much of the league.

(6) PINK PONIES v. (7) BIG TUNA

PINK PONIES have been the most confusing team this season. I fully expected to see them in the top 4 at season’s end. Instead they became an afterthought. This team had both winning and losing streaks of four games. They also had the third highest point total of any team in the league. Part of the problem is this team’s fate is so tied into the performance of Wide Receivers. Granted, TO and Randy Moss are the two best receivers in the game, but the lack of consistent play from the RB spot has been costly (the LJ injury late in the year was not as devastating as I thought, thanks to his subpar season. Go back and look at what I wrote about him in the season preview. Psychic). Jamal Lewis has been coming on late though, so help may be on the way. If the inconsistent Carson Palmer regains his status as the 3rd best QB in the league, he, Moss and TO will provide PINK PONIES with enough fire power to crush teams on the way to 5th place (after all Moss will be catching all of those TD passes that Brady will be throwing). The troubling thing for PINK PONIES is that it runs against a team it has already lost to twice. BIG TUNA might be the only other team more inconsistent than PINK PONIES. It started the season 2-5, and closed it out 5-2. Tony Romo has unseated Palmer from the upper echelon of QB’s, RB ADDAI has emerged as quite the dual-threat out of the backfield, and WR Colston’s return to form coincides with BIG TUNA’S recent good fortunes. In fact, the Colston story is truly remarkable, and this former 7th round pick scored just enough points (21) to shake up the entire league last weekend. Yet despite everything in BIG TUNA’s favor, including the past two wins in this match up, I think this is the weekend that PINK PONIES gets its revenge. RB Selvin Young already struggled against Houston for BIG TUNA, and unless points can be made up elsewhere, things don’t look so great. It’ll be close, but in the end PINK PONIES should be playing for that oh so valuable 5th place finish next week, while BIG TUNA can only hope to beat DUMMY TEAM 2 and retain its 7th place ranking. Injuries undid both teams, and hopefully we can expect better luck, and stronger performances from these two players next season.

Finally, I did not want to write predictions for next week’s potential match ups because I’ve got to keep you coming back for more….

Happy Thanksgiving

2007-11-23T01:17:00.000-08:00

Okay, I've been on many of you to watch the show Friday Night Lights. So far, I believe none of you are convinced. Well, the picture to the left is Minka Kelly, who plays Lyla Garrity, head cheerleader for the Dillon Panthers. Very hot. The show would still be great without her, and is critically acclaimed in its own right (I have not read one review by any TV critic that did not love the first season), but c'mon, she's good to look at and has some really genuine, heartfelt, moments in the show. The Season 1 DVD was priced at 20 bucks to try and lure in new viewers for this season. If that's not enough, NBC is offering a money back gaurantee if you don't like it. So go watch Season 1 (I'm not entirely sold on season 2 yet), and thank me later.

Now on to the fantasy football stuff:

First, Happy Thanksgiving. With three weeks left (including this one) before the playoffs, let’s take a look at where the teams stand:

VOLDEMORT has a tenuous grasp on first place, but if things fall the right way this weekend, this team could end up with a two game lead with two weeks left. COWBOYS own the tiebreaker though thanks to a massive lead in points, so VOLDEMORT should not feel too comfortable in first place. Not that playoff positioning matters all that much, as any of the top 5 teams could be formidable opponents. VOLDEMORT has clinched a playoff birth and should just hope that all of its players remain healthy.

The COWBOYS, with their massive point lead, are in good position to make the playoffs but are already trailing by 54 points through the Thursday games. Built around a strong stable of receivers and dynamic running back Brian Westbrook, this team can explode at any moment. Andre Johnson had been injured most of the year, but his first game back he caught a 73 yard pass for a TD. Braylon Edwards has been the surprise WR of the season, and though Burress has been slowed as of late due to an injured ankle, the potential is clearly there. As strong as this team is though, a loss this week and a loss next week would be absolutely devastating to this team’s chances.

TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN suffered a crushing blow to its playoff chances with the injury to Adrian Peterson and the loss to the INFITINTY + 1 TEAM last week. They gambled on Drew Brees to fill the QB spot, and he delivered with a disappointing 9 points. Lessons were learned however and Brett Favre is back in the starting lineup and delivered a magnificent game this week. The return of SJAX makes up for the loss of Peterson’s explosive ability with consistent production. The RB’s on this team will be fine, and if Peterson comes back, a platoon of MJD, SJAX, and Peterson would be scary for opposing teams in the playoffs. The trading of Welker for Marvin Harrison was a calculated risk and one that has paid off, but not in the expected way. Harrison has yet to play a game, but Greg Jennings has stepped up and played even better than Welker has. Its doubtful Jennings would have even seen the lineup, otherwise. Still though, the Welker trade could hurt if it helps the INFINITY + 1 TEAM in the playoffs.

Tom Brady has put LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM on his back, and how he goes, so goes the team. The running backs are hit or miss, as are the Wide Receivers, but as long as this team has Brady they are perhaps the most dangerous team around. The big worry for this team has to be what Patriots will do with Brady down the stretch. If the Pats sit Brady because they no longer have a chance at an undefeated season, suddenly, this team loses its explosiveness.

DUMMY TEAM 3 and BIG TUNA are facing off in a huge matchup this weekend. A win for BIGTUNA means they’ll only be a game (or 2 in the worst case scenario) out with two games left. However, a loss will all but eliminate them from the playoffs. Conversely, DUMMY TEAM 3 trails the INFINITY + 1 TEAM by a mere 3 points. A big scoring day with a win would likely mean DUMMY TEAM 3 would move into the 4th playoff spot for the time being. However, a loss might not be the end of the world either as DT3 gets RILEY’S RAIDERS next week for what looks to be a win. Both of these teams are built around stars that play on inconsistent offenses and if nothing else, they could be major spoilers down the road.

PINK PONIES has clearly caught a string of bad luck these past few weeks. It seems that every time this team turns in a stellar performance, the opposing team happens to be just slightly better. Everything would have to break exactly right for this team to even have a chance to make the playoffs, which is really fortunate for the top teams in the league because PINK PONIES is an opponent that must absolutely be feared. Only one team has scored more points, and the Palmer, Moss, T.O. combo has turned into something special. Roddy White all of a sudden has become a player as well, as has sleeper TE Donald Lee. Where this team was hurt however, was the loss of LJ and Lynch and the running back position. Anytime you have to start Cedrick Benson, things are not looking up for you (see the real life Chicago Bears).

STEELERS OWN COWBOYS is still the surprise team in the league even if it doesn’t win another game. They are a dangerous team as well, as so much of their success is tied into the success of the real life Steelers. If that team goes off, then so does this one. Anyone playing them in the coming weeks should be mindful of the Steelers opponents and hope they catch a break. Otherwise, it could be a long long day.

RILEY’S RAIDERS is in a tough position. I can’t shake the feeling that clearly the owner at least has a good idea on how to run a team, its just that a shaky draft is holding it back. The Derek Anderson signing was by far the FA pickup of the season as Anderson will likely finish with more fantasy points that Manning himself. So long as its not against me, I am still holding out hope that this team can pull out a win somewhere along the way.

Before we go, I'd like to plug Friday Night Lights again. I would watch this show regardless of how good looking the females in the show are (and there are more than just her). Its a great, great show about a coach, his family, and his football team. Its more a show about life than about football, but it is one of the most genuine shows (outside of a couple ridiculous football endings) that you'll find on tv. I can't stress this enough: GO BUY THE DVD'S. WATCH THIS SHOW. And now, a couple more pics for your viewing pleasure.

WAX ON. WAX OFF.

2007-11-04T00:40:00.000-07:00

Well we have reached the virtual halfway point of this season, so its time for another review. In honor of the latest rumors of a Karate Kid remake (something I vehemently oppose) below are some quotes from the 1984 classic to go with your teams. Can anyone believe that most of us were two or three years old when this movie was released? How is it that I watched it so many times then? I mean, I have no older siblings so did my parents show me this movie the first time? Also, Ralph Maccio was like 22 years old when he first played Daniel-San and in his late 20’s when he finally shot Karate Kid 3. Could he really pass for a 17 year old kid then? And was he really ‘The Best Around’? Could nothing really ever keep him down? I guess he was, since rich "Allie with an 'i'" (Elizabeth Shue) went after him. And why were there always so many people at the 18 and under “All-Valley” Karate tournament? Wouldn’t those things tend to just draw parents and maybe a few friends of the fighters if they were lucky? I guess we should never underestimate the tremendous drawing power of the Cobra-Kai. Take a close look at that picture: "Music by Bill Conti"--The same guy who wrote the Rocky Music. Instant credibility to go along with an emotionally uplifting soundtracking. I love this movie, in case you couldn't already tell. Anyways, here are your quotes and rankings:

Kreese: What do we study here? Karate Class: THE WAY OF THE FIST SIR. Kreese: And what is that way? Karate Class: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR. Kreese: I can't hear you. Karate Class: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR

Goes to the COWBOYS. The Cowboys got off to a hot start this year and haven’t looked back. They struck first, and they struck hard taking out DUMMY TEAM 3, DUMMY TEAM 2, and TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN in the first three weeks of the season. No mercy? Well that will be seen in the coming weeks. Will this team allow other teams back into the race? Pivotal rematches are looming large.

Kreese: Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI! Kreese: Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI! Kreese: Defeat does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI!

Goes to VOLDEMORT, because ever since an early season loss to the INFINITY + 1 TEAM, defeat has not existed for VOLDEMORT either. Looking at the roster, I am not quite sure how the victories continue to pile up, but they do. This seems like a good place to point out that Chuck Norris was originally offered the role of Kreese, but turned it down because he did not want to portray Karate instructors in a bad light. How hilarious would he have been in that role?

[just before Johnny fights Daniel in the tournament] Kreese: Sweep the leg. [Johnny stares at him in shock] Kreese: Do you have a problem with that? Johnny Lawrence: No, Sensei. Kreese: No mercy.

Goes to LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM because I can just picture the owner of this team saying this for some reason. As a side note, you’ve got to love Billy Zabka playing Johnny as the quintessential ‘80’s bad guy. It doesn’t get any better than that. By the way, you can have your “wax on, wax off” line. Give me “Sweep the leg” and the chilling moment that follows it any day of the week.

