One third of the regular season is over, so it is time for a quick review.Usually these things are longer, but I’ve been busy lately. Oh, but first, who has the scarier face in the picture? The alien looking Tila Tequila or Lights (and apparently, Game) Out Shawn Merriman? I think its Tequila. By the way, if you accuse someone of Merriman's size of choking you and throwing you to the ground, don't you think you'd at least have some bruises or something to show for it? Couldn't she at least have pulled a Jim Carrey in Liar Liar and beaten herself up so it would look more convincing? Anyways, on to my thoughts on the season:
Best Team
I’m All Out of Gum: Last year’s league champion is off to a hot start once again.After a season in which he only lost one game after taking over for an unowned 0-2 team, I’m All Out of Gum is tied for the best record in the league and has scored the third most points so far.MJD has been his usual self, Phillip Rivers has been throwing more than anyone thought, and DeSean Jackson has played like a number one WR despite being projected as a number three or fringe two at best.However, the thing that has really helped this team has been the play of the defense.In three wins, the defense started by I’m All Out of Gum has scored a total of 69 points.That kind of performance is generally unsustainable, so it will be interesting to see if this run of semi-luck continues for the rest of the season, and what the owner does to compensate if it does not.
Worst Team
Big Ass Tits: A 1-3 record and starting injured players and players who are on a bye week makes this team dreadful at the moment.In actuality, the team itself isn’t that bad, but an absentee owner is certainly not helping matters.If the owner of the team reappears, then this team could be headed for a rebound.
Most Surprising Team
Rickety Cricket: I mean no offense to the owner of this team, but he probably has the least football knowledge of anyone playing in this league.Yet, Rickety Cricket leads the league in scoring after the first trimester.The Frank Gore injury has been successfully navigated, but the team is still loaded with players with health concerns so the injury report will likely dictate the outcome of this team’s season.Clearly though, when everyone is healthy this team can be a force.
Most Disappointing Team
JCVD’s Superstars: A top 3 QB (the same one that I called the worst pick of my draft…brilliant!), two WR’s that are currently ranked 1 and 3 at their position, the second best RB, the second most points scored in the league and a 1-3 record (and the only team to lose to the above mentioned worst team).There is nothing like collecting a team full of talented big name players only to watch the team continue to underachieve.This must be what Jerry Jones feels like—you know if he could actually feel anything after all that plastic surgery.
Quick Notes on Each Team (In No Particular Order)
JCVD’s Superstars: Too much talent to continue their losing ways.Unless of course they lose to Pissing Excellence this week.Then it’s over.
Winning’s A Brees: There is no way Drew Brees gets shutout on TD passes for two consecutive weeks the rest of the season.Plus Steve Slaton and Knowshon Moreno look to be coming on strong.
Team Doe: Or Team “Dumb Name” as one owner put it.Will this team be able to collect all of the relevant Cowboys fantasy players?Will it be a stupid move if it happens?Either way, I’m rooting for it.
Rickety Cricket: Schaub, Jackson, Gore, Walter, Gates, Avery.Is there enough depth of both players and ownership knowledge to overcome the injuries these players are likely to sustain throughout the season?
Big Ass Tits: Will the owner reappear?
Pretty Pink Ponies: If Tom Brady can find some of his 2007 magic, or Larry Fitzgerald has a second half like he did last year, then look out.
Blackout The Jaguars: A roster overhaul and a Matt Forte sighting makes this team more balanced overall.But there remains concerns about Forte and the injury/performance of Darren McFadden is a blow.
Cleveland Steamers: The All Stars of yesteryear (Westbrook, LDT, Warner, Muhammad, Galloway, Freddy T, even Roy Williams) have certainly played about as well as their age indicated they would.However, if Arizona can somehow regain their 2008 offense, and LDT and Westbrook can get healthy the Cleveland Steamers will surprise some people.And the last part of that sentence made me feel dirty.
HELLON EARTH MADDAWG: This is a really solid team now that they have a legitimate QB—at one point Jamarcus Russel started for this team.And yes, I know Matt Cassel is on the team, I just refuse to acknowledge him after hearing the story of how my friend bitch slapped him in high school.
I’m All Out of Gum: Last year’s champ is the favorite until proven otherwise.
PWN3N NOOB5: A surprising 2-2 despite drafting 30 kickers and having a whopping 401 points scored against them.Adrian Peterson can carry a team if necessary, but the pickup of Sims-Walker was nice.Now if only Tony Romo was a good QB…
Pissing Excellence: Will start two RB’s this week that combined for -1 point last week.That’s right, negative one point.All that means is Pissing Excellence will likely beat me this week.Peyton Manning to Dallas Clark has been a great combination so far, but Calvin Johnson has yet to transform into Megatron.Perhaps Daunte Culpepper will help out with that.
I use this blog mostly for fantasy football write-ups and things of that nature, but every once in a while I’ll write something because I am bored and put it up here.Most of you Florida people know this so just ignore it.But that’s just a head’s up for the non-followers.Anyways, during the season this will be a strictly fantasy football related site.If anyone wants writing privileges let me know.Otherwise posts might not be as frequent as the last couple of years.Alright, without further ado, one idiot’s completely biased draft review
Round 1
Best Pick: Maurice Jones Drew by I’m All Out of Gum-- Coming into the draft, MJD was a near consensus top 4 pick.And while a decent argument could be made for the backs who went before him, the fact of the matter is MJD is no longer splitting carries with Fred Taylor and will be the featured back for the first time in his career.The Jaguars’ offensive line was decimated by injuries last year, but this year they have a new stud left tackle and a now healthy line.I see a return of the 2007 Jaguars ground game, one in which Fred Taylor and MJD complied huge rushing numbers, only this time with many more touches for MJD.By the way, there is no bigger Jags fan than me, so this opinion is potentially (extremely) biased.
Questionable Pick: Peyton Manning by Pissing Excellence—I like Peyton Manning.I just don’t like him in the first round, and I definitely don’t like him before Tom Brady.This is a reach by any stretch of the imagination.I could see the argument being made that Manning wouldn’t have been available when this owner’s picks came back around, but I don’t think that justifies passing on picks like Steve Slaton, Randy Moss, or the aforementioned Brady.
Notes: The fall of Steven Jackson is a strange one.Being one of the owners who passed on him, I can only guess that his injury history played a huge role in his free fall.I know that’s the reason I passed on him.Interestingly enough, Rickety Cricket (Eric’s team) picked both Jackson and Frank Gore.Two backs with lots of upside, but a litany of health concerns.I’d say this is going to go really well or really poorly, but more than likely they both end up having nagging injuries and finish with average seasons, just like the last couple of year.Also, I think Eric has autodrafted every year he has played and yet has always ended up with Frank Gore one way or another.
Round 2
Best Pick: Steve Slaton by Michael Scott Paper Company- The risk with taking a QB in round 1 is that you miss out on an elite RB or WR, positions that generally have less depth than QB due to league requirements.However, Michael Scott Paper Company was able to grab the best QB in round 1 and still get a top tier (or second tier if you consider Adrian Peterson to be in a tier by himself) RB in round 2.One that may have more upside than a few of the backs that went before him.
Questionable Pick: Greg Jennings by Team Big Ass Tits- After, taking Andre Johnson in Round 1 and going with the WR-WR opening strategy, it will be interesting to see if passing on Steve Slaton will come back to haunt this owner.If Slaton had been gone, I can understand passing on the remaining running backs in favor of grabbing another WR since there are so few elite ones, I’m just not sure if Jennings was the best option when Randy Moss, Steve Smith, and Reggie Wayne were left on the board.
