THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

Obviously, some of you will understand this picture and some of you won't. If you want to know what this is in reference to, watch Arrested Development. Those of you who don't, its your loss....

Well, this is it. The final week of fantasy football season, and the penultimate column related to our battle royale for the championship. Let’s not waste any time with a rant this week and jump right into a breakdown of the match ups.


(1) TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN v. (2) LVL INFINITY +1 TEAM

It doesn’t really get better than number one versus number two. TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN enters the final round coming off of a dominating victory over VOLDEMORT. Steven Jackson and Adrian Peterson will be counted on to carry this team to victory, and last week they did just that, as two wide receivers came up well short of their projected fantasy points. One thing to look for in this match up is how much Wes Welker helps the + 1 Team, as he was traded by the PAINTRAIN straight up for Marvin Harrison. While Harrison has not worked out, it cleared space for the red hot Greg Jennings. The Tampa Bay Defense is a game time decision this week after putting up dominating numbers against a putrid Atlanta team. The PAINTRAIN has to be very careful in who it selects for both the starting defense and QB positions as it will need all the help it can get to pull out a win against the TOM BRADYS…er, The +1 TEAM. Proving that luck is better than skill, the +1 TEAM somehow managed to be beat the COWBOYS with a paltry 3 points from Brady. To put this in perspective, Brady’s worst performance of the season up until last week was 17 points. 17! That is better than what most QB’s get on a good day, and this was that man’s lowest point total. He had been averaging a whopping 26 points per week. Then he delivered 3 against the J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets! and the team with the weakest overall roster of the playoff teams, somehow managed to beat the vaunted COWBOYS. I look for Brady to bounce back in a big way against the Dolphins this week. Afterall, they still need to get him his passing TD record. However, the monster game from Brady will not be able to overcome the solid all around performance from TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN, and the fantasy championship, in a close call, will fall into the hands of the favorite.

(3) COWBOYS v. (4) VOLDEMORT

Granted, it may not have made a difference in the long run, but COWBOYS were hurt when Brian Westbrook took a knee at the goal line of the game last weekend. That was a sure 6 points left on the field. Demoralized by the loss of the points, this team crumbled last weekend. Luckily for Cowboys, this week they should be on the favorable side of a blowout. Edwards should be able to have a decent game against Cincy’s porous defense and I look for Andre Johnson to have a nice performance as well against a Colts defense that could be resting much of its players. VOLDEMORT has been in a legendary tailspin, and the season looks like it will end ugly. The Colts have clinched their playoff position and are known for tanking games at the end of the season. I’d look for Manning and Wayne to sit much of the second half against the Texans. Other than those two players, the only weapon VOLDEMORT has is Antonio Gates. He of the goose egg performance last week. It’s almost hard to imagine this team was in first place headed into the last week of the season. Good thing it can finish no worse than 4th, because right now who knows how low this team could’ve gone? My how the mighty have fallen. Simply put, if VOLDEMORT wins this match up it will either be an upset of stunning proportions, or a monumental choke job by COWBOYS. Your choice.


In the B.S. bracket we have a couple of surprise match ups.

(5) DUMMY TEAM 3 v. (7) BIG TUNA

The fact that BIG TUNA made it this far is quite the accomplishment for the rookie squad. Largely expected to be a cupcake opponent last week, this team overcame a sub par performance from Tony Romo and surprsised PINK PONIES. In this battle for 5th place though, I don’t expect lighting to strike twice. DUMMY TEAM 3 is an explosive team that lost its way in the final weeks. However, LaDanian Tomlinson has re-emerged as the top back in the league, and Saturday night against Dallas, Steve Smith suddenly remembered that he is supposed to be the best wide receiver in the game. BIG TUNA is hurt by the nature of the dummy team, as most owners would have benched this fallen star by now. However, in the most important game of the season, Smith has come up huge, contributing 19 points, or 10 more than what he was projected to achieve. After Tory Holt’s awful performance on Thursday night, for BIG TUNA to have any chance at all, it will need a monster performance from Marques Colston. It happened in the final game of the regular season. Will it happen again? I wouldn’t count on it.


