SAY 'WHAT' AGAIN!

So my head finally became unblocked with respect to writing for fun. I owe Redman this. I also owe a great deal of credit to Derrick and Hevron for throwing out random Sam Jackson quotes that sparked something in my brain. So here we go, Sam Jackson quotes for each fantasy football team. In no particular order.


PWN3N N00B5: “We should be fuckin' dead now, my friend! We just witnessed a miracle, and I want you to fucking acknowledge it!” (Pulp Fiction)

---This team finished near the bottom every year until this year when it won the whole thing in dominating fashion. It defies all logic or explanation. In other words, it is a fucking miracle. Plus the owner has asked me to write a post to recognize his win, so this just seems to fitting.

My Vick in a Box: “Ezekial 25:17. The path of the righteous man is beset on all sides by the inequities of the selfish and the tyranny of evil men….And you will know my name is the Lord when I lay my vengeance upon thee.” (Pulp Fiction).

---More for Michael Vick wrecking the league over his final 8 games than the team itself. I can imagine Vick stating this quote before each of the last 8 games of the season when he put up fantasy point games of 25, 49, 23, 28, 21, 38, and 20. Vick in a Box put the fear of God in every team it played this season.

Pretty Pink Ponies: “AK-47. The very best there is. When you absolutely, positively got to kill every motherfucker in the room, accept no substitutes.” (Jackie Brown).

---In the first 6 weeks of the season, this team beat me, Eric, Derrick, Khurram, and Hevron. Or in other words, if the room was our old high school group (minus Redman) it killed every motherfucker in the room.

Team BIG ASS TITS: “You're referring to the prophecy of the one who will bring balance to the Force. You believe it's this boy?” (Star Wars)

---Last year this team drafted Andre Johnson pretty high for a WR. He led them to a finals appearance. This year, the team drafted Andre Johnson number 2 overall and he led them to a 9th place finish. When you fuck with conventional wisdom, things will tend to balance out in the long run.

Forget Me Nows: “PLEASE! GODDAMMIT! I hate this hacker crap!" (Jurassic Park).

---This is what happens when you trust a computer by autodrafting. Begging for wins every week and then finishing 2-11.

I’m All Out of Gum: “You want my blood take my blood? Take my blood!” (The Negotiator).

---Everyone took blood from the defending champ this year.

HELL ON EARTH MADDAWG: “Yes they deserve to die and I hope they burn in hell!” (A Time To Kill).

---The 5th highest scoring team had no business making a run all the way to the finals. Glad justice was served in the end.

The Price is Rice: “Look, all brothers don't know how to shoot guns, you racist motherfucker.” (Die Hard With a Vengeance).

---Apparently just because you played high school football, live in the south, and fit the football watching stereotype, it doesn’t mean you can play fantasy football. (Cheap shot by me—he crushed me in the playoffs of the other league I play in--but I needed a quote).


Footsteps Flacco: “Now that there is the Tec-9, a crappy spray gun from South Miami. This gun is advertised as the most popular gun in American crime. Do you believe that shit? It actually says that in the little book that comes with it: the most popular gun in American crime. Like they're actually proud of that shit.” (Jackie Brown).

---Chris Johnson (a Florida product) was touted on all the websites and magazines as the can’t miss number one pick. Can’t go wrong, they said. Have to take CJ number one. Everyone is taking him…..And then he went out and put up 6 single digit point fantasy games and finished as the 5th best running back in the league.

Cleveland Steamers: “I'm not a bum; just homeless.” (Resurrecting the Champ).

---Overall mediocre team. Not too good. Not too bad. Just right there in the middle.

What the Fuck Did I Do: “Yeah, well, you can stick your well-laid plan up your well-laid ass.” (Die Hard With a Vengeance).

---See, I had this plan coming in. Since I couldn’t get any of the big 4 running backs, I was going to go after QB’s and WR’s earlier and fill the RB’s by drafting a bunch in a row in the middle rounds. I’ve never ever done that. And I’ll never do it again.

The Jags Are Sorta OK: “Hold on to your butts.” (Jurassic Park).

---Second lowest scoring team in the league with the second highest points scored again. If this team was in prison, it would be everybody’s bitch. How does the quote fit? Use your imagination.