Round 3
Best pick: Brian Westbrook by Cleveland Steamers- If you can stomach the ever questionable injury status of Brian Westbrook, you could have a potential top 5 RB on your hands—when he plays.Last season Westbrook finished with more fantasy points than Clinton Portis, Brandon Jacobs, Frank Gore, Chris Johnson and MJD.He also had games of 21, 27, 32, 37, and 32 fantasy points.Of course he also had games of 1, 5, 7, 3, 6, and 4as well.And that doesn’t even count the two games he missed entirely.Still, despite the injury and age concerns (he turns 30 this season—not exactly a good age for an RB) he is an excellent value for round 3.
Questionable Pick: Willie Parker by Pissing Excellence- Perhaps its not fair to pick on a team that autodrafted, but I’m doing it anyway.The 3rd round saw a lot of the middle of the road running backs come off the board.Almost all of the backs offer some kind of risk but also come with pretty good upside.Except for Willie Parker.Fast Willie has to contend with a subpar offensive line, and a now healthy Rashard Mendenhall stealing goal line carries from him.Not that Parker was all that successful in finding the endzone last year as he had 5 the entire year, and just 2 in his last 15 games.
Round 4
Best Pick: Darren McFadden by Team H- McFadden is being hyped by a lot of “experts” as being set to have a break out year.I don’t know about all that, he does play for the Raiders after all, but the potential is certainly there.With Jamarcus Russell at QB (at least until Jeff Garcia takes over like he does everywhere else he goes) the Raiders will have no choice but to run and run some more, a situation that will no doubt be favorable for McFadden.He was hurt most of last year but he’s supposed to be healthy now and if he can come even close to demonstrating why he was a top 5 pick in the NFL two years ago, he’ll be a steal in Round 4.
Questionable Pick: Earnest Graham by Wax on Wax Off—Talk out of TampaBay is that the Bucs are going to be using a three back system this year.And if Cadillac Williams is healthy (admittedly a BIG if), its likely that Graham will be the third of those three backs.If he ends up as the goal line back, there will be value here.He was good two years ago, and kind of serviceable last year, but with Derrick Ward on the team now, my guess is that he’d be hard pressed to live up to being taken in the 4th round.
Round 5
Best Pick: Marshawn Lynch by Hell on Earth Maddawg- Beast Mode is great value here in round 5.I know he slipped due to the three game suspension to start the season, but when he actually plays he is definitely one of the better backs in the league.After the suspension is over, Hell on Earth Maddawg will have gotten a number two back with number one potential in the 5th round.
Questionable Pick: Fat LenDale White by Pissing Excellence- White had 15 touchdowns last year serving mainly as the goal line back for the Titans.But after cutting out tequila and dropping 30 pounds, one has to question whether or not he’ll have the bulk to power into the endzone this season.I don’t know, maybe the Titans can put burgers and fries behind the endzone at all home games.That may give him a little extra motivation.But don’t think I’m completely down on White.In 2005 he was involved in one of the most ridiculous pranks I’ve heard of in quite some time.There used to be video of the whole thing but I can’t find it, so here is an abbreviated version of the story: http://sports.espn.go.com/ncf/news/story?id=2211556
Round 6
Best Pick: Matt Schaub by Rickety Cricket- Schaub is the last of the big time QB’s who weren’t irrationally benched by their coach last year.He threw for over 3000 yards in just 11 games last season, and with weapons like Andre Johnson and Steve Slaton on the field with him, he has the potential to put up big numbers this year.The big question with Schaub is whether or not he’ll be able to stay healthy.He hasn’t done it yet, and another year of injuries might cause Houston to look in another direction at QB for the 2010 season.For that reason alone, one would think that he will do everything he can to stay on the field this year.
Questionable Pick: Cedric Benson by Team Big Ass Tits- I understand that he is a starting running back and therefore has inherent value, but he’s Cedric Fucking Benson.He only scored more than 7 points four times last year.A couple of big games last year may indicate some potential, but this is definitely a draft at your own risk kind of player. Let’s ask the numerous Bears fans in this league how they feel about him.
Round 7
Best Pick: Knowshon Moreno by Michael Scott Paper Company- drafting a Denver running back is always a blessing and a curse.If you end up with a Mike Anderson, Olandis Gary, or even a Mike Bell for one season you are extremely happy.But if you end up with Travis Henry (he of the 9 kids by 9 women) or Selvin Young, happy is something you are not.That being said, Moreno is a first round pick who many people feel has rookie of the year potential.Maybe with Shanahan gone the Denver running game won’t be the same, but with the immortal
Kyle Orton at QB, I cannot imagine a scenario where Denver doesn’t run the ball a lot.
Questionable Pick: Stephen Gostkowski by Cleveland Steamers- Patriots kicker or not, drafting a kicker this early is giving up ridiculous value with respect to other positions in the draft.
Round 8
Best Pick: Donald Brown by Pretty Pink Ponies- I like Donald Brown a lot.Check that.I LOVE Donald Brown.I did a few mock drafts before this draft, and in every one of them I took Donald Brown.I think at the very worst he is Dominic Rhodes in that Indy offense, which would amount to something like 800 or 900 yards combined rushing and receiving and maybe 8-10 total touchdowns.Best case scenario, Brown beats out the injury prone Joseph Addai and is the starting running back for one of the most prolific offenses in the league.I may be wrong, but I think this pick is simply outstanding.I’ll say it again, I love Donald Brown.If only I had the chance to take him in this draft…
Questionable Pick: Big Ben by ME- Oh wait, I did have a chance to take Donald Brown.I still can’t figure out what I was thinking with this pick.Its not like I could have thought Donald Brown would make it all the way back to me in Round 9.As a Jags fan, I hate the Steelers, so there was no team loyalty involved.Maybe I didn’t want to take Bradshaw and Brown with back to back picks.Maybe McNabb’s injury history scared me and I wanted to draft a decent backup with a crappy O-line.I don’t know.The draft was only two days ago, but I look at this pick and cannot fathom what made me do this.I hate myself.Let’s just move on before I kill myself.
Round 9
Best Pick: Fred Taylor by Hell On Earth MADDAWG- Someone has to score some rushing TD’s in New England, and it may as well be Fred Taylor.Taylor hasn’t exactly been a touchdown scoring machine throughout his career but New England revived the career of Corey Dillon so maybe it will have the same effect on this aging running back.After all, he is only one year removed from a Pro Bowl season.This might be last season for the Best Jaguar Ever, and I can see him putting up one final vintage Freddy T season.
I also really liked the Lance Moore pick by Team Doe.
Questionable Pick: Neil Rackers by Wax On Wax Off- Never draft a kicker before the end of the draft.Kickers are all the same.They should never ever be drafted before the last two rounds.Preferably the very last round.
Round 10
Best Pick: Derrick Mason by Me- Not the “sexiest” of picks, but with Mason I know what I’m getting.At the end of the season he’ll have close to 1000 yards and 5 or 6 TD’s.Guaranteed.Unless of course, he retires again.
Questionable Pick: Jeff Reed by Wax on Wax Off- Not just no backup kickers before the end of the draft. No backup kickers ever.
Round 11
Best Pick: David Garrard by Pissing Excellence- Let’s ignore for the moment that Pissing Excellence somehow managed to draft 4 quarterbacks, and instead focus on the fact that the team managed to get a top 10 QB from last year in the 11th round.That’s right, top 10.And Garrard’s top receiver last year was an honest to goodness crackhead.This season brings a fully healthy O-line, Torry Holt, and a slew of talented rookie receivers.Garrard should hover around the top 10 again this year.