(6) PINK PONIES v. (8) DUMMY TEAM 2

The fact that PINK PONIES was never amongst the top 4 teams in the league throughout the entire season is flat out baffling to me. They are the 3rd highest scoring team, yet constantly came up short in the clutch. However, this game should be a chance for PINK PONIES to let out all of its frustration. DUMMY TEAM 2 should not put up much of a fight and this should be a blood letting. Thankfully for PINK PONIES, the season ends this week as TO was injured during the game Saturday night and it is not known how long he will be out. Nevertheless Carson Palmer, Randy Moss, and the rest of this potential laden, yet underachieving team, should be enough to lead PINK PONIES to a disappointing 7th place finish.


Check back next week for an extensive review of the season...

PLAYOFFS! DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS?

First, the picture is Mark Mangino, coach of the Orange Bowl bound (hence the giant orange) Kansas football team. Insert your own politically incorrect comment here….Anyways, onto my weekly (or at least whenever I post) rant:

I love sports. I love football. I love winter football. And I love the Jaguars. This is the time of year when every game really means something. It’s great. Before I really got into football, Sundays used to be one of my least favorite days of the year; what with having Stone Jr. High School to look forward to the next day. But now, Sundays, especially winter Sundays, Jaguar Sundays, are the day I live for. You can have your Friday night parties, and your Saturday night bar hopping events (already had my fill of them). Give me Sundays and football instead. I had a conversation with a friend (no, not the person who runs the COWBOYS) a little while back, who couldn’t understand why I’d rather watch football instead of hang out. Sports can’t be that great can they? Um, yes they can. It is doubtful that people who don’t already believe this will ever be converted, and I say fine, fuck them. Unless you can love the game like I love it, love sports like I do, leave me alone on Sunday. You want me to hang out with you on a Sunday? Well then you better be dead. I’ll miss football games for your funeral. I’ll miss football games if you fly out here from across the country (though my focus might not always be on hanging out). I won’t miss them to go eat with friends. I won’t miss them to go shopping. I won’t miss them to go study. And I might not even miss them to go to Vegas. Oh, and a note to those of you who ever have a wedding on a Fall or Winter Sunday and expect my attendance: Statistics say that for at least a few of you, this won’t be your last wedding.

I’ll be there for the next one.

I promise.

Unless it’s on a Sunday.


On to the playoff preview:
This is it. This is what we’ve been playing the entire season for. These two weeks where the games mean the most. For some of you, you have nothing to play for at all, and I say see you next year. For others, all you have left to fight for is pride and a 5th place finish. And for the best of the best, it’s a bloody dogfight (whoops, can’t use that word—might end up with 23 months in prison)....it's a bloody battle for the championship. The top 4 teams in this league were so closely bunched that two one point matchups last weekend sent the standings into chaos. In the end, the grizzled veteran (me) ended up coming out on top, but in reality the playoff matchups were not altered at all. Let’s take a closer look:


(1)TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN v. (4) VOLDEMORT

This is a match up of two teams heading in the opposite direction. VOLDEMORT crushed the PAINTRAIN in the opening game of the season 102-80, and the victory propelled them to win 8 or their next 9 games. Every personnel decision seemed to pay off beautifully for this team early in the season. Sammy Morris was killing teams. He went down, and Fat Lendale White played like there were bugers and fries in every end zone around the league. Santana Moss struggles? That’s okay, Dwayne Bowe will just step in and become the best rookie WR in the league. VOLDEMORT was clearly the hottest team in the league at that point in time, that is until they ran into the PAINTRAIN for round 2. An ugly clash followed and at the end of the day, TRIPLE T emerged the victor 65-57 thanks to 6 Peyton Manning interceptions. The loss sent VOLDEMORT into a tailspin as they lost four of their next five, including three straight to end the season. The lone victory came over the hapless STEELERS OWN COWBOYS, and two of the losses were identical 106-82 beat downs by the two remaining playoff teams. In contrast, TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN enters the playoffs on a roll. After being beset by injuries and losing three of four games to start the season, the PAINTRAIN has ripped off 8 wins in its last 9 games. RB’s Adrian Peterson and Steven Jackson give the PAINTRAIN the most dangerous 1-2 combination in the league. A rotation of Drew Brees and Brett Favre at QB and a solid trio of WR’s make the PAINTRAIN very formidible. After being in first place for the majority of the season, can VOLDEMORT right the ship and pull off the upset? Don’t bet on it. The most dangerous playoff teams are the ones who enter with a head of steam, and right now the PAINTRAIN is speeding towards a championship.