Kreese: Bobby - I want him out of commission. Bobby: But Sensei, I can beat this guy! Kreese: I don't want him beaten. Bobby: But I'll be disqualified! Kreese: [icily] Out of commission

Goes to TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN. Injuries nearly took this team out early. Bulger went down. Steven Jackson went down. Lee Evans was nonexistent. And then just when it looked like the season was turning around, newly acquired Marvin Harrison is a game time decision, and SJax comes back to score a touchdown on his first possession and then leave the game due to a back injury. Can this team come back like Daniel-san and crane kick its opponents in the face? We’ll soon find out.

Daniel: [after seeing Miyagi practice the crane technique] Could you teach me? Miyagi: First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, Daniel-san, not mine.

Goes to BIGTUNA who I am trying to guide through the season. I can’t teach you how to win (obviously I am having enough trouble securing my own wins these days) but I can try and suggest injury and bye week replacements for you. Of course this analogy makes me Mr. Miyagi. I guess I could live with that. By the way, how great is it that Miyagi does not come out as a spelling error on Microsoft Word? Is he that engrained as a cultural icon? If not, he deserves to be.

Tommy: Yeah! Get him a body bag!

Goes to Dummy Team 2 whose QB is Vince Young, he of the 42 yard passing game last week (and 43 fantasy points all season). The Madden Curse strikes again.

Ring Announcer: Daniel LaRusso’s gonna fight!? Daniel LaRusso’s going to fight!

Goes to STEELERS OWN COWBOYS. I thought this team would win one, maybe two games all year. They already have passed that mark. Who doesn’t love this dramatic moment at the end of this movie? It’s right up there with the ending when Daniel goes into his crane stance, the music crescendos, Kreese yells out to Johnny to “Finish him!”, Miyagi gives that little nod of the head, and then bang! It’s all over, Johnny’s down on the mat and everyone is going crazy. And the ultra classy villain presents the trophy to Daniel. "You're alright LaRusso!" Did I mention I love this movie? Can a movie end any better than that? On another note, who else is tired of all my rhetorical questions?

Miyagi: Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?

Goes to Pink Ponies who has yet to find any semblance of consistency this year. Twice this team has had huge games, only to be beaten by a team that was the high scorer of that week. Despite the 2-6 record, Pink Ponies almost has as many points as the 3rd place team, and has a higher point total than the two teams immediately above it. One thing is for certain. This is a dangerous team and could play the role of spoiler down the stretch.

Daniel: Wouldn't a fly swatter be easier? Miyagi: Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything. Daniel: Ever catch one? Miyagi: Not yet.

Goes to the winless RILEY’S RAIDERS. If this team can ‘catch’ a win with that roster, then truly anything is possible. So long as its not against me, I’m certainly rooting to seen an upset win for this team somewhere down the stretch. One more fun fact before I leave: Pat Morita who plays Mr. Miyagi was nominated for an Oscar for his work in this classic movie.

Good Luck to all this week.

I leave you with some links to this classic, including one that will at least clue you in as to why I used some oddly framed language in the opening paragraph:

Best Around Montage

The Final Fight Scene--Also the "Sweep the leg" and "Get him a body bag" scenes are in this clip. Take a look at that huge crowd. "Hey Mr. Miyagi! We Did it! Alright!"

FANTASY FOOTBALL AND FOOTBALL MOVIES

2007-10-21T00:56:00.000-07:00

I’m Back. Apologies for the long delays. But here it is on a Saturday night, the night before my birthday and how do I spend it? Writing a fantasy post for all of you, of course. Since its been so long since my last post, I wanted to try and do something a little different this time around. I’ve always been a sucker for sports movies, and in the spirit of that, I have decided to compare each of your teams to some of my favorite (or least favorite) football movies. So, in no particular order, here we go (Disclaimer: I'm sleepy, so there are likely more grammer errors than usual)….

LVL INFINTIY + 1 TEAM is Remember the Titans
Tag Line: They came together when their classmates would not

A solid all around Disney movie that everyone can love. It had its shares of ups and downs, but featured a charismatic star (Denzel Washington) and some up and coming performers. Of all the teams at the top of the leader board, +1 Team is surely the most unexpected, yet is one people can root for because of that. Disregarding positions for the moment, Tom Brady is the charismatic star on the team, with Marvin Harrison playing the Will Patton role. Much like Harrison, everyone always forgets how steady Patton is in movies and on TV. He just solidly turns in quiet performances and always brings something to the table. Brandon Marshall plays the role of Donald Faison (of Scrubs fame, and Petey in this movie) and Dallas Clark can be Kip Pardue (Sunshine). Too bad there is no Hayden Panettiere (the grown up version of course) or Kate Bosworth on this team. “You make them remember forever, the night they played the titans!”

PINK PONIES is Jerry Maguire
Tag Line: Show Me the Money!

Good sports movie, or the best chick flick of all time? The debate rages on (I need a ruling from a movie judge, I don’t even think Simmons (maybe the greatest sports/pop culture writer ever) has been able to figure this out). Much the same way, it is still unclear whether PINK PONIES is a solid contending team, or just a very good mediocre one. Between TO and Randy Moss, there is more than just a little bit of Rod Tidwell on this team. “I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE!” Sorry, I couldn’t resist throwing in that line.

RILEY’S RAIDERS is Rudy
Tagline: Sometimes a winner is just a dreamer who won’t quit.

The hard luck team of this league. It came oh so close to pulling out a victory two weeks ago against TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN yet could only manage a tie. Still, just like Rudy, the team hasn’t given up and has continued to make roster moves in an attempt to better the team. Rudy (Samwise Gamgee) fulfilled his dream by the end of the season, will RILEY’S RAIDERS get their win before the season is over? Stay Tuned to find out. Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!

VOLDEMORT is Friday Night Lights
Tagline: One Town. One Team. One Dream

One of the greatest movies sports or otherwise, ever made. The football scenes were extremely well done; there was a touching father-son story arc, plenty of goose-bump inducing moments, a guy named Boobie, a brilliant ending, and an absolutely perfect soundtrack featuring the band Explosions in the Sky. This is the definitive football movie in my opinion. VOLDEMORT might not quite live up to that, but the team is smoking hot right now having won three in a row and giving COWBOYS their only loss. But think about it, the Permian Panthers looked good going into the season but then lost Boobie Miles, the same way that VOLDEMORT lost the Deuce. Peyton Manning does a perfect Mike Winchell imitation (or is it the other way around?) and even the owner of VOLDEMORT could likely pull off a Billy Bob Thorton southern accent. Fat LenDale White would make a perfect drunk Billingsley, and Fast Willie Parker would make a good Chris Comer. Too bad there is no place for Ivory Christian or Chavez on this team. As much as I liked this move, I might like the first season of the show even more. Same great story, shot in present day, better looking girls, better tagline (clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose) and possibly even a better coach. You can’t go wrong, but “Can you be perfect?”

COWBOYS is The Program
Tagline: Pressure surrounds them. Competition divides them. Talent unites them.

The program might’ve been the best football movie I saw until I watched Friday Night Lights, just like the COWBOYS were the best team until they got knocked off by VOLDEMORT. McNabb enters the year with a bunch of hype, just like Joe Kane only both have failed to deliver on that promise. Kane disappeared into rehab and McNabb just disappeared. Westbrook makes a good Omar Epps/Darnell Jefferson with his return ability, and skills to catch the ball coming out of the backfield. There was also some controversy about the movie and laying down on a busy street, just like there is some controversy about the trade that this team just pulled off with PINK PONIES. On a related note, how devastating of an injury was that to Alvin Mack? How good would he have been in the pros? First round pick? I’d say definitely. Top 10? Maybe. See, that’s the danger of staying in school when you play football. You might as well come out early. There are very valuable lessons to be learned from this movie. Well that, and don’t lie down in a busy road and expect good things to happen. “Let’s open up a can of kick ass on ‘em and let the paramedics sort ‘em out”….Bonus quote: “Let’s put the women and children to bed and go looking for dinner.”

BIG TUNA is The Replacements

Everything about this team screams Replacements. The title alone makes sense. BIG TUNA did not draft its own team, and only makes roster moves on a custodial level. I also like the idea of Tony Romo, being compared to Shane “Footsteps” Falco. We’ve got Todd Heap as the deaf tight end with great hands. Joseph Addai and Travis Henry can team up and be equivalent to the religious running back who gets hurt scoring a TD (Addai) and the convict who takes his place (Henry). Jeff Wilkins is the Irish Kicker, and WR Colsten is definitely the Orlando Jones character with speed but a case of the drops. I also could imagine Lights Out Merriman (of San Diego’s defense) playing the role of the crazy linebacker. By the way, I loved John Madden’s cameo appearance here where he was pseudo analyzing Falco’s attempt to hook-up with the cheerleader. Every time I hear “Falco scores!” coming out of Madden’s mouth, I can’t help but laugh. There are a host of funny quotes from this movie, including “Nan desu ka!”; “I’ve seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that are better organized than this”; “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”
But I’ll leave you with this: "Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory….lasts forever”

STEELERS OWN COWBOYS is Little Giants
Tagline: Just Remember that football is 80% physical and 40% mental.

Just looking at the team STEELERS OWN COWBOYS has constructed it is easy to see why….okay, what the hell, I clearly have no analysis for this. I just couldn’t help myself.

TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN is Any Given Sunday.
Tagline: Life is a contact sport

Potential. This movie oozed with potential. Al Pacino. Cameron Diaz. Jamie Foxx. Dennis Quaid. James Woods. LL Cool J. Aaron Eckhart. Jim Brown. The venerable Lawrence Taylor. Bill Belamy….okay, nevermind that one. Still though, all of that acting talent and Oliver Stone directing as well, yet this movie turned out to be pretty disappointing except for a few scenes. You have to wonder if that is how the season will play out for TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN. This team was loaded with talent coming into the season (Bulger, SJAX, MJD, Ocho Cinco) but injuries took a major toll. I don’t know what was more jarring, losing Steven Jackson to injury (my whole team was built around him) or seeing the guy losing an eyeball during a game in the movie. I just hope I have more good games that equate to scenes like the final game or the LT sawing LL Cool J’s SUV in half, and less bad ones like that horrible locker room scene (and I’ll just leave it at that). Despite the overall lethargic feel to the movie for the first 2 hours or so, the last game really redeems much of the movie, including the final speech. Will I have a redeeming moment like that before the season is over? I can only hope. So I leave you with this (in my mind this is the best movie speech before the big game of the season, ever):

(remember, you have to read this in Al Pacino’s voice):
I don’t know what to say, really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives. All comes down to today, and either, we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play. Until we're finished. We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell... one inch at a time. Now I can't do it for ya, I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I've pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me. And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know, when you get old, in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that's... that's... that's a part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losin' stuff. You find out life's this game of inches, so is football. Because in either game - life or football - the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this, in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch. And I know, if I'm gonna have any life anymore it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch, because that's what living is, the six inches in front of your face. Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think ya going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. Your gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it your gonna do the same for him. That's a team, gentlemen, and either, we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That's football guys, that's all it is. Now, what are you gonna do?

If you liked the speech, you can watch it here: Best Speech Ever

A REVIEW AT THE QUARTER MARK....

2007-10-04T22:07:00.000-07:00

Well, we’re at the one quarter mark, let’s take a look at the season so far:

Best Team(s):

A week ago, this would’ve been a runaway for COWBOYS, but VOLDEMORT’s miraculous win on Sunday night makes these two teams even for the year. Yahoo might have COWBOYS ranked at the top, and when all is said and done they might be right, but I think for now the victory by VOLDEMORT in the head to head matchup negates the sizeable point advantage COWBOYS have for the season. That’s not to say either team has nothing but smooth sailing in front them. COWBOYS have to be worried about the dreadful performance McNabb put up last Sunday night. If you remove the ridiculous 29 point performance against Detroit in week 3, McNabb has averaged less than 10 points per game. Additionally, Westbrook has once again become an injury concern for fantasy owners everywhere. His injury ended up costing the COWBOYS their undefeated season. One has to wonder what else it may cost them down the road. On the bright side though, the depth at RB has already started to payoff as Peterson netted them a top 15 WR, and the COWBOYS have some depth (however inconsistent it may be) behind Westbrook. This team should stay in contention all year, but if the QB situation does not turn around, they may not remain in the top spot forever.

VOLDEMORT has done it with smoke and mirrors at the WR and RB2 positions. The injury to Deuce might end up being a blessing in disguise as it led to the inspired pickups of Sammy Morris and LenDale White. Both backs should continue to see their roles grow throughout the season. With Calvin Johnson’s nagging injury VOLDEMORT’s WR corps is thin, but if Bowe can continue his hot streak, then they will certainly look more imposing down the stretch. Gates, Manning and Parker should continue to be stalwarts at their respective positions, and the injury to Marvin Harrison could boost Reggie Wayne’s value considerably. If the person running VOLDEMORT can pick the correct matchups for his players throughout the season, this team will be alright.

Most Disappointing Team:

This one is easy. TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN has been racked with injuries and is nowhere near where it should be. This team’s top pick suffered a groin tear and when he finally returns will be playing behind a non-existent offensive line. The 2nd round pick has been a bust all season with 2 fumbles near the goal line. The 4th Round pick has played in 4 games yet has not even cracked 10 points on the season. And the 5th round pick actually scored negative two points in week 3. Certainly not the best way to start a season. However, I have been down this road before, and thought the hole is deep, it is not impossible to climb out of. I’ve been making roster moves fast and furious in effort to overhaul the roster. My 2nd best WR was traded to COWBOYS for red-hot rookie Adrian Peterson. With the return of Chester Taylor, his value might drop a little bit, but let’s face it, he is the Vikings offense. Some people project him as a top 5 RB by the time the season is done, and I am gambling that he at least will finish in the top 10. My 3rd string RB (who just happened to be my most consisted one) was moved for Favre and Witten. Favre is approaching top 5 QB status and Witten is already a top 4 TE. This will upgrade both positions on my team considerably. Hopefully this is the week that MJD returns to form, and in two weeks we could see the return of Steven Jackson. Peterson will be insurance in the event that one of those two don’t happen, and the bevy of WR changes I’ve made will hopefully allow me to play the best matchup each week alongside stud Chad Johnson. As bad as this season has been for me, I’m only two games out. This week will likely be pretty awful, but after that the season should start to turn around for me. It can only get better, right? Um, well, at least one can hope.

Surprise Team:

This is also an easy choice. STEELERS OWN COWBOYS was ridiculed by the idiot who wrote the preseason predictions. So much for that. This team is a Tom Brady game away from being 3-1. I’m still a bit baffled as to how its been done as there is only one team with a lower number of total points scored. There is also no team more tied to the success of a real NFL team than this one. If the Steelers take a nose-dive later in the year, or when they have a bye week, things could get ugly. Still, with the injury to Deuce, Reggie Bush could see an increased number of touches and experience an overall increase in fantasy production. This only makes STEELERS OWN COWBOYS that much more dangerous going forward.

The “Wait, how did that happen?” Team:

RILEY’S RAIDERS are 0-4, so one would expect them to have a weak roster, or one struggling with injuries right? Well, not exactly. The team features players with sold point totals all around. The problem is getting consistent performances from them each week. Marion Barber and the rejuvenated LaMont Jordan are a monster running back tandem. Through 4 weeks, both are in the top 5 in fantasy points for running backs. No one could’ve expected that, and no one probably had any inkling of that fact until they read it just now. The WR’s have been serviceable, and the defense will always contribute. The K has become one of the hottest free agent pickups this year as Dallas is all of a sudden an offensive juggernaut. The only thing keeping this team from being a legitimate contender week in and week out is the absolutely dismal play coming from their QB position. If Drew Brees ever figures it out, this team will win more than just a few games. The backup QB’s are solid, and Anderson has been a Cinderella story, but is an impossible play this week against NE. Still though, even plugging the brother of Payton in this week, should be enough for this team to get its first win of the season. That’s right, I am predicting a win this week for RILEY’S RAIDERS.

The BOOM or BUST Team(s):

This one goes to BIG TUNA and PINK PONIES. One week these teams are racking up fairly big point totals and the next, they are no where to be found. A lot, if not all, of BIG TUNA’s success stems from Tony Romo and Joseph Addai. These two put up huge numbers week in and week out. Travis Henry struggled two weeks ago against the Jags, but last week put up good numbers against a decent Colts defense. If he stays on this pace, this team will be dangerous. However, it’s the WR that will either cause BIG TUNA to stay on this up and down track, or truly rise to the level of a contender. These receivers were touted as the best receiving group that any team had at the start of the year. ESPN.com and every fantasy magazine around had Holt and Colston as bona fide number 1 receivers and had Walker just outside of that group. Now it seems as if Walker may be injured and Holt and Colston, who once played for prolific offenses, can barely even get the ball this season. If this group can get it together, BIG TUNA will be sitting pretty in the playoffs. BREAKING NEWS: TRAVIS HENRY MAY BE SUSPENDED FOR THE YEAR. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

In contrast, it is PINK PONIES WR’s that have been carrying the team. I derided the choice of Randy Moss when the year started and man, was I ever wrong. Moss is far and away the best receiver right now, and it’s not even close. With 7 TD’s in 4 games, he is on a ridiculous pace and we may even see some records broken. And with the Patriots offense as hot as it is, there is no signs that he will be slowing down anytime soon. Carson Palmer is a top 3 QB, and Shockey is a probable top 5 TE. The K and Defense are solid, so that only leaves the question marks at RB. Larry Johnson showed signs of life last week against the Chargers. He has a tough matchup this week against the Jags, but after that, we could see some big games from him. All Pink Ponies can ask for is this continued steady production from Jamal Lewis. A return to form from LJ and a consistent Lewis will make for a team with tantalizing upside come playoff time. I think when this season is over; PINK PONIES will finish slightly ahead of BIG TUNA, due in large part to only counting on the return to form of one premier player, instead of 3.

Teams that are lurking:

DUMMY TEAM 3 and LVL INFINTINY + 1 TEAM. Quietly, Dummy Team 3 has put up the second highest point total in the league. Ronnie Brown is the top rated back, and LDT should be there by the end of the season. The QB play is strong, but the receivers have cost this team one game.

LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM is currently on a two game winning streak that no one really saw coming. The team was largely untouted coming out of the draft, but is now favored by Yahoo to take down the top team in this league by a point. LVL INFINTIY + 1 TEAM’s success can largely be attributed to the active involvement of its owner. The Trade for James will bolster the backfield as Maroney has not lived up to the hype and Jacobs has been out. Dallas Clark will continue to put up big numbers from the TE position and it looks like Tom Brady is on a record breaking pace. Additionally, the free agent pick up of Brandon Marshall has paid off in a huge way. If you go to sleep on this team, it will surely bite you in the ass.

HIGHS AND LOWS

2007-09-23T23:59:00.000-07:00

Let’s get right to it…

For those of you confused by the picture, this is former Cowboy Nate Newton (two big wins for the cowboys, fantasy and NFL, so what better picture to use than a renowned Cowboy known for his own "highs" and lows?) From Wikipedia: On November 4, 2001 police in St. Martin Parish, Louisiana, found 213 lb of marijuana in Newton's white van. Five weeks later, he was caught with 175 lb of marijuana on Interstate 45. He was sentenced to 30 months in prison.)

Highs:

First, let’s give credit where credit is due. COWBOYS has established itself as the early front runner this season. I would be remiss if I did not point out that two of his players contributed a disproportionate amount of his team’s points, but that is the nature of fantasy. Even if you take out the performances of Westbrook and McNabb, Cowboys still would’ve beat a very shaky TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN. McNabb and Westbrook have been inconsistent throughout the year, but if they can consistently put up even half of what they did this week, no team will want to face the COWBOYS. I caution getting too high on either the injury prone Westbrook or McNabb, but maybe this will be the year they finally finish a full season. Additionally, COWBOYS have knocked off two of the more highly ranked teams this season after this week’s win. Next up is another tough opponent as VOLDEMORT will be looking to bounce back.

LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM looks like it will finally get a win this week. This team has been by far the most active on the free agent market and it looks like it will finally pay off. The Jags defense dominated the entire Broncos team this week with the exception of one Brandon Marshall, a player that LVL INFINITY picked up off the wire 3 days ago. Marshall’s production may very well be the difference between victory and defeat. TE Jason Witten also helped make up for the lack of production that LVL INFINITY got from WR Marvin Harrison, Warrick Dunn, and the Minnesota defense. VOLDEMORT still has the Deuce going on Monday Night, but unless he can run for 100 yards and a TD, this one is over.

DUMMY TEAM 3 got HUGE production from its ‘other’ players this week. If you would’ve told me that LDT and Steve Smith would combine for 16 points and DUMMY TEAM 3 would still score more than 140 points I would’ve thought you were on drugs…or that I was. At least one team held up their end of the high scoring match-up were will all looking forward to.

RILEY’S RAIDERS is giving DUMMY TEAM 02 one hell of a fight. Down by a point with TE uber sleeper Bo Scaife still to play, things would seem to look good. The trouble here is that DUMMY TEAM 02 is starting Vince Young. For RILEY’S RAIDERS to pull off the upset, Young will either have to throw exclusively to Scaife (and take advantage of the ratio of passing yards v. receiving yards and passing TD’s v. receiving TDs), or have Young throw a lot of picks, or fumble quite a few times. I’m sure we are all rooting for this, but it does not look promising. Still though, this is a much closer matchup then anyone initially thought. Marion Barber and Lamont Jordan were two outstanding finds in the draft. But, at the end of the day RILEY’S RAIDERS does lose by a point or two, it will likely be supremely frustrating. There are no moral victories in fantasy.

PINK PONIES are just taking care of business, it’s as simple as that. Granted, Reggie Bush will be running on Monday Night, but the Saints offense has been garbage this year and Bush has been a bust. PINK PONIES looks like a genius for drafting Randy Moss. He has been nothing short of outstanding this year.

Lows:

TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN tops this list. MJD continues to be a complete and total bust. QB Bulger actually accumulated NEGATIVE points and Steven Jackson has yet to find the end zone this season. Only 2 players on the team played up to their projected values. You can’t get victories like that in fantasy, especially not against a team that had two players put up 80 points in one half of football. Jackson and Bulger cannot succeed behind that injury depleted O-line in Saint Louis and the MJD could be a total bust. That means 3 of the teams first 5 picks could be garbage. What a disaster for this once vaunted team. The owner will have to dig deep within himself and try to salvage the season. If the PAINTRAIN does make the playoffs it will be a force to be reckoned with, rest assured. However, the playoffs are a long ways away at this point in time. Things don’t get any easier next week against BIG TUNA. The only thing keeping me sane is the fact that the Jags won.

VOLDEMORT’s undefeated season is riding on a big performance from the Deuce; that is certainly not a place I’d want to be (actually, that’s a better place than getting blown out by 50 something points). The team was betrayed by mediocre performances from Calvin Johnson, Bernard Berrian, and Reggie Wayne. Had these players performed even close to their projected values, this one would be a lot closer. Still, even if VOLDEMORT loses, it will have to try and rebound next week against the sole undefeated team.

BIG TUNA got bombed by DUMMY TEAM 3. At one point in time this team was down 101 points. Stellar performances from Addai and Romo kept this one from staying that bad, but this was about as ugly as it gets. And to think, had Steve Smith done anything at all, it could’ve been much worse. For BIG TUNA, this has to be one of those games that you just chalk up to being a fluke, and immediately put it behind you. After all, that is what happens in fantasy from time to time.

DUMMY TEAM 02 should not have been challenged in this game. I can’t wait to see how this will play out on Monday Night

STEELERS OWN COWBOYS gave it a valiant effort. This one was close all the way through the late games before PINK PONIES pulled away in the end. If Hines Ward gave this team something, anything, PINK PONIES would have every reason to be absolutely scared of suffering a loss. As it is, Reggie Bush will have to play out of his mind for STEELERS OWN COWBOYS to pull this one out. It will be a fun game to watch tomorrow.

(The hilarious Nate Newton picture is courtesy of CNNSI.com)

The Packers, Cowboys and 49ers are all 2-0 and O.J. is headed to jail…did I wake up in 1994?

2007-09-20T23:13:00.000-07:00

That’s a great line and I surely wish I thought of it myself, but alas, I cannot take the credit for it. You’ve got to love the Juice….well, except for the fact that he murdered two people. I only have one request: Bring back my claim to fame. Bring back Lance! Yeah, that’s just what I need as I finish out my law school career. Alright, enough with the nonsense.

Ladies and Gentleman, your Super Bowl XLII Matchup: Detroit Lions v. Houston Texans

Ah, the danger of jumping to conclusions after 2 weeks of football. You’ve got to love all the chest banging going on this time of year over where certain teams are ranked on the various power polls scattered throughout the internet. Texans fans, you better save a copy of those polls that have you ranked in the top 10, you won’t be there that much longer. But this is what happens when teams like the Lions and Texans start 2-0.

Anyways, the point of all this is, if we are to make conclusions after two weeks of football, then we are wasting our time. This applies to Fantasy as well. The COWBOYS have been touting their position “atop” the leader board for this past week. I certainly respect what the team has done, but not anymore so than the performance of VOLDEMORT who is also 2-0. However, if I was a betting man (and oh, what a coincidence, I am) I certainly would not bet the house that these two teams will face off in the finals. NFL players are still finding their grooves this early in the season (see LDT and Steven Jackson), fantasy trends have yet to be developed (Randy Moss going big), and flukes have yet to be flushed out (MJD a bust? Andre Johnson a 1 week wonder?). Talk to me in 3 weeks and I’ll have a more accurate idea of the level of each team.

All of that being said, this week features 2 big time matchups and several other intriguing ones. Let’s take a look.

Matchup of the Week:

TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN v. COWBOYS: After playing Dummy Teams the first two weeks, the COWBOYS get their first test against a real, live, owner. The Dummy Teams have certainly been formidable, but the COWBOYS caught Tomlinson on an off day in addition to getting two HUGE performances from WR’s Edwards and Johnson, en route to their week 2 win. With Johnson out this week and the sheer impossibility of Edwards having a repeat performance, the COWBOYS will be searching for points in other places. Not an enviable task considering Frank Gore is facing off against the always tough to run against Steelers. Not that TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN will faire much better as MJD is facing off against Denver this week and it does not seem likely that he will get untracked on Sunday. If you couple that with Lee Evans benching this week against New England, Steven Jackson will have to breakout of this mini-slump to have a monster game against Tampa Bay. He will, and TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN will squeak out a victory behind Jackson and the strength of its WR’s.

The Shoot ‘em up Matchup:

BIG TUNA v. DUMMY TEAM 3: It’s the highest scoring team in the league against the preseason number one team. For BIG TUNA, Tony Romo and Travis Henry face early season tests against two stout defenses. Colston should have a big day provided the Saints can re-capture a little bit of last year’s magic, and Torry Holt should produce provided Bulger can get passes off behind that rickety offensive line. On the other side, Dummy Team 3 has been waiting all season for LDT to step up and have a big game, and this should be the week. The San Diego line consists of a bunch of maulers who are far to proud to let this continue to go on. At WR, Boldin might struggle against the Ravens, but Steve Smith is a freak of nature and (if they can get anything at all from Ronnie Brown) he and Tomlinson should carry Dummy Team 3 to a victory in a high scoring affair.

The Manning v. Brady Matchup

LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM v. VOLDEMORT: LVL INFINITY got robbed last week, and continues to be very active in the free agent market, making one sound move after another. However, they need to hope that Dunn can finally get something going this week, otherwise big performances from Brady, Harrison, and the Minnesota Defense (and I mean look for a HUGE performance from the D this week against the woeful Chiefs) will go to waste. VOLDEMORT is the quiet 2-0 team. Manning, Wayne and Gates make this team a formidable one, but the outcome of this matchup lies on the not so risky move of inserting RB Williams into the starting lineup. Normally it would be too early in the season to bench your #2 RB, but the Saints haven’t done anything this year, and the Deuce has been hurt by this. Ultimately, I think the gamble will payoff and VOLDEMORT will be the only remaining undefeated team after three weeks, with a close victory that will push LVL INFINTIY + 1 TEAM to an undeserved 0-3.

The “This is the Kind of Game That Makes You Want to Go Home and Beat Your Wife (or in this case husband)” matchup:

DUMMY TEAM 02 v. RILEY’s RAIDERS: The RAIDERS will get a win one of these weeks, it just won’t be this week. Lamont Jordan should have a stellar game, but with most of the other players on this team having tough matchups, it won’t be enough to overcome DUMMY TEAM 02’s running back combo that face off against each other and should rack up a lot of points against their respective porous defenses. Yahoo predicts a blowout. I won’t go that far, because they are giving far too much credence to Vince Young’s potential matchup. Still though, I think it’ll be DUMMY TEAM 02 by 10.

The Beat Down That Might Not Happen matchup:

PINK PONIES v. STEELERS OWN COWBOYS: On paper, one would think this is a potentially ugly matchup. The second highest scoring team in the league vs. second lowest. It should be a beat down of epic proportions. But take a look at some of the matchups that PINK PONIES’ players face this week. LJ will be facing off against the best run defense in the league from a year ago. TO gets the Bears DB’s. Moss gets a Bills team that gives up tons of points, just not many TD’s. And finally, Shockey has an injured QB throwing to him. Oh, the PINK PONIES will still win, but seeing as how STEELERS OWN COWBOYS has the majority of his team facing off against a 49ers defense that can be scored upon, this one at least has the potential to get interesting.

Apologies for the long downtime between posts. School got in the way. Hopefully that will not happen again, and if it looks like it will I will see about having guest posters come in. We shall see. Good Luck to all this week.

Links and Lessons Learned

2007-09-13T00:33:00.000-07:00

Some Lessons learned from the first week of fantasy football:

-You can never count a team out if they have a couple of players going on a Monday night game. Pink Ponies scored nearly 40 points on Monday night.