Questionable Pick: Ryan Longwell by Big Ass Tits- NO KICKERS!
Round 12
Best Pick: Julius Jones by Hell On Earth Maddawg- Anytime you can get a starting RB in round 12, that’s good value.Yes, even if that back is Julius Jones.
Questionable Pick: Kevin Curtis by Me- Just read a news story that he’s been hurt and might not even make the team.I should have taken a kicker.
Round 13
Best Pick: Laurence Moroney by Big Ass Tits and Glen Coffee for Rickety Cricket- Maroney used to go in the top 2 rounds of the draft so its almost hard to believe that he has fallen this far.Of course, his numbers justify this fall to some extent.But in an offense that could put up record numbers once again, someone will have to score the rushing touchdowns.A round 13 flyer on Maroney makes a lot of sense.
I also wanted to note that despite being on Autodraft, Rickety Cricket somehow managed to draft Glenn Coffee, the handcuff to Frank Gore.With Gore’s injury history and Coffee’s legitimate ability as a running back, this was a great pick.
Questionable Pick: Everyone who drafted a kicker
Round 14
Best Pick: Jeremy Shockey by Wax On Wax Off- Shockey used to be considered an elite TE.I can’t really remember how long ago that was, but people used to be legitimately excited to draft him.With Drew Brees slinging the ball all over the field, there is at least a chance that Shockey can drunkenly stumble his way into 600 yards and 6 or 7 TDS.
Questionable Pick: You know who you are.
Round 15
Best Pick: Bears by Team Doe- This is why you can wait until the end to draft a defense.
Questionable Pick: Michael Crabtree by Cleveland Steamers- As of this writing Crabtree is threatening to sit out the whole season unless he gets paid more than Darrius Heyward-Bey, even though Heyward-Bey was drafted before him.Even if he signs tomorrow, he still won’t be ready to play meaningful snaps until the second half of the season, and definitely won’t be able to beat out Josh Morgan this year.
Round 16
Best Pick: Everyone who took a kicker.
Questionable Pick: Everyone who didn’t
If you made it to the end, you must have been really bored. Thanks for reading.
First image is from: http://www.zazzle.com/eat_sleep_fantasy_football_sticker-217930379569743595
Its been four months since I’ve written anything of substance, mainly due to lack of finding any one topic that I’d be motivated enough to write about and that people would be motivated enough to read (even if its simply because they are bored at work). After finishing (beating is not the correct word) Prince of Persia, I believe I have found that topic: Video games (using PoP as a gateway). This will likely contain massive spoilers, so continue on at your own risk….
If you play Prince of Persia to within 1 percent of its completion it makes you feel a sense of loss and anger. I cannot tell you what it makes you feel to play the game until there is no more content left, because I did not do that. This sense of loss is not sadness or grief. It’s not anything even emotional. It’s just there. The anger on the other hand. That is very real. And directed at the jackass of a main character, the character you control. Not for anything he does or does not do in the story of the game per se, but rather for the insult he hurls directly at you, the player. Oh, and before I really get started, I’d rather not hear about how it is ridiculous to get angry at a video game. While I know this is true in theory, I don’t see how it is any different than people getting emotional over TV shows and movies. The same jackasses who cry at the end of The Bachelor, American Idol, The O.C. or Field of Dreams (okay, wait, that last one might’ve been me….might’ve been) want to tell me that it makes me a loser to express emotion over a form of entertainment? That’s fine, so long as they understand they are right there with me. Okay, initial rant over.
I first became intrigued by Prince of Persia after being blown away by a couple of the trailers that were released over the summer (trailer 1 and trailer 2). Keep in mind that while I liked the previous games, I never was intrigued enough by any of them to invest the requisite amount of time to see them through to completion. Therefore, as I have mentioned before, I have no strong ties to the series, which ended up working out well for me for two reasons. First, because despite this being like the 8th release of a game with the title of Prince of Persia, it bears little resemblance to any of its forefathers. Second, it absolved me of any loyalty that I might have felt towards any of the previous games, thereby allowing me to view the game objectively, rather than as a bastardization of the previous trilogies that bear the same name.
So, I watched the trailers and kept an eye out for advance reviews of the game as its release date drew near. All of the main publications and internet gaming sites gave the game relatively high numerical scores. I hate the concept of numerical scores by the way. One person reviews a game, spends half of his/her article giving me back story of the game, and then slaps an arbitrary number between one and ten or one and a hundred on the page and moves on. If the game is too easy or too hard, tell me why. If the controls suck, is it because they are unresponsive (which would be impossible to get over) or just poorly laid out (which your brain and fingers can adjust to over time)? Points get taken off from the score if the game lacks originality. Points also get taken off from the score if it does something too different from genre traditions. All I want to know is what the reviewer thought worked well and why. What didn’t work well and why. And on the rare occasion that the game is an instant classic or utterly unplayable, I’d like to know that too. You can take your 6.7’s, 89’s, B-minuses, and 5 stars! and shove them up your ass. I’ll form my own opinion of the overall game, thanks.
There are a few publications that do it the right way, and when it came to Prince of Persia all of them had one continuous theme: The game was easy because of how forgiving it was. Oh, and you can’t die. Ever. When I first read that, it almost sealed the deal that I wouldn’t buy the game. Can’t Die?! Easy! I’ve been playing games since I was six years old. I don’t need no stinkin’ easy games! But then I remembered something, I suck at video games now compared to when I was at my gaming peak (between the ages of 12 and 16). It used to be that I’d want to play only the hardest of games. Give me expert mode! Then I’d sit in front of my TV and play for hours. I’d get a tremendous sense of accomplishment when I beat a difficult boss. Or I’d get frustrated and pound the SNES controller into the ground when I missed a jump during a ridiculous platforming sequence. I’d scream that the system was cheating and contemplate throwing it out of the window (I have a friend who once punched his Playstation so hard he broke it). And I’d always sit back down and play again and again until I beat the game. I didn’t play for an “ending”, I played simply to beat it. That’s why to this day I still have a love/hate relationship with Mega Man 2, my Moby Dick of video games. But these days, there is not a whole lot of time for things like that. The stack of games that were applauded for their difficulty, are now sitting collecting dust in my room. Same with games that take 40 hours to complete. All of these JRPGs and open-world monstrosities that reviewers love, I just don’t have time for. These days, give me a game that is fun to play with a decent narrative and I’ll be happy. Metal Gear Solid 4 was like this. 15-20 hours of ridiculously fun game play, with a compelling (I was already invested in the story due to the first three games) but convoluted story and over the top voice acting. So Prince of Persia was a good game but easy? Maybe it was right for me after all.
The story of Prince of Persia is clichéd, but that’s okay because the narrative is quite good. There are two gods at work in the world. God of Light (good!) and God of Dark (bad!) They provide balance throughout the land, until one day God of Dark shockingly wants more than his fair share and war is waged. God of Light traps God of Dark in a tree (like that movie Fern Gully) and commissions a people to guard the tree and the kingdom it resides in. God of Light leaves the land never to be seen again (lazy bastard). Not surprisingly, thousands of years pass, kingdom falls into disrepair and only a king and his daughter are left to guard the tree, but the king is losing his mind and God of Dark is about to escape. His impact is already felt in the surrounding world as “corruption” has spread throughout the kingdom. The only way to make the tree strong again and ensure God of Dark remains trapped, is to cure the land of its corruption. Emotionally invested yet? I am. Let’s do this!