(2) LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM v. (3) COWBOYS

Another match up of teams headed in the opposite directions. The +1 TEAM enters the playoffs having won four straight games, including one each over all of the other playoff teams. We could all say that the +1 TEAM has an amazing roster and that is the reason they are so strong, but that is just not the case. One thru nine this is a sold but not overwhelming roster, except for one player: Tom Brady. The guy is a monster and so long as he is playing, this team is never out of any game. And the scary thing for every other playoff team out there is Brady goes against the Jets this weekend and the winless Miami Dolphins next weekend. Yikes. The COWBOYS enter this match up having lost four of their last six and their hold on first place as well. This team should not be taken lightly however as they were far and away the leading scorers of the league. Only one team was within 100 points of their total (98 points behind), and they finished a whopping 185 points ahead of LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM this season. Those are downright dominating numbers. However, since their early season hot streak, the COWBOYS have been a very inconsistent team, both blowing out teams and getting blown out themselves. Which team will show up in the playoffs, and will it even matter with Brady playing? The answer is a simple no. The COWBOYS are the superior team, but Tom Brady trumps all of that. The Jets ratted out his team in week one of the season. The Patriots have been treating this whole year as one giant middle finger to the rest of the league and I fully expect them to destroy the Jets. Bill Belicheck has been trying to get Brady to set every record known to man. He is already on pace to break the most TD’s in a season. And the Patriots threw on 33 STRAIGHT plays last weekend. Yes, you read that right. However, one thing Brady has yet to do is set a single game record. Look for it this week: 600 yards, 7 TD’s.



CONSOLATION (BS) BRACKET:

No preview for Dummy Team 2 vs. Dummy Team 3, except to say that the upper echelon teams are damn lucky DT3 lost Ronnie Brown for the season at about the midway point. Brown was the top rated back when he went down, and he and LDT would have made life miserable for much of the league.

(6) PINK PONIES v. (7) BIG TUNA

PINK PONIES have been the most confusing team this season. I fully expected to see them in the top 4 at season’s end. Instead they became an afterthought. This team had both winning and losing streaks of four games. They also had the third highest point total of any team in the league. Part of the problem is this team’s fate is so tied into the performance of Wide Receivers. Granted, TO and Randy Moss are the two best receivers in the game, but the lack of consistent play from the RB spot has been costly (the LJ injury late in the year was not as devastating as I thought, thanks to his subpar season. Go back and look at what I wrote about him in the season preview. Psychic). Jamal Lewis has been coming on late though, so help may be on the way. If the inconsistent Carson Palmer regains his status as the 3rd best QB in the league, he, Moss and TO will provide PINK PONIES with enough fire power to crush teams on the way to 5th place (after all Moss will be catching all of those TD passes that Brady will be throwing). The troubling thing for PINK PONIES is that it runs against a team it has already lost to twice. BIG TUNA might be the only other team more inconsistent than PINK PONIES. It started the season 2-5, and closed it out 5-2. Tony Romo has unseated Palmer from the upper echelon of QB’s, RB ADDAI has emerged as quite the dual-threat out of the backfield, and WR Colston’s return to form coincides with BIG TUNA’S recent good fortunes. In fact, the Colston story is truly remarkable, and this former 7th round pick scored just enough points (21) to shake up the entire league last weekend. Yet despite everything in BIG TUNA’s favor, including the past two wins in this match up, I think this is the weekend that PINK PONIES gets its revenge. RB Selvin Young already struggled against Houston for BIG TUNA, and unless points can be made up elsewhere, things don’t look so great. It’ll be close, but in the end PINK PONIES should be playing for that oh so valuable 5th place finish next week, while BIG TUNA can only hope to beat DUMMY TEAM 2 and retain its 7th place ranking. Injuries undid both teams, and hopefully we can expect better luck, and stronger performances from these two players next season.


Finally, I did not want to write predictions for next week’s potential match ups because I’ve got to keep you coming back for more….