-The 126 points for BIG TUNA was impressive. Tony Romo and the Addai played lights out. Travis Henry looks awfully good in Denver.

-But not that impressive. Its still week 1. I bet this is the only 5 TD game of the season for Romo. I wouldn’t say this team is the front runner just yet, even after outscoring every other team by at least 26 points.

-Not a good week for stud running backs. Sure LDT accounted for two touchdowns (including a passing TD that only counted for 4 points) but he rushed for only 25 yards. Steven Jackson fumbled twice and scored 1 whole fantasy point. Larry Johnson only managed to rack up 8 fantasy points. Ladies and Gentleman, your top 3 picks of the draft.

-I’m surprised there hasn’t been more free agent pickups. After the first round of games, there is usually a mad dash to the free agent pool.

-That being said, LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM has been doing a nice job in bolstering his roster.

-When your team is stacked with players from the same team, you can do really well (see: STEELERS OWN COWBOYS).

-You can vote on who you think will win each match up by clicking on view match up on the right hand side of our league page. It’s a fun feature that more people should partake in.

-It’s a long season, so if you lost big don’t get too down and if you won big, don’t get too up.

Best sports links of the week:

Football is a violent sport, and after Sunday’s injury and possible paralysis to Bills TE Kevin Everett, you can only hope this miracle is true. http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3016159

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9nfY1H1fqI4 The Haka as performed by the New Zealand All Blacks rugby team (that is their name, not their racial makeup). If the Bears defense did this before a game, the opposing team just might quit. The best pre-game ritual since John Henderson unleashed this all time classic: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4cXZGkRMCY

Seattle Sports Blog “Enjoy the Enjoyment” has Ichiro smacking around media that ask him stupid questions. http://www.enjoytheenjoyment.com/2007/09/ichiro-calls-out-nonsense.html

Gus Johnson is the greatest announcer alive: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dcIvgiNWG1g

Rivalries between teams are what make sports great. But when fans go too far, some really really messed up shit can happen. Warning, this is both brutal and unbelievable to read, for guys especially. http://zachls.blogspot.com/2007/09/dont-wear-texas-gear-in-sooner-country.html

Wait, um, since when were we allowed to say “fuck” on TV? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qO1i2e6cySw

James Bond stuff going down in the NFL: http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=3014677

SUNDAY, BLOODY SUNDAY

2007-09-10T00:11:00.000-07:00

A recap of this week in football, fantasy and otherwise

Well, I'm pissed. As most of you know, I am a huge Jacksonville Jaguars fan. I became a fan back in 1996, their second year in existence and I’ve loved them more than any sports team. Since I’ve moved out here to California, I rarely get to watch them on TV anymore, so most Sundays I am forced to listen to their games on the radio. Sitting there, trying to imagine the plays unfold as they are being described by the radio announcer can be a maddening experience at times. You become exhilarated when the announcer raises his voice in a high pitch exclamation in anticipation of a score. And you become disconsolate when your team gives up a big play. I'm always hoping for the best but expecting the worst. When the Jags rip off a big play, I don’t know whether to root for the player to keep on running and breaking tackles, or to just fall down and not fumble. If the defense gets a stop on 3rd down (something that rarely happend during this game) I fully expect there to be a flag thrown.Football is such a beautiful and tortuous game, and I was reminded of this once again this Sunday as the Jags lost to the hated Tennessee Titans. I was overjoyed when David Garrard hit John Broussard with a 47 yard bomb for a TD. Yet, when the Jags gave up the lead, I spent the rest of the game lying on back, eyes shut, trying to will a Jags comeback. But alas, the defense kept getting gashed (where did you go Big John Henderson?) by the Titans running backs who eventually ran out the clock. It was a rough loss, as Jacksonville finally got competent QB play, yet the offensive and defensive lines, the two things that the Jags always could count on every year, let them down. The loss crushed me and its only week one. Listening to them play is such a bitter-sweet experience. I’m looking forward to next week, yet dreading it at the same time.

Now for a recap on fantasy:

VOLDEMORT-100
TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN- 65.

Analysis: It shouldn’t even be this close. If it wasn’t for a monster performance from Plaxico Burress (140+ yards and 3 TD’s…32 fantasy points), TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN would not have even cracked 40 points. When your running backs (including the number 2 pick in the draft) combine for a total of 4 points, you really don’t deserve to win….VOLDEMORT demonstrated the clear cut advantages to having an Indianapolis Colt, or two, on your fantasy team. TE Antonio Gates also contributed with a huge game (16 fantasy points), which allowed VOLDEMORT to overcome mediocre performances from its running backs….Despite all that, if Chad Johnson can duplicate Burress’ performance and add a few more yards, VOLDEMORT could still lose. It’s a long shot, but he’s done it before.

DUMMY TEAM 3- 80
LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM- 78

This matchup is tantalizingly close. Both team’s QB’s performed better than expected, however LVL INFINITY was let down by its WR corp and running backs. It was bolstered by a surprisingly strong performance by TE Jason Witten who contributed a whopping 17 fantasy points. On the other side, LDT had a horrible game running the ball, yet still managed to throw a touchdown pass and contribute 17 fantasy points. With WR Anquon Boldin yet to play for DUMMY TEAM 3, the only chance LVL INFINITY has to win is if Boldin fumbles the ball a couple of times, or somehow manages to throw an INT. To make matters worse, LVL INFINITY’S RB Brandon Jacobs may be injured, so the team will have to look at putting him on the injured list if necessary. If he is injured, they should definitely not cut him though because he will likely be back later in the year.

COWBOYS-70
DUMMY TEAM TWO- 38

The COWBOYS will likely rack up a lot more points tomorrow night as they have their first round pick, Frank Gore, running the ball tomorrow night. He tore up Arizona last year, and I look for him to do the same again this year. The COWBOYS got inspired performances out of their top two WR’s, whom I ripped in my previews, yet were let down by their QB and defense (which totaled negative 1 fantasy points)….This matchup could still become intriguing though as DUMMY TEAM TWO still has RB Rudi Johnson, and its top two receivers going on Monday Night. If Johnson can keep pace with Gore, it is not out of the realm of possibility that Fitzgerald and Houshmenzedah can close the gap fantasy points wise.

BIG TUNA- 124
PINK PONIES- 59

STEELERS OWN COWBOYS- 82

RILEY'S RAIDERS- 66

Due to technical difficulties (i.e. Yahoo taking down the fantasy points scored today just as I was beginning my writeup of the BIG TUNA/PINK PONIES clash) I was not able to complete a writeup for the last two matchups. Hopefully yahoo will have the points up again soon and I can get the writeups posted. For now, thank you for your patience....

More Expertise, Hot Air, and Know it All Attitude...Plus Some Outstanding Team Logos

2007-09-07T00:36:00.000-07:00

Welcome to part two of two of the fantasy preview...

Draft Ideas and Ideals: Everyone, well most everyone, goes into a fantasy draft with certain goals in mind. I for one, am a firm believer in drafting Running backs with the first two picks unless you can pick up Manning somewhere after the 8th pick. The logic behind this is fairly simple: 32 starting running backs and we each have to start two…there are at least 64 starting Wide Receivers, and if a team lines up in a singleback formation with a slot receiver, there is even more. Additionally, running backs are the only players on the field outside of the QB to touch the ball more than 10 times per game, so they inherently have more value than a WR who is a similar level player. Kickers and defenses are crapshoots in my opinion (last year Robbie Gould went undrafted yet led all Kickers in fantasy points) and I always wait until the last two rounds to grab them.

All that being said, there is no right or wrong way to draft. My theory has won me quite a few leagues, but I’ve been beaten by people who employ an entirely different strategy. Some people refuse to draft people they don’t like no matter how great of a value he might represent. I for one had the opportunity to draft Terrell Owens and passed him up. I don’t like the guy, plain and simple. Other times, people draft players based on who they like. We had two teams do that for this league and though I was initially shocked at some of the picks, their teams turned out to be at least decent. Do I think they’ll win it all? No. But they’ll at least have fun rooting for the players they picked.

Steal(s) of the Draft: Runner up goes to Deuce McCallister who drafted in Round 7 by VOLDEMORT. ESPN has The Deuce ranked as their 16th best running back and the 22nd best player overall. His value was depressed somewhat because he shares the carries with Reggie Bush, and lacks the flash that his partner exhibits but that won’t stop him from becoming the workhorse back for an 11 win team. He’ll get the goal line carries and probably score 8 or 9 TD’s. Not bad for a guy who went in the 7th round.

Winner- Chester Taylor, drafted by RILEY’S RAIDERS in the 12th round. Sure he’ll be splitting carries with the other Adrian Peterson, but Peterson has a knack for getting hurt, and until he can prove he can stay healthy Taylor is the only offense Minnesota has got. They’ll pound the rock early and often. ESPN has him ranked as the 26th best RB and 39th overall, a whopping 76 spots higher than where he went in this draft.

Reach of the Draft: Plain and simple, any kicker who was drafted before the rest of a team’s starting lineup was filled.

Deep Sleeper of the Draft: Bo Scaife to RILEY’S RAIDERS. Since we have so many first timers in the league I should probably explain what a sleeper is. A sleeper is a player who not many people know about, or who is going under a lot of people’s radars but has high upside. Clearly, a sleeper can never have had a big season the prior year, but perhaps he showed flashes of skill when given the opportunity. A deep sleeper is someone who is even further under the radar. Bo Scaife fits these qualities perfectly. ESPN shows that he is currently owned in only 8.1% of their leagues. But, if you look at the Titans roster it is pretty clear that Vince Young is lacking in quality weapons around him. The Titans let last year’s top running back and receiver go for no compensation in return. Its safe to say Young will be looking for some familiar faces out there, and what better guy to look for than your 6 foot 3, 250 pound former teammate in college. Big potential here.

The Playoffs: The general thought in fantasy is that it takes skill to make it to the playoffs but only luck to win the whole thing. The reasoning behind this is that the playoffs consist of two head to head matchups in week 15 followed by a final matchup in week 16. Having your whole season determined by how your team does in one week can be a tough pill to swallow, but then again that’s how the NFL season works as well. Additionally, by the end of the season, a lot of teams tend to rest their starters which often leaves fantasy players scrambling to fill roster spots, or hoping that their star player suits up…only to find out he didn’t.