You start the game as the titular “Prince of Persia”, though it is not clear that the character is a prince, or that you are even in Persia. The Prince is a rather sardonic kind of guy that ends up playing the role of comedic side kick for most of the game. Yes, the title character is not the main character. Oh sure, the creators try and give him depth and have him grow as a character over time, but they aren’t quite successful. He starts out the game as a guy who happens to stumble into this whole mess after losing his gold strapped donkey (after doing some tomb robbing). He is set up to be a guy that wants nothing more than money and loose women, so when the princess literally falls on him at the beginning of the game, his motivation for following her is something like, “hey, hot chick who might be rich—count me in”. Though the Prince pretty much stays like this throughout the game, I much prefer the character to that of some whiny, emo-type character who spends the whole game questioning himself. Nope, the Prince knows what he wants and spends the whole game trying to get it.
The Princess, who goes by the name of Elika, on the other hand has lived in that land her whole life and is solely dedicated to healing the land of corrupted. Oh, and she has somehow been imbued with magical powers. She is witty and can trade insults with the Prince pretty well, and looks like Natalie Portman, so that helps too. So far we are deep into the land of clichés, but that’s about to change. Elika is basically a physical manifestation of all of those game mechanics we’ve become so reliant on over the years, and all of her actions are tied to a single button. Instead of pushing the jump button twice to double-jump, you jump and then push the button that calls for Elika, and she throws you higher or farther for the second “jump”. When in a fight, you can use the Prince’s sword or gauntlet to push back an enemy and then use Elika to chain in some magic attacks. You can even toss an enemy into the air and then throw Elika up after him to attack. It’s all done stylishly well, and since she is your constant companion, running and jumping by your side, you come to rely on her a lot. Oh and then there is the part about the whole no death thing.
In Prince of Persia, if you are jumping, and swinging and wall-running from area to area and you miss time a jump and fall, Elika will grab you and the game will transport you back to the last piece of solid ground you were on. This caused people to be outraged that a game could exist where you never die. They claim it makes it cheap and takes away the challenge. However, there is almost no game on the market today where death exists. At least not in the sense of old-school gaming death. Remember the days of searching everywhere for extra lives, because if you died more than 3 times the game would end? Maybe you’d get a continue, but for the most part, even if you were on the last enemy, you had to restart the game entirely if you ran out of lives. Now, the only thing that comes with death is load times and a magical reappearance at a save point/respawn point. It is an accepted play mechanic that no one even thinks twice about. Prince of Persia simply gives a reason for the reappearance and removes frustrating load times. Can anyone really have a problem with that? I don’t. Certainly not in this day in age where load times can last for mind-numbing durations.
So you run, jump, double-jump, wall-run and fight through the game’s levels, curing the land by killing some colossus type bosses and collecting light seeds to strengthen Elika after the land is healed. About half way through you find out that Elika was dead once and her father was so distraught that he took power away from the tree holding the God of Dark and somehow transferred it to his dead daughter’s body. At this point any seasoned gamer (or movie-goer) knows that this is not going to end well for Elika unless there is some kind of sappy twist at the finale. She knows she is going to die when she completes the task of healing all the lands, but resolutely does it anyway, believing that her life is what caused the corruption to spread. The Prince? Well, he seems to remain oblivious and continues to make sarcastic remarks, though he does try and say that he wants to stay in this land with Elika when they finish healing. She says, not so cryptically, that he can have the land when this is done. By this point the Prince has developed from a guy who decided to help out because of a hot girl, to a guy who continues to help out because of a hot girl, and he wants to get revenge on the God of Dark for getting in his way of having sex with said hot girl. Character development? Check.
As a player, this is all fine and well. The Prince is good for comic relief and has nothing more than a seemingly passing interest in “saving the world”. Elika, however, does. And the game does a good job of allowing a player to care about that interest, or not care at all, through optional conversations. No more long winded cut scenes if you just want to play the game for the game. You can talk to Elika at any point in time using just the press of one of the shoulder buttons on the controller. Then the Prince will ask a question and Elika will answer, or the two will engage in conversation. You keep pressing the button to continue the conversation until the Prince says one of his canned lines, upon which you know the conversation is over. Anyways, the point is that you, the player, choose whether or not to care about Elika’s journey. And I figured since I am playing the game for my entertainment, I should care. So I pushed the L2 button and talked whenever the game displayed the optional conversation icon. A lot of these conversations were about choice and how Elika basically felt that she had no choice but to heal these lands, it’s the duty of her people and all that good stuff. The Prince responds by saying that you always have a choice. She could, after all, just run away with him. I liked the idea of optional conversations as they were a way for the player to feel even more actively involved in the game if they so chose.
15 hours later, after healing all the lands, collecting hundreds of light seeds and becoming genuinely invested in Elika’s quest to purge the land, and enjoying the stunning transformation each land undergoes when it is healed, it was time to take on the final boss. I knew Elika would die when I beat the boss, but that was okay. Though she was a character I grew attached to (well in the whole video game sense of things), it was a necessary conclusion to the game and even the character was good with it. The narrative throughout the game made it as such. So the Prince slays the last boss, Elika gives her life (light seed energy) to heal the tree and seal the God of Dark back into the tree. The Prince gives his requisite scream of despair and then carries her body down a long temple corridor that heads outside. The Credits roll. Should be game over. Only it’s not.
The Prince lays Elika’s body on top of her mother’s tomb (a tomb he so hilariously called “a tomb with a view”, earlier in the game) and looks out over all of the land that they healed. There are four trees with a blue light above them, representing the four main areas of the game. The trees are all standing on islands raised off of the ground. The islands are surrounded by pillars and rock masses making it evident that you had to climb up one of the pillars and jump across. After 15 hours of gaming, performing this kind of action was second nature so I send the Prince running over to a pillar and have him climb up. I take aim at the island, jump, and then press the button to double-jump…and the Prince falls to the ground. What the hell? Then I remember, Elika is dead. The game creators, those evil bastards, placed the most obvious route to the island in perfect range of the double jump knowing that the player would try it. The sense of loss when you push that button and get no response is quite indescribable. It doesn’t make you feel sad. Its just you suddenly realize how much you relied on that one character throughout the whole game. Yes, you, not the Prince, relied on her. And then she wasn’t there. It is a great mechanic in that it causes the player to feel a sense of loss, rather than experiencing that loss through the eyes of a character. It’d be interesting to see if other games could work something like this in.
The sense of loss also stems from the fact that the game causes you to identify with Elika, to actively engage in her story. Never once do you really feel a connection with The Prince. This is not the story of Solid Snake or Marcus Fenix, or any of those characters that you both identify with (as much as you can identify with a 90 year old chain-smoking spy who fights women dressed as animals, or a roided up marine fighting aliens) and control. This is the story of Elika, and you were along for the ride, invested in helping her, using the Prince as a surrogate of sorts in that cause.
Until, all of a sudden you weren’t. When you control the Prince and make him jump onto that island with the tree, you start to hear whisperings of the God of Dark to cut down the tree. And I was thinking, wait, the game wants me to make this Prince guy undo what I had just done. All of a sudden the Prince wasn’t a surrogate for my actions but rather a guy on the screen that I could control. Except for I could only control him to do one thing: Cut down those trees and effectively waste the 15 or so hours I spent on the game. It was akin to having a list of things to do, spending two weeks finishing the list, and then after you cross off the last item, a new item appears and says to undo everything. Well screw that. You think I am going to control this avatar and watch him undo all of MY work? You think I am going to screw up the story of the only character that was interesting and engaging? I am supposed to cede the story’s ending to a secondary character? Nope. Fuck you, Prince. Except, what other choice did I have?