And now for the moment you’ve all been waiting for. Here is a ranking of the teams, as they stand of today, in order from last to first. Do I think they’ll finish this way? Probably not. But I guess you can consider this the worst to best drafts, if nothing else. In coming up with these rankings I looked at ESPN.com’s fantasy projections for each player this year. I added the totals up for each of the starters (with the exception of K and Def) for each of the teams to give myself a good idea of where each team was. I then looked at the benches to figure out if they would make a difference one way or another in the rankings. Most of the time, they did not. Let’s get started:

10. RILEY’S RAIDERS. This team is loaded with darkhorse sleepers and high potential guys. However, you need more than that to be in contention in this league. The strengths here clearly lie in the quarterbacks. Drew Brees is either the 2nd, 3rd, or 4th best QB in the league depending on who you talk to. However, some of RILEY’S RAIDERS roster could be upgraded simply by picking up guys from the free agent pool and dropping the backup kicker and defense. There are some serious players still out there, and if you combine them with a potential stats monster like Drew Brees this team may play the spoiler role for someone before too long.

9. STEELERS OWN COWBOYS. Much like RILEY’S RAIDERS, it was clear from the start that this team valued players the owner liked more than players that would’ve helped the team win. Fantasy Football is about having fun, and if this is the way this team wants to go about it, then who am I to judge? The strength of STEELERS OWN COWBOYS is its Running backs and defense. Chicago will dominate most of the year, Reggie Bush will show flashes of brilliance, and if Clinton Portis can stay healthy he’ll have some big games. This trio, along with Hines Ward, should carry STEELERS OWN COWBOYS to at least a couple of wins.

8. LVL INFINITY + 1. This team’s draft was all over the place. It drafted at top 3 QB at the perfect time, yet reached for a wide receiver in round 1. The two Running backs on the team are both question marks, but in a somewhat good way. At least as good a way as a connotation like that can have. Maroney has the potential to be very good but all indications point to a running back by committee. That doesn’t necessarily mean bad things, but New England has never been known for having stud fantasy RB’s. Jacobs on the other hand was the Giant’s primary goal line back last year. There is no question he can get it done inside the 20’s, but can he produce at midfield? If he can cure his fumble problems, he’ll go along way towards answering those questions. Look, Marvin Harrison and Tom Brady will be great like they are every season, and the RB’s we just talked about; the real problem with this team lies in its remaining Wide Receivers. I’m just not sold on Reggie Brown, and Deion Branch has never lived up to his reputation. This team has an opening on its roster after having dropped a backup Def, and perhaps should look into picking up another Receiver from the free agent pool. Wes Welker comes to mind. It also might not be a bad idea to drop Isaac Bruce and pickup a good solid backup running back who is currently starting somewhere in the NFL. Someone like Warrick Dunn would be an outstanding pickup and could pay huge dividends in the long run.

7. COWBOYS. I know the owner of this team is going to be pissed when he sees his team ranked here. I know I was surprised when I first ran the numbers, but after taking a closer look at this team’s roster, I have to say that this seems to be the right place for them. Let’s start with strength’s first. The true lynchpins of fantasy football are the running backs, and this team has a pair of solid ones. Frank Gore was projected to go as high as 4th in the draft and should have an outstanding season. Brian Westbrook is always a back who flies under the radar but usually ends up having great per game numbers. His health, however, is his Achilles heal, and until he can prove that staying healthy last season was not a fluke, most fantasy owners will never be able to rest easy. Not that COWBOYS will be lacking for a replacement should Westbrook revert back to his ailing ways, as they have three solid running backs sitting on the bench. It is these three bench running backs that are part of the problem with this team though. It seems that the COWBOYS were intent on grabbing value with every pick in the draft, which is a strategy that is usually commendable. However, no matter how great a value some of those running backs represented in later round, those picks might have been better spent grabbing better wide receivers. Andre Johnson is a reach as a number one receiver even with new QB Matt Schaub in Houston. Laverneous Coles has only scored a total of 12 touchdowns in the last three years, and Braylon Edwards is an up and down type player with absolute crap throwing him the ball at QB. Jason Elam, Tony Gonzalez (who will struggle more than people realize now that he has to stay in and block more thanks to an aging O-line), and Donovan McNabb were undoubtedly solid pickups, but unless one or two of those running backs can be moved for a true number one receiver, this team will have a roller coaster season. A recipe for the playoffs it is not.

6. BIG TUNA. Another team that I thought did better in the draft until I looked at it closely. The strength of BIGTUNA is all about the Wide Receivers. You could make an argument for all 3 of the starters as number 1 options. Torry Holt is always good for a big year, Colsten is out to prove that last year was no fluke, and Walker had a teammate die in his arms over the summer; he’ll be motivated and focused this season. People forget that just 3 seasons ago he had 89 catches for 1382 yards and 12 Touchdowns. Joseph Addai has also been a trendy draft pick as of late and has been going as high as 3rd in some drafts. He’ll be carrying the load for the Colts for the first time in his career and that leaves quite a few pundits expecting Edgerrin James circa 2000 type numbers. I don’t know if I’ll go that far, but he should have a very good year. Travis Henry at RB-2 is a talented back playing for a team that makes even mediocre backs look good. If Henry can stay healthy he should have a very nice season in Denver….I said it in my draft write up but I’ll say it again, Todd Heap will catch more touch downs that Gonzalez this year at TE….Despite all these strengths, there is one glaring weakness on this team: The QB position. This will be the first time in Tony Romo’s career that he will be the full-time starter entering the season. No one is quite sure how he’ll handle this, or how he’ll get over the botched hold on the field goal in last year’s playoffs. Dallas isn’t sold on him yet either, as they have not offered him a contract beyond this year….backing up Tony Romo is the snitch Matt Leinart. He’ll be playing in a nice offense this year with a couple of big time receivers, but he’s a sell out and its hard to imagine his teammates rallying around him. Perhaps he’ll have a good year, but he’s even more of a question mark than Romo. This team is better than the COWBOYS, but not by much.

5. DUMMY TEAM 2. Your classic middle of the road auto-drafted team. Solid at every position but a questionable bench. No one owns this team so I won’t say too much about them except this: the running backs on this team are both very solid and they have an underrated set of wideouts. If Alexander is all the way back from his injury and two of the three WR have breakout years, this team will move up in the standings. They do, however, have Vince Young; he of he Madden Curse. That will be with them, wreaking havoc on their season all year long and causing them to just miss the playoffs.

4. PINK PONIES. The absolute biggest surprise after I ran all the numbers. The owner at times seemed lost during the draft, yet here her team is, in the top 4. This shows you the power of having a top 3 pick in Fantasy Football. I initially had the PINK PONIES in the top 3, but the primary reason this team is so highly ranked is because of Larry Johnson. The more and more I thought about it, the less comfortable I felt with placing a team relying heavily on LJ in the top 3. History has shown time and time again that a running back who racked up more than 370 “touches” in his previous season has a higher risk of some kind of catastrophic injury or awful season the following year. Let’s run down the list, shall we: 2003 Jamal Lewis carries the ball 387 times, gains 2077 yards and scores 14 TD’s. The next year, he gets hurt, plays in 12 games, carries the ball 235 times for about a thousand yards and scores only half as many touchdowns; Eddie George in 2000 carried the ball 407 times and had a monster year, the next year he didn’t even crack a thousand yards; Edgerrin James had 400 plus touches in 2000 and the next year blew out his knew and played in only 6 games; 2004 Priest Holmes, a consensus top 5 pick every year in fantasy; missed half the season with an injury after getting 394 touches the year before. The list goes on and on. Surely there have been exceptions, but LJ had a whopping 457 touches last year and a pretty significant 360 + the year before. This year he is missing both Willie Roaf and Will Shields (two hall of fame offensive lineman who retired) which means Tony Gonzalez has to stay in and block, limiting his effectiveness as receiver (and eliminating him as a threat for the defense). Oh KC has two GOD-AWFUL choices at QB (the immortal Brodie Croyle and Damon Huard). The Chiefs traded Dante Hall in the offseason, and their top wide receiver retired during the middle of a season three years ago, only to come back that same season to a different team. A true winner. With defenses not fearing any passing game, it’ll be interesting to see how LJ fares against 8 and 9 man fronts…..The rest of PINK PONIES is well put together. Carson Palmer is the surefire number 2 QB in the league. Benson should be a good, respectable number 2 back even if most of his teammates don’t really like him. Shockey will have a good year as usual. The potential at WR with Moss, Owens, and Jackson is absolutely ridiculous. And the defense is one of the 2 or 3 that you can start every week with no worries and with the very good chance that it will actually win you some games. IF LJ can stay healthy there is no doubt that this team will be very, very good.

3. VOLDEMORT. This is about where I expected them to finish up after the draft. This team might’ve had the best first and second round combinations in the draft. Manning is already proving his worth, and there are some people saying Willie Parker will top 2000 yards. Granted, those people are in the minority, but any time those words are being discussed anywhere, you know you have arrived. Fast Willie will be a borderline top 5 back this year. Deuce McCallister, as I have said before, was an inspired choice that late in the draft. He’ll have a good year and should be a solid number 2 back all season long. Throw Antonio Gates into the mix and you have the makings of a monster team, with two players the clear cut number one at their position in the entire league and another in the top 7 at the lowest. So what’s the downfall? There is precious little depth at wide receiver after Reggie Wayne. Wayne is clearly a true number 1 this year, and by having Manning on the team as well, every time Wayne scores on a TD pass it’ll be like getting double the points. However, the opposite is also true. If Manning does not have a big game, neither will Wayne. Santana Moss is an enigma, and so is the QB who will be throwing him the ball in Washington. Calvin Johnson is even more of an unknown. Not since Randy Moss, and maybe Michael Clayton, has a highly touted rookie receiver had any impact whatsoever in fantasy (please note that Marques Colston was not highly touted—he was a 7th round pick). VOLDEMORT has an outstanding backup QB who he could maybe peddle to BIGTUNA for some help at receiver. All in all, where this team’s strengths lie is in the sheer greatness of its best players. That star power alone should be enough to carry VOLDEMORT to the playoffs, and once there, anything can happen. Bonus points for picking Big John Henderson and the Jacksonville D—a must start against Tennessee.

2. TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN. This team was able to overcome a stupidly handled turn between the 2nd and third rounds where it could’ve obtained Steve Smith as well as Maurice Jones-Drew, instead of the Chad Johnson/Jones-Drew combo that it ended up with. Still though, not a bad consolation prize. This is perhaps the most well-rounded of all the teams in the draft. The QB is one of the 6 top tier QB’s in the league. Steven Jackson actually had more total yards from scrimmage last year than LaDanian Tomlinson. Maurice Jones-Drew is a homerun threat playing behind a ferocious offensive line in Jacksonville. Lee Evans is a borderline number 1 receiver and Plaxico Burress is a borderline number 2 receiver. Evans caught the most deep passes of any receiver last year as the only threat in Buffalo, and Burres is a TD catching machine and Eli’s saftely blanket. They will be filling the WR2 and WR3 roles, respectively. Crumpler is bit of a mystery with Vick out, but thanks to having a QB who will actually stay in the pocket this year, he should get more passes thrown his way on the goal line. TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN built its bench exactly the way you would want to in fantasy football. There is a good mixture of solid vets who you can count on (Joey Galloway, L.J. Smith, and The Edge) and high upside young players (Vincent Jackson, Brandon Jackson, and J.P Losman) who could end up in the top 10 at their positions if everything breaks just right. As the clear cut veteran in this league, there is little doubt that I would’ve ended up this high, but to get beaten by the computer is quite a bit sobering.

1. DUMMY TEAM 03. The epitome of a perfect draft, at least with respect to starters. Of course, anyone who can draft LT is way ahead of the game already. However, this team also ended up with the top WR as well. The top two players at the two most premium of positions makes DUMMY TEAM 03 a bitch of a team to deal with. The rest of its team is pretty damn good as well. Ronnie Brown played well in stretches last year and now has LT’s offensive coordinator from last year as his coach. John Kitna is playing for a coach who turned former grocery bagger and arena leaguer, Kurt Warner, into a star, surely after two years of tutelage under Mike Martz John Kitna can excel as well (even if he does play for the Lions). WR Roy Williams plays in that offense as well and is a true number 1 receiver filling the number 2 role for DUMMY TEAM 03. Almost every team in this league would like to have Anquon Boldin as its number two receiver, yet this team has him slotted to be their number 3. Chris Cooley has averaged more than 6 TD catches per year the last three years, a phenomenal number for a TE. The only suspect thing about this team is its lack of a deep bench. Should a starter go down, it could blow this competition wide open.

It Has Begun...

2007-09-03T01:14:00.000-07:00

Let me start off by saying that I love fantasy football. I’ve played in all kinds of leagues over the last 8 or 9 years and have had my fair share of success in them. My love for it can border on obsession, which frankly, is sad. That being said, if I get really into writing this post I could probably spend a good ten pages rehashing the draft itself. In order to prevent myself from doing this, I’ll break my analysis down into several parts, and if I still haven’t said everything I want to say then I’ll post later in the week. Please keep in mind that I am an arrogant bastard when it comes to fantasy football, so please don’t take my comments personally.

Alright, let’s get to it…

A round by round analysis of the draft:

Round 1:

Best Pick: Shaun Alexander to DUMMY TEAM 2 with the 9th pick overall. I know Alexander is coming off a bad year in which he was injured for a good deal of time AND he has to deal with an aging offensive line, but this man set the NFL record for most touchdowns in a season 2 years ago and he is still in the prime of his career. Its hard to imagine that he would’ve lasted to the 9th pick.

Worst Pick: I understand the mentality of picking players you like, but the Pittsburgh Defense drafted by RILEY’s RAIDERS in the first round has to be the worst pick of the round. Marvin Harrison to LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM wasn’t a sound pick either, but it was only a round too early so was somewhat excusable.

Analysis: We have a lot of first time players this year so mistakes like this are bound to happen. Both teams mentioned in the worst pick category still ended up with decent teams, and in truth in a 10 team league like this with three teams autodrafting, an early mistake is not necessarily a crippling one….Reggie Bush is a fan favorite and I would say he went too early, but if he lives up to his potential, the 5th pick might’ve been too low for him…If Alexander would’ve fallen one more pick VOLDEMORT would’ve been a monster of a team to deal with….the first 4 picks went as expected, though I suspect PINK PONIES would’ve drafted Addai instead of Larry Johnson. She was in the unenviable position of drafting 3rd, the spot I least wanted in the entire draft. Too much risk involved in that pick.

Round 2:

Best Pick: Peyton Manning to VOLDEMORT with the first pick in the second round. VOLDEMORT eschewed the usually strategy of RB-RB with your first two picks and it paid off in a big way. Manning represented much better value than any of the next tier of RB’s that went off the board behind Manning and he was able to find a quality number two back much later in the draft. Factor in the run on QB’s that occurred in rounds 2 and 3 and the Manning pick looks that much better.

Worst Pick: Jeff Reed to STEELERS OWN COWBOYS. Kickers in the second round are generally not a good idea.

Analysis: Outside of the Reed pick its hard to argue with any of the players chosen in this round. Half of the teams went RB-RB and it all paid off for them. DUMMY TEAM 2 might have the best RB tandem in terms of consistency, but TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN and COWBOYS seem to potentially have the most explosive tandems. BIGTUNA’s RB are potential filled but Henry is playing in a new system this year (though Denver RB’s are always good) and Addai will be carrying the full load in Indy for the first time.

Round 3:

Best Pick: Tom Brady to LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM. Brady was the last sure thing at QB (health plus stats wise). He’s had big seasons before with a less than inspiring set of Wide Receivers and this year he has Randy Moss, Donte Stallworth and Wes Welker to throw to. Be ready for a monster year from the father of Bridget Moynahan’s baby.

Worst Pick: Chad Johnson to TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN. Its not a horrible pick by any means, but I just had no idea who to pick here. I wasn’t sold on Holt and his gimpy knee and aging WR partner (Isaac Bruce). It was too early for a QB (or so I thought) or TE, so I talked myself into Senor Ocho Cinco. He seemed like he would be a fun player to own so I pulled the trigger. But he’s never had double digit TD’s with Palmer as his QB and he is inconsistent as hell, so needless to say I’m still not thrilled with this pick.

Analysis: This was the round of receivers, and a return to normalcy. RILEY’s RAIDERS got a RB with great potential who had a pretty big season last season for Dallas. TE Gates went off the board a full two rounds before the next TE, showing how truly valuable he is at his position. The difference between Gates and Gonzalez is quite a large gap. With Manning and Gates VOLDEMORT has the two players which are far and away better than anyone else at their position. It’ll be interesting to see how this strategy plays out. In the big scheme of things, Houshmandzadeh is underrated and Steve Smith might be slightly overrated, but in this draft they went right where they should’ve gone.

Round 4:

Best Pick: Marc Bulger to TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN. There are 6 starting QB’s who represent the top two tiers in fantasy (Manning, Palmer, Brady, Brees, McNabb, and Bulger). Bulger and McNabb both have some lingering health issues, but the fall after these two guys to the next level is a precipitous one.

Worst Pick: Olindo Mare. I’m not a fan of Kickers going this early.

Analysis: All of the players drafted after Reggie Wayne, with the exception of the two QB’s, are similar in value to their counterparts drafted a round later. Value wise, this was the absolute best time to grab a QB….Randy Moss is an intriguing upside pick…LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM is slowly building a very intriguing team under the radar.

Round 5:

Best Pick (Tie): I love the picks of Cedric Benson going to PINK PONIES and Clinton Portis going to STEELERS OWN COWBOYS. Both represent phenomenal value this late in the draft. If Portis stays healthy he has the potential to be a top 10 back, and Benson plays on a team with a run first, smash mouth mentality. They’ll pound it at the goal line to avoid costly QB mistakes and Bensons should see most of those carries.

Worst Pick: Reggie Brown to LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM. I’m just not entirely sold on him and the rest of the picks in this round were really well done.

Analysis: More receivers and more value…Walker will likely have a huge year due to the traumatic experiences of the past offseason…you gotta love Driver as the number one target for aging Brett Farve…Boldin is a beast and Lee Evans might be the best deep threat in the game.

Round 6:

Best Pick: Todd Heap to BIG TUNA. Steve McNair loves his Tight Ends (insert your own homo-erotic joke right here). If he stays healthy he’ll catch more TD’s than Tony Gonzalez. Mark it down.

Worst Pick: Adam Vinatieri to VOLDEMORT. Still too early for a kicker, especially when you are doing a live draft. Zero points for clutch kicks.

Analysis: Vince Young comes off the board here. He has a ton of potential, but also a lack of weapons, a weaker arm than most people think, and the dreaded Madden Curse hanging around his neck. An intriguing pick but I wouldn’t touch him (especially since he’ll be facing the Jags twice this year)….The first two defenses went off the board in this round. If there are going to be two units that will win you some games, these are the two….The Edge is a good back up for me in case of injury to one of my top backs as Arizona should have an improved offensive line under new O-line coach Russ Grimm…Kitna is a scary sleeper QB under the Mad Hatter Mike Martz and his crazy offensive schemes. No team under Martz has ever finished out of the top 5 in passing.

Round 7:

Best Pick: Deuce McCallister by VOLDEMORT at the tail end of the round. He needed a number two back and got one that rushed for over a thousand yards and scored 10 TD’s last year. Not bad at all.

Worst Pick: Nate Kaeding. TOO EARLY FOR KICKERS!

Analysis: This round saw a run on Tight Ends as some very good ones came off the board here. Vernon Davis, Jeremy Shockey, and Kellen Winslow you know about, but two guys who are flying under the radar are Chris Cooley and Bo Scaife. Cooley had 6 TD’s last year, and with a young QB coming in this year, that trend should continue. Scaife was a teammate of Vince Young’s in college and their connection should continue to payoff well at the next level. Throw in the fact that Titans OC Norm Chow loves to utilize the TE position and we have a bonafide sleeper pick on our hands here.