The whole game the Prince had been talking about how there was always a choice. Yet, I found it odd that at the very end of the game, the player was given no choice. The Prince’s only actions that had any consequence was cutting down trees. Well, I suppose the game could have turned into a running simulator where I ran around the temple for all eternity. But seeing as how my actions in controlling the Prince were limited, I decided that my actions toward the game were not. I would simply shut off the machine. After all, the credits had already rolled to completion. The proper ending had been reached. So that’s what I did.
I have since seen what happens if you do cut down the trees, and I suppose it does end up giving the developers a way to set up the inevitable sequel, so that is nice and all I guess. However, I looked at some game message boards and read some interviews with the creators and it seems as though one of the goals of the game was to snap you out of the immersion of the game world and make you make your own choice. They wanted you to use your reaction the first time you went to double jump and failed. Will you succumb to the whispers of the Dark God, feeling a sense of loss and believing you have no choice, just like Elika’s father? Or, will you respect the story of the main character and end the game with the land healed, a goal fulfilled, but with the loss of your loyal companion?
I have to say that if the game didn’t present this choice, if it ended right after the credits, or if it showed a simple cut scene of the Prince chopping down those trees, it would not have really resonated with me. The choice is where the power of the game lies. Apparently a game like Bioshock offers this choice as well, though I have not played it to confirm one way or another. Now I am fascinated by this idea of avatar disconnect, and wonder if it is in many other games. Games always seem to give the player control of a character they can root for, and place that character in a story that ensures the player and character’s motivations are, for the most part, one and the same. But what happens when the player and the character are intentionally designed to be at cross-purposes? It’s such a jarring reality because it goes against every story-telling norm that we know. And there is no other story-telling medium that can convey that.
This will be a relatively short playoff preview for the Mired in Mediocrity fantasy football league. I think its safe to say that this has been an interesting year for both the NFL and fantasy football. LaDanian Tomlinson, this season’s consensus number 1 pick has been but a shell of his former self. The season ended for some in the first game of the season when Tom Brady went down for the year, affecting both Brady and Moss owners who likely spent first round picks on them. Kurt Warner, Phillip Rivers, Aaron Rodgers and Jay Cutler are currently the 2nd thru 5th rated QB’s in the league. Who saw that coming? Running back is even stranger with Michael Turner, Matt Forte, Thomas Jones and Deangelo Williams all ranked among the top of the position. At least the Wide Receivers represent a little bit of a return to normalcy. Though Moss and Owens aren’t 1-2 like most people had them at the start of the season, they remain in the top nine. In fact that only real surprise in the top 9 is Vincent Jackson, a receiver who is 6’6 and oozes potential (and one that I drafted every year until this year--brilliant) but can never seem to put it together. With all of that being said, let’s take a look at the 6 teams that made the playoffs and handicap the race.
The Longshots:
Team Small. Burned by a stunning lack of production from its top 3 picks to start the year, the fact that this team is even in the playoffs is no small feat (no pun intended). There is no doubt that Tomlinson’s production on Thursday night will be helpful, but the fact of the matter is, in the first game of the playoffs, Small goes up against a powerhouse of a team that dominated the league for much of the earlier part of the season and outscored Team Small by 120 total points this season. Assuming that Team Small is lucky enough to get past the Redeam Team, it still has to go against the number 2 seed, and then one of a host of teams from the other bracket; all of whom outscored Small this season. Team Small has a lot of pluck, but not enough to traverse that road successfully. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 50-1)
The Dundies. This team put up a valiant effort throughout much of the season, and is actually the surprise team of the league, at least of the teams that made it to the playoffs. Droppin Dueces was the surprise in how poorly that team fared, but that’s another story. Back to The Dundies. Had this team been able to defeat PainTrain in the last week of the season and earned a bye, it would have a much better shot at winning. But the fact of the matter is, The Dundies opponent has favorable matchups across the board, while The Dundies must rely on Matt Cassel and Sammy Morris to produce bigger than expected numbers against Seattle, and an angry Cardinals defense must score a couple of touchdowns in order for them to have a chance. A prospect that does not seem likely. Even if the Dundies does manage to pull of the upset, they will find a team that has not lost since September, waiting for them. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 45-1).
The Streaky Team:
Triple T’s PainTrain. One look at the numbers in the standings reveals that, at first glance, this team appears to have been more lucky than good. After all, they tied for the best record in the league despite having scored almost 70 points less than the team they tied with, and only 15 points more than Team Small. When you couple that with the fact that the second fewest points were scored against them, luck no doubt has played a part in PainTrain getting to where it is today. However, this is also a team that broke the 90 point barrier in 4 of the first 5 games of the season and finished the season with point totals of 94, 109, 113, and 104 points (while clinching the division title in a 63 point thrashing of The Dundies). In between those two streaks though, The PainTrain notched paltry totals of 35, 50 and 58 points. One would think this team would benefit greatly from the bye, but one must wonder how a week off will affect the team’s momentum. If the team stays hot it could win the whole thing effortlessly. But should Triple T’s PainTrain fall into a slump now, against this level of competition, there will be a massacre of epic proportions. (Totally random of odds of winning the championship: 15-1…yes, the bye lowers the odds tremendously).
The Returning Champion:
Evil Empire Champions. A year after riding Tom Brady’s magical arm to a championship, Evil Empire returns to the playoffs and is coming off a rather solid year. Injuries really took a toll on this team in the middle of the season when Westbrook and Bush were lost for significant periods of time and haven’t really been “right” even when they played. The owner did a magnificent job of juggling his roster and playing the hot hand each week and it has paid off in a big way. A team that loses its starting two running backs shouldn’t be able to succeed the way Evil Empire did. Luckily, Lance Moore turned into a top 10 wideout and Kurt Warner found the fountain of youth, allowing Larry Fitzgerald to have another standout year. Moore and Denver RB Payton Hills have been two of the real “finds” off the free agent list and must continue to produce for Evil Empire to return to glory. Evil Empire should have enough to get past The Dundies in the first round however, The Bay Benchwarmers will be the clear favorite in a second round match up. But those pundits predicting that Evil Empire won’t repeat should remember to never underestimate the heart of a champion (Totally random of odds of winning the championship: 10-1).
The Juggernaut:
Redeam Team. This is a team that outscored four of the other playoff teams by at least 80 points. It also had the second most points scored against it, yet it finished with a 9-4 record, meaning it took everyone’s best shot and kept on going. Drew Brees and Steve Slaton have been the engines that have kept this train going, and it’s doubtful a first round matchup against Team Small will do anything to change that. The only true question mark on this team is its heart, or rather, its ability to produce in the clutch. The team is run by the same owner that managed to miss the playoffs last season despite scoring the most points in the league. In the last game of this season, needing only a win to clinch the division it lost by 14 points to Evil Empire, when its owner over thought and made some panic decisions. With Redeam Team facing the number 6 seed as well as a weak number 2 seed, its path to the finals may just be easier than any other team in the playoffs. Despite not being listed as the favorite in this preview, anything less than a championship would be a massive disappointment for Redeam Team. Will it step up to the plate, or wrap two hands around its neck and squeeze? (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 4-1)
The Favorite:
Bay Benchwarmers. The owner of this team took over the team when it was 0-2 and ownerless. Since then, the team has won 10 of its last 11 games, including 9 in a row on its way to the second most points scored and the number one seed in the playoffs. Evil Empire and Bay Benchwarmers split their match ups this season, and Bay Benchwarmers beat The Dundies the only two times these teams faced off. The total difference in points from the two clashes with Evil Empire is just one point, so should those two teams play it will undoubtedly be a sight to see. There are some concerns surrounding this team, with Clinton Portis hobbled by an ankle injury, but overall, QB thru Kicker and bench, this is the most solid team in the league and the odds on favorite to win the championship. (Totally random odds of winning the championship: 3-1).
The silicon chip inside her head
Gets switched to overload.
And nobody's gonna go to school today,
She's going to make them stay at home.
And daddy doesn't understand it,
He always said she was as good as gold.
And he can see no reason
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.
The telex machine is kept so clean
As it types to a waiting world.
And mother feels so shocked,
Father's world is rocked,
And their thoughts turn to
Their own little girl.
Sweet 16 ain't so peachy keen,
No, it ain't so neat to admit defeat.
They can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to be shown?
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.
All the playing's stopped in the playground now
She wants to play with her toys a while.
And school's out early and soon we'll be learning
And the lesson today is how to die.
And then the bullhorn crackles,
And the captain crackles,
With the problems and the how's and why's.
And he can see no reasons
'Cause there are no reasons
What reason do you need to die?
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
Tell me why?
I don't like Mondays.
I want to shoot
The whole day down.
--The Boomtown Rats
Not to make light of a song that's based on the events of a school shooting in Canada, but...
As the song (and the event its based on where, when the girl who shot the school said she did it because she doesn't like Monday) goes, you don’t need a reason to not like Mondays, but here are a few reasons for some players in the Mired in Mediocrity fantasy league to not like Mondays:
We start with Redeam Team who has to somehow overcome a whopping 76 point deficit on Monday night in order to start the season 2-0.Bolstered by a team that featured no players in double digit scoring and two players who put up 0 points, Redeam Team needs a miracle.Considering this team only has a TE, K, and Def/ST left to go, it doesn’t look hopeful.Instead it seems as though Sonsofbitches will get to 1-1, after benching Tony Romo in favor of Aaron Rodgers, and should be enjoying Monday quite a bit.
Either Evil Empire Champions or Vero Beach Dirty Diapers will really hate Monday.Dirty Diapers find themselves with what seemingly is a comfortable 17 point lead.However, Champions still has 1st round pick Brian Westbrook left to play on Monday night.Westbrook is entirely capable of getting 17 points, so Champions will likely be disappointed if it doesn’t come out with at least a tie after Monday night’s game.By the same token, Dirty Diapers must be staring at that -4 points contributed by TE Greg Olsen and praying that it won’t be the difference between a win and loss.Indeed, one of thee two won’t be happy with their Monday by the end of the night.
Despite a heroic performance by the Giants’ defense, Team Small will spend its Monday much like Redeam Team, down by a bunch with really no hope for a come back.Team Dundies was bolstered by an outstanding performance from unheralded J.T. O’Sullivan.The last 3 QB’s to play in a Mike Martz system were Kurt Warner, Marc Bulger, and Jon Kitna.All three are still starting fantasy QB’s today.Looks like the Martz system has produced another standout in O’Sullivan.It also gives Dundies some extra leverage in any future trade talks, as the desperate need for a QB is no longer present.
Droppin Deuces and Team Timbs will not be pleased upon reading this Monday morning.Their combined score wouldn’t even beat the winner of any other match up.And its not as though they have a bunch of players going on Monday night, either.Only the Eagles’ defense remains in play, and against that Cowboys offense, it is doubtful that the defense will produce many fantasy points.Sunday may have been the bad day, but Monday is the day they have to face it.
In a battle of two teams that seem to have inactive owners, the Streetwalkers look like they will come out ahead despite starting Tom Brady at QB.
Genesis of Iceman comes back to earth after a stellar week 1 performance and will likely fall to Triple T’s PainTrain.But the owner of PainTrain is fairly distraught as well on Monday as the Jaguars have fallen to 0-2 and are riddled with injuries in a year in which they were one of the favorites in the AFC.
As per our agreement, I am collecting on my end of the contract we signed on September 23, 2001. You remember that day don’t you? It’s the day that I sent that crazy Jets’ linebacker crashing into Drew Bledsoe nearly killing him. You became the likeable everyman soon after that, and you thought everything was going well I’m sure. No one quite knew what to make of you as the Patriots headed to the playoffs and I could feel your dissatisfaction. And since I am semi-honorable, I gave you a chance to get out of the deal when I injured you in the divisional round of the playoffs and let Drew Bledsoe start in the AFC championship game. All you had to do was sit out of that Super Bowl and you could’ve gone back to your old life as a career backup. But you wanted to play so I made that happen. Your fate was sealed on that day, Mr. Brady.
Just like you wanted, I gave you five full seasons free from interference from that day forward. You managed to grab another couple of rings, a few MVP awards and a hot actress all on your own. But all good things must come to an end, especially when you make a deal with me. I told you when we made the deal that I would collect your soul in my own special way. I’m sure you thought I exacted my price when Bridget Moynahan ended up knocked up while you were not so secretly sleeping with “butter face” Giselle (seriously Tom, you can do better than that, especially when you are on borrowed time). But no, that was just more of a fun little joke on my part. Despite reports to the contrary, I do have a pretty wicked sense of humor.
Perhaps when that whole Spygate thing started and I tarnished your team’s legacy you thought that your end of the bargain had finally been fulfilled. Sadly for you though, Spygate actually had almost nothing to do with you. That was my collection from your coach. What? How else do you think a guy who got run out of Cleveland after two miserable seasons got to be known as a genius?
Maybe you thought David Tyree’s helmet catch was my doing, but that was the work of my good friend Karma. See, when you throw for 50 touchdowns in one year by passing on 4th down while you are up by 30 against a two win team, it’s not good for karma. And if you do it enough, Karma eventually becomes very angry and is fortunately very creative in exacting its revenge. I mean, could there be any other possible explanation for a 4th string wide receiver catching a ball against his helmet on 4th down all while being pummeled by the most violent safety of this generation? Karma really can be a bitch.
But I had my own fun with you that game. I made sure your foot was hurt so you lost just enough mobility to prevent you from being able to get away from those crazy Giant pass-rushers. I also made sure your linemen forgot how to block at some key moments. I know you aren’t stupid Mr. Brady, so maybe you knew that I had a hand in that. Maybe that’s why you sat out the entire pre-season this year, fearful of what I might do to you. But you had to know that as soon as the season started you’d be on that field, and so would I. I was going to wait another game just to give you some false hope. But when I saw that you weren’t listed on the injury report for the first time in your entire CAREER, I couldn’t pass up this wonderful chance at irony.
The hit by Bernard Pollard wasn’t a cheap shot, but then you know that already. Pollard thinks that you were screaming in pain because he hit you too hard, but we both know better. You would’ve shaken that hit off it wasn’t for me, and I’m sure you knew that. All it takes a little mental snipping of some scissors, and pop goes your Achilles tendon. I wasn’t sure how much I wanted to mess with your season (after all, I have your soul for all of eternity) so that is why there was some doubt as to the seriousness of the injury on Monday morning, and some hope that you would be back before the end of the season. Thousands of Patriot fans, millions of frontrunners, CBS, and ESPN were praying that would be the case, but amidst those prayers I heard two voices that sealed your fate. One was from Bridget Moynahan who was hoping you would die, but even I thought that was a little extreme, especially since knocking her up was partly my doing.
The other one was from Matt Cassel, you know your backup QB? He just wanted a chance. What you thought you and Coach Belicheat were the only ones that had me on speed dial? Mr. Cassel kind of reminds me of you from a few years ago, so we’ll see what kind of deal he wants to cut with me. Who knows, you may be back sooner than expected. But if Mr. Cassel offers me a sweet enough deal, well, we all know what happened to Drew Bledsoe don’t we?