Round 8:

Best Pick: Braylon Edwards to The COWBOYS. His upside his huge, but he comes with a lot of red flags not the least of which is an unsettled (at best) QB situation. He has speed, size, decent hands…and fights with coaches, pouts when he doesn’t get the ball and takes helicopters to the stadium on Sundays. All in all, a perfect pick for The COWBOYS.

Worst Pick: Shayne Graham to the PINK PONIES. Not a bad pick, its just that it wasn’t better than anyone else’s and I can’t fault the computer for filling its starting positions (that’s what its required to do). If you are going to reach for a kicker, than you might as well do it with one of the best and the PINK PONIES did that. This is still too early, but at least it’s after the team filled most of its other major holes.

Analysis: Good value across the board for anyone who did not pick a kicker or defense. The most intriguing rookie went to VOLDEMORT in this round. The best wide receiver to come out of the draft since Randy Moss is going to play for a team that does nothing but throw the ball. The potential is scary.

Round 9:

Best Pick: Jason Witten to LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM. Talk about good value. The run on TE’s basically ended two rounds ago, yet this team was able to pick up a good one here in round 9. The only reservation I have is that Owens will likely steal most of the goal line looks in passing situations.

Worst Pick: Lance Moore. I could be wrong, but I just don’t know who he is.

Analysis: RILEY’S RAIDERS has a knack for picking deep sleepers. Santonio Holmes will benefit from the coaching change in Pittsburgh and a healthy Big Ben. I’m looking for big things out of him. If Darrell Jackson could ever get over his case of the “drops” he’d be a top 20 WR. Even still, he is excellent value in this round and so is Joey Galloway….John Henderson and the Jags D go to VOLDEMORT who will attempt to make blood come out the mouth.

Round 10:

Best Pick (Tie): Carnell Williams to BIGTUNA, Thomas Jones to DUMMY TEAM TWO, Marshawn Lynch to The COWBOYS, Jamal Lewis to PINK PONIES, and Jerious Norwood to DUMMY TEAM 03. Anytime you can grab a starting RB this late, you have done something right.

Worst Pick: J.P. Losman to TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN. Sure he has sleeper written all over him, and he has an outstanding wide receiver but this is the same guy who the Bills were ready to ditch before last season started. Is this really someone you want to count on when your starting QB has a messed up knee? Not exactly.

Analysis: Matt Hasselback by VOLDEMORT was a very smart pick. Let’s get this straight right off the bat, the only time Hasselback will play for VOLDEMORT is when Manning is on his bye week. However, by drafting Hasselback here, he prevents all the other teams who have shaky QB situations from a chance at drafting a valuable backup. Losman’s owner for one was looking at drafting Hasselback in this round….Joey Harrington could surprise some people.

Round 11:

Best Pick: Bernard Berrian to VOLDEMORT. The lone deep threat on a team whose QB can only throw the deep ball. You do the math.

Worst Pick: None.

Analysis: Potential-laden wide receivers went in this round. Vincent Jackson is 6’5 and can leap over people. Clayton came up with a number of huge catches for the Ravens last year and is still very young. Cotchery always seemed to be catching deep passes a year ago and Chris Chambers was consistently picked in the top 5 rounds last year….Normally Adrian Peterson would’ve won the best pick award here, but the COWBOYS seem to have this odd fascination with Running Backs. Eventually you need to draft other positions, no matter how good the value is. Still though, Peterson does have lightning in a bottle potential so long as he doesn’t get hurt. Bonus points for taking him just before VOLDEMORT was going to….I’d normally get on someone for drafting a backup K, but those of us who still haven’t drafted a kicker yet (me) were hurt by this move, so bonus points for that.

Round 12:

Best Pick: Chester Taylor to RILEY’s RAIDERS. This is the pick of the draft. I don’t know how he fell this far. The Vikings cannot throw the ball for their lives but have a strong defense. That means running. Lots and lots of running.

Worst Pick: Terry Glenn to The COWBOYS. Old. Washed Up. No longer has his coach. Done.

Analysis: The Anthony Gonzalez pick by PINK PONIES is truly an inspired pick. If not for the tremendous value RILEY’s RAIDERS got with her pick, this pick would easily win the best pick for this round. The number three receiver in the Colts offense ALWAYS thrives. Last year was a fluke because Stokley was hurt, but if you look at his numbers from a few years ago, you can approximate what Gonzalez will bring to the table. Manning likes smart players who run crisp routes when coming out of the slot. Gonzalez represents those qualities to a T. Oh, plus he did some goofy thing with his house while he was in college so that it was like he was living at high altitudes.

Round 13:

Best Pick: Jay Cutler to DUMMY TEAM 03. Good solid backup.

Worst Pick: L.J. Smith to TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN. A backup Tight End? Really? In the words of Mark Jackson, “You’re better than that.”

Analysis: Good QB value here.

Round 14:

Best Pick: Joe Horn to RILEY’s RAIDERS. I think he has one last decent year in him, even if it’s Joey Harrington throwing him the ball.

Worst Pick: Stephen Gostkowski to VOLDEMORT. When you reach early for a kicker he better be your kicker for the year. In other words, why the hell did you draft a backup?

Analysis: Rex Grossman offers a ton of upside this late in the draft, but only PINK PONIES had enough guts to even consider taking him especially after last year when he scored negative points in a Monday night game and actually cost some owners a victory (meaning they would’ve been better off taking a giant goose egg for the QB position that week). Still though, the upside is there.

Round 15:
Best Pick: Josh Brown to TRIPLE T’s PAIN TRAIN. Even though the odds of me finding another kicker are high, this is where you draft a kicker.

Worst Pick: Anyone who drafted an additional defense. You’re only excuse is if you plan on playing matchups the whole year, or you drafted two AFC West defenses with the hopes of starting them against Oakland 4 times this year.

Analysis: Nice job by those of you who took flyers on high risk high reward players this round. It basically costs you nothing to do it, but the payoff could be enormous. Last year there were quite a few people who selected Maurice Jones-Drew as a last round pick. I think we can all agree that paid off pretty well.

So that’s it. On Thursday I will have more on the upcoming fantasy season with my steals of the draft, the reaches, who I think the top teams are, and my predictions for the year. Please comment below if you disagree.

Here We Go Again...

2007-09-02T01:17:00.000-07:00

So this is it. I had to abandon the old site as it lacked focus and direction. Its name didn’t exactly match the contents of the blog. Why have a site called “Hating Kobe Bryant” yet only bring his name up once or twice in three months of posting? It seemed like a good idea at the time, but now that I think about it, its like titling a book, “Love is Forever” and then ultimately writing about people massacring each other. Okay, so maybe it’s not really like that, but I like the analogy anyways. Back to the point, when I decided to create a new blog I wanted it to have a name that better represented its material. So is the writing going to be mediocre? Well, I’d like to think it won’t be but that’s for you to decide. In reality the title of the blog reflects the state of sports in general. Mediocrity seems to be widely accepted in sports these days. In fact, I’d go so far as to say it is embraced. Every NFL team thinks it has a chance to be this year’s St. Louis Rams, New Orleans Saints, or Chicago Bears, therefore most front offices don’t see the need to take a gamble. After all, it’s better to do nothing and finish 8-8 (i.e. not finish with a losing record) than go for broke and come up short. In the NBA there are the San Antonio Spurs, Dallas Mavericks, Phoenix Suns, and everyone else. Rashard Lewis was just given a max contract by the Orlando Magic for averaging 20 points on a team that couldn’t even crack the 40 win mark last year. In today’s NBA 20 point scorers are a dime a dozen. Sure, Lewis will help the Magic win a few more games, maybe they’ll even advance a round or two in the playoffs one day. But the cap space they had been saving for 5 years is now non-existent—spent on a second tier player who they bid against themselves to get. Brilliant. Look, in the NBA you should either be building a core group of young guys to contend in a few years or you should be a team with a legitimate shot to win a championship, or are maybe one piece away (Boston went from one category to the other…interesting summer for them). Anything else and you are wasting time. All these idiotic teams who are content to finish 7th or 8th in the conference every year only to get bounced in the first round of the playoffs and then end up with a draft pick in the low teens need to get their act together. The incompetence in sports in general can be infuriating at times. I long for the days of greatness. When there were rivalries and hatred that caused teams and players to rise to the challenge. Not for money, or the fans, but for pride. But now, in this politically correct world run by guaranteed contracts and driven by advertising dollars, its better to be in the middle of the pack and go unnoticed than to be noticed at all. The end result? The players, the fans, and sports in general…we are all Mired in Mediocrity.

I’ll link to the older site at the bottom of this post, but for now just know that it’s good to have a fresh start. So how will this site be any different than before? Well for starters I’m going to try and adhere to a semi-regular schedule. I’ll also try and throw in more entertaining posts, similar to the “This is Sportscenter” post from the previous blog. Finally, at least in the beginning, this site will be directly tied into the precious few readers of this blog. Should my readership ever expand, well its likely these early posts will still be fairly entertaining. Anyways, here is the potential schedule:

Monday: I plan to have a running segment updating how the fantasy season is going. I’ll be analyzing the upsets, big games, and let downs that will undoubtedly occur during the season. I’ll also highlight any potential match ups in Monday Night Football that may swing a fantasy game either way. I did this type of analysis with some mixed success for last year’s pick ‘em league and will try and implement the lessons learned to this year’s posts.

Thursday: There will be a “this week in sports” segment for all of you non-sports junkies out there. I’ll do my best to compile a series of links to articles and clips about any big games, upsets, milestones, or outlandish moments that occurred in the past week of sports. I know Thursday is kind of an odd day for this, but I’ve got a full load of classes on Wednesday and Thursday so this will be all I have time for.

Saturday: This will be the miscellaneous post day. Random thoughts, a preview of the upcoming fantasy match ups, a discussion of the actual games being played on Sunday and a word or two about the college football season as well.

I hope to have some guest posters from time to time, and hopefully a return of Bestever, but we’ll see how it plays out. Most of the posts will be pretty football intensive but I’ll keep the material as light as possible. I’ll be back on Monday for a recap of the draft.

Thanks for reading.

Hating Kobe Bryant Blog

Coming Soon...

2007-08-31T01:25:00.000-07:00