Your friend and partner in eternity,
The Devil
P.S. I hope you don’t mind, but I used you as a reference when Aaron Rodgers, Sarah Palin, and Michael Phelps came to me earlier this summer. My credibility took a little hit when I failed with Rex Grossman. Even my skills couldn’t help that guy.
Last year I provided a draft recap analyzing what I thought were the best and worst picks of each round.With 12 teams this year, there is more for me to get through, but I’ll try to be as thorough as possible.As always, if you disagree with me, let me know….and I’ll tell you that you are an idiot.
Round 1
Best Pick: It would be easy to give best pick to Team Small who drafted LaDanian Tomlinson with the first pick.After all, he is clearly the best player in fantasy.And most of the other picks in the round went right around where they were supposed to go.However, one pick that stands out to me is Tony Romo taken with the 12th overall selection by Dirty SonsofBitches.With the offense Romo plays in, he could have a Bradyesque year.I know people say it’s a waste to draft QB’s early in the draft, considering the value that can be found in later rounds.However, the game is changing and the top QB’s are increasingly putting up numbers that rival the best RB’s.When you consider the fact that a first round pick should be risk free. The available RB’s were questionable at this point and that Romo is the clear number 2 QB this year, it all adds up to the best pick of Round 1.
Worst Pick: I am really down on Frank Gore (drafted by The Dundies) this year.He struggled last year and has a horrible team around him this year, with the immortal J.T. O’Sullivan as the 49ers QB.Some may point out that Mike Martz is the new offensive coordinator for SF which should lead to better stats for Gore this year.After all this is the same coordinator who took Marshall Faulk from very good to superstar.I’m not buying it though.When Martz was the coordinator for the pass happy lions the last two years, Detroit RB’s Kevin Jones and Tatum Bell didn’t exactly set the world on fire.And let’s not forget, Steven Jackson had his big year in St. Louis after Martz left.Throw in the fact that Gore has never been a huge TD maker, and you have a player that I would have avoided like the plague.On the plus side, at least Eric can root for a player from his favorite team.
Round 2
Best Pick: Marion Barber going to The Genesis of Iceman with the 14th overall pick in the draft was a stroke of luck for the team.Barber has been going higher than that in many mock drafts.He is a beast and the featured goal line back, so he won’t have to worry about losing cheap touchdowns to his backup.There are a few concerns however, as it is tough to imagine his body holding up for a full 16 game schedule due to his punishing running style.Also, his backup is Felix Jones from Arkansas, the same school that Cowboys owner Jerry Jones went to.So it’s a safe bet that Jones will see plenty of time on the field one way or another.Yet even with these worries, Barber, in that offense, just may end up being a top 5 back by the end of the year.
Worst Pick:Larry Johnson, picked by Dirty Sonsofbitches.Read what I wrote above.All of that could have applied to this team, except they bypassed Barber for Larry Johnson.It’s hard to imagine that the man who spent most of last year injured and plays for a team that has no QB, and no offensive line, making a huge resurgence this year. Johnson is really no better or worse than Lewis, McGahee, or most of the other picks that followed him.So, tt wouldn’t be an awful pick except for the fact that Barber was still on the board.
Round 3
Best Pick: Drew Brees to the Redeam Team.Getting the 3rd or 4th Best QB in a league where there are clearly 5 top QBs is a big deal.Getting him after the other 4 are gone is even better.Brees has put up monster numbers each of the last two seasons, though his efforts were slightly diminished last year due to his team’s losing ways.All in all though, the pick represents excellent value in Round 3.
Worst Pick: Darren McFadden to Triple T’s PainTrain.McFadden plays for the passing game challenged Oakland Raiders.He is now PainTrain’s number 1 running back.McFadden is an upright runner who has had problems hanging on to the football.This can’t be good.This is the problem of eschewing the RB position in the first two rounds of the draft.Despite getting the top two WR’s in the league, PainTrain was forced to reach for a back in round 3, thereby passing up Marques Colston who would is a stellar pick in round 3.This award almost went to Droppin Deuces for taking Chad Johnson and his torn labrum over Colston.
Round 4
Best Pick: Steve Smith by Dirty SonsofBitches.Yes, I know that he’ll be out the first two games of the season for punching his teammate, yes his teammate, in the face.However, this was the first WR taken last year in most drafts.He had a down year last year because of injuries and the fact that Carolina started 4 QB’s.But he is money when paired with Jake Delhomme, and Delhomme looks to be back at full strength this year.
Worst Pick: Fred Taylor to Dirty Diapers.Everyone knows I am a huge Jacksonville fan, but I really don’t like this pick.Fred Taylor is an amazing player, the best in the Jaguars short history.However, he just doesn’t find the endzone that often.He’ll rack up a decent number of 100 yard games, especially as the weather cools down, but with MJD and Greg Jones around, he’ll lose out on a lot of goal line carries. Taylor can be a valuable fantasy player, but this is a few rounds too early for him to be selected.
Round 5
Best Pick: Matt Hasselback to Evil Empire Champions.After solidifying the team for the first four rounds, Champions drafted the last QB without any serious question marks.Despite the fact that QB’s flew off the board in the first four rounds, Champions’ patience truly paid off.An argument could even be made that Hasselback as a better QB than the three (Palmer, Anderson, and McNabb) taken before him.
Worst Pick: Lendale White by Genesis of Iceman.Lendale White will waddle his way to a decent number of scores this year, and the Titans usually have a good rushing team. But White will also be splitting carries with lightning quick rookie Chris Johnson.Additionally, you never want your 5th round pick to be 35 pounds over his listed weight, especially when that player is a running back listed at 235 lbs.
Round 6
Best Pick: Marvin Harrison by Evil Empire Champions.In truth, no one really knows if Harrison is healthy or how his legal troubles might affect him this season.However, Harrison was a potential first round pick last season and has fallen all the way down to the 6th round.If he can recapture some of the Manning to Harrison chemistry that existed before last season, this pick will have been a steal.
Worst Pick: Julius Jones by Team Timbs.Despite the fact that Jones started all 16 games last season for the Cowboys, he was merely a serviceable handcuff to Marion Barber.Now that he is running behind a Seattle line that is a but a shell of its former self, and in a 4 way competition for carries, I just can’t imagine that Jones will put up better numbers this year.Unless of course he is actually really good, its just that Barber was that much better.Somehow, I don’t buy that argument.
Round 7
Best Pick: Jerricho Cotchery by Triple T’s PainTrain.First it was Antonio Freeman.Then it was Donald Driver.Last season it was Greg Jennings.Every few years Brett Favre picks out a favorite receiver and any time he gets in trouble will look for that guy.The stats for these players are usually ridiculously high relative to their “name” value, and this year everyone expects that it will be Cocthery.Of course, it could be Laverneus Coles and then I’d be screwed.By with a 7th round pick, that’s an acceptable risk.Especially considering Coles is in love with Chad Pennington, the new QB of the Miami Dolphins.
Worst Pick: Rudi Johnson by Redeam Team.While its true that Johnson has since been cut by the Bengals and landed in a backup role with the Detroit Lions, at the time this pick was made Johnson couldn’t even get on the field in the 4th quarter of a preseason game.The writing was on the wall that he was going to get cut, yet Redeam Team drafted him anyways.Even if he winds up with the starting job with the Lions, Johnson is far from the back that used to reward his owners with 12 TD’s and 1100 yards every season.He’s no longer very good, and neither was this pick.
Round 8
Best Pick: ChesterTaylor to The Dundies.Adrian Peterson will get hurt this year.It’s a fact.He has gotten injured every year since his sophomore year in college.Taylor will already receive most of the 3rd down looks (as he is a much better receiver than Peterson) while Peterson is healthy, and when Peterson goes down Taylor’s production will increase that much more.The Vikings have a very good offensive line and Taylor is a solid back.If AP is out for any length of time, Taylor could eventually become a top 10 RB.
Worst Pick: Chargers D/ST to Droppin’ Dueces.The old fantasy adage is that you never pick a defense or kicker until the last two rounds of any fantasy draft.And even though that doesn’t necessarily hold true for defenses, the 8th round is too early for one, especially considering this one’s star linebacker will attempt to play the season with two torn knee tendons.Additionally, for all the press the Chargers’ D gets, they had the lowest number of QB pressures last year.
Round 9
Best Pick: Nate Burelson by Redeam Team.The Seattle WR corps has been decimated by injury leaving Burleson as the clear number 1 option.And though I like the picks of Gonzalez by Champions and Rodgers by SonsofBitches, the fact of the matter is, a number one WR in the pass happy Seattle offense should put up pretty good numbers.Now consider the fact that this is the 9th round, and that equals great value.
Worst Pick: Ahmad Bradshaw by Palm Bay Street Walkers.It would be easy here to again go with defense, or even Kurt Warner (seriously, what moron picks QB’s in back to back rounds?Oh, that would be me.Brilliant!), I’m going to go with Bradshaw for this one. Though he had a great playoffs, Bradshaw is not a lock to be the backup to Brandon Jacobs (he is competing with Derrick Ward who was drafted one round later).We’ll have to wait and see how the first part of the season plays out to determine if he has potential as a 3rd down running back or not.Don’t get me wrong, I think he has some fantasy value, but if he didn’t win the backup role, I just don’t know if it will be that much.
Round 10
Best Pick: Chris Johnson to Triple T’s PainTrain.The Titans had the 5th best rushing offense in the league last year, despite the fact that fat Lendale White was their featured back.This year, with carries being split about 50-50 between White and Johnson, and Johnson the much more explosive back, I’d expect Johnson to put up pretty good numbers.He is being hailed as a sleeper by many the expert, and I think after the first few games, many will see why.
Worst Pick: Robbie Gould to Dirty SonsofBitches.Never take a kicker before the last round of the draft.The difference between the top kicker and the 12th best kicker last year was something like 2.8 points per game.Nick Folk and Mason Crosby, two of last year’s top kickers weren’t even drafted last season.Those kickers benefited from explosive offensive teams.Gould certainly will not.
Round 11
Best Pick: Vincent Jackson to Droppin Deuces.Jackson plays in the high powered Chargers offense and often gets overshadowed in terms of fantasy.However is a 6’6 receiver and excellent target for Phillip Rivers to throw to in the redzone.With teams doubling Antonio Gates, wary of LT coming out of the backfield and Chris Chambers going over the middle, Jackson will almost always see one on one coverage.And at that height, what CB will be able to stop a lob to the back corner of the endzone?Though there are concerns about his continued development, he presents excellent value in the 11th round.
Worst Pick: Vince Young by Redeam Team.Last Year Young threw for 9 TD’s.Nine!But that’s okay because he also threw 17 picks.In our format with touchdowns worth 4 points and interceptions worth minus 2, Young’s TD’s would yield 36 points and his interceptions would subtract 34 from that.So basically Young netted a whopping two fantasy points between his TD’s and INT’s.But wait, you say that Young is more than just passing.That he makes plays on the ground too.Maybe two seasons ago when he rushed for 550 yards and 7 TD’s in only 13 games.But last season he rushed for only 395 yards and 3 TD’s in 15 games.Oh and he fumbled 10 times as well.Vince Young is O-VER-RAT-ED.
Round 12
Best Pick: Chris Perry to Team Small.Its not often that you can find a starting RB in the 12th round of a fantasy draft, yet Team Small managed to pull it off.Perry is a talented back who will finally get his chance to prove he is a true number 1 now that Rudi Johnson has been cut.It will be interesting to see if he can hold off Kenny Watson, but even if this becomes a split backfield, Perry in the 12th round is a great value.
Worst Pick: Javon Walker by Genesis of Iceman.Walker used to be a third round pick in fantasy every year, but he is no longer the same receiver he once was.He’s coming off a lost season due to knee surgery (never a good sign for a speed WR) and a summer in which he was found unconscious on the sidewalk of The Strip in Las Vegas.After signing a $50 million deal he then contemplated retirement.But those problems all pale compared to the fact that he is a receiver for the Raiders, meaning he has offensive tackle sized Jamarcus Russel throwing him the ball.Russel has the biggest arm in the game, but isn’t accurate and will be wheezing and waddling for his life behind that porous Raiders line.
Round 13
Best Pick: Amani Toomer by Vero Beach Dirty Diapers.Toomer has something like the 5th most redzone targets in the past two seasons amongst all WR’s.Meaning he has developed into quite the security blanket for Eli Manning in the redzone.If Dirty Diapers experiences any injury to his starting WR’s, Toomer should be a capable fill in.
Worst Pick: Alex Smith by Genesis of Iceman.In any other situation, I would’ve given this honor to my pick as I selected a defense before the second to last round of the draft.However, even though I know Genesis of Iceman was on autodraft, it sucks to have a backup QB who is actually a real life backup on his own team.Backup QB’s in the NFL have no fantasy value because unlike backup RB’s, they will never even see the field unless the starter goes down.And while it is quite conceivable that the venerable JT O’Sullivan could suck or get injured, nobody should want a 49ers QB, even with Mad Mike Martz as the offensive coordinator.
Round 14
Best Pick: Sammy Morris by The Dundies.Morris was a solid fantasy starter last season when Maroney went down.Everyone knows the Pats will be blowing a lot of teams out this season again, and Morris will be there to pick up those garbage yardage and TD’s that will be the result of the Patriots trying to run out the clock.
Worst Pick: Ahman Green by Dummy Team.I know everything is a crapshoot at this time of the draft, and that Green could very well turn out to be the starter in Houston.However, he hasn’t been healthy since his first few seasons in Green Bay and has virtually no upside.Its not like he’ll explode for a 1,000 yard season all of a sudden.
Round 15
Best Pick: Eagles D/St by Team Timbs.This is when you are supposed to take a defense, and its proof positive that even if you wait until the penultimate round, you can still snag a great one.The Eagles unit is not quite what they used to be, but by waiting until now to select them, Team Timbs was able to get depth at other positions.
Worst Pick: Tatum Bell by Palm Bay Street Walkers.There was no atrociously bad pick in this round, but by choosing Tatum Bell I can now tell this story and reward any readers who for some odd reason have stuck with me this long.After Rudi Johnson was cut by the Bengals a couple of days ago, he was signed by the Lions to backup Kevin Smith and maybe eventually compete for the starting job.As Johnson was in the Lions’ press room talking to the media, he left his bags outside the door.Well, it seems that someone walked by and stole the bags while Johnson was in the press room.The bags were Gucci and contained Johnson’s underwear and credit cards.Eventually Johnson got the bags back but they were empty.The person who took the bags was caught on tape.It was none other than Tatum Bell, the running back who was cut to create room for Johnson.Now Bell has Johnson’s underwear and cancelled credit cards (though he denies he has them), and Johnson has Bell’s old job.Good Times!
Round 16
Best Pick: Rob Bironas by Triple T’s PainTrain.Bironas was a top 3 kicker last year and I took him in the last round.Wait on kickers people!You can always pull one out of free agency if yours doesn’t work out.
Worst Pick: Anyone who is not a kicker because that means you wasted an earlier pick on a kicker.
Alright, who made it to the end?If you did, thanks for reading!
