WAX ON. WAX OFF.

Well we have reached the virtual halfway point of this season, so its time for another review. In honor of the latest rumors of a Karate Kid remake (something I vehemently oppose) below are some quotes from the 1984 classic to go with your teams. Can anyone believe that most of us were two or three years old when this movie was released? How is it that I watched it so many times then? I mean, I have no older siblings so did my parents show me this movie the first time? Also, Ralph Maccio was like 22 years old when he first played Daniel-San and in his late 20’s when he finally shot Karate Kid 3. Could he really pass for a 17 year old kid then? And was he really ‘The Best Around’? Could nothing really ever keep him down? I guess he was, since rich "Allie with an 'i'" (Elizabeth Shue) went after him. And why were there always so many people at the 18 and under “All-Valley” Karate tournament? Wouldn’t those things tend to just draw parents and maybe a few friends of the fighters if they were lucky? I guess we should never underestimate the tremendous drawing power of the Cobra-Kai. Take a close look at that picture: "Music by Bill Conti"--The same guy who wrote the Rocky Music. Instant credibility to go along with an emotionally uplifting soundtracking. I love this movie, in case you couldn't already tell. Anyways, here are your quotes and rankings:


Kreese: What do we study here? Karate Class: THE WAY OF THE FIST SIR. Kreese: And what is that way? Karate Class: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR. Kreese: I can't hear you. Karate Class: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR

Goes to the COWBOYS. The Cowboys got off to a hot start this year and haven’t looked back. They struck first, and they struck hard taking out DUMMY TEAM 3, DUMMY TEAM 2, and TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN in the first three weeks of the season. No mercy? Well that will be seen in the coming weeks. Will this team allow other teams back into the race? Pivotal rematches are looming large.



Kreese: Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI! Kreese: Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI! Kreese: Defeat does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI!

Goes to VOLDEMORT, because ever since an early season loss to the INFINITY + 1 TEAM, defeat has not existed for VOLDEMORT either. Looking at the roster, I am not quite sure how the victories continue to pile up, but they do. This seems like a good place to point out that Chuck Norris was originally offered the role of Kreese, but turned it down because he did not want to portray Karate instructors in a bad light. How hilarious would he have been in that role?



[just before Johnny fights Daniel in the tournament] Kreese: Sweep the leg. [Johnny stares at him in shock] Kreese: Do you have a problem with that? Johnny Lawrence: No, Sensei. Kreese: No mercy.


Goes to LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM because I can just picture the owner of this team saying this for some reason. As a side note, you’ve got to love Billy Zabka playing Johnny as the quintessential ‘80’s bad guy. It doesn’t get any better than that. By the way, you can have your “wax on, wax off” line. Give me “Sweep the leg” and the chilling moment that follows it any day of the week.



Kreese: Bobby - I want him out of commission. Bobby: But Sensei, I can beat this guy! Kreese: I don't want him beaten. Bobby: But I'll be disqualified! Kreese: [icily] Out of commission


Goes to TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN. Injuries nearly took this team out early. Bulger went down. Steven Jackson went down. Lee Evans was nonexistent. And then just when it looked like the season was turning around, newly acquired Marvin Harrison is a game time decision, and SJax comes back to score a touchdown on his first possession and then leave the game due to a back injury. Can this team come back like Daniel-san and crane kick its opponents in the face? We’ll soon find out.


Daniel: [after seeing Miyagi practice the crane technique] Could you teach me? Miyagi: First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, Daniel-san, not mine.

Goes to BIGTUNA who I am trying to guide through the season. I can’t teach you how to win (obviously I am having enough trouble securing my own wins these days) but I can try and suggest injury and bye week replacements for you. Of course this analogy makes me Mr. Miyagi. I guess I could live with that. By the way, how great is it that Miyagi does not come out as a spelling error on Microsoft Word? Is he that engrained as a cultural icon? If not, he deserves to be.


Tommy: Yeah! Get him a body bag!

Goes to Dummy Team 2 whose QB is Vince Young, he of the 42 yard passing game last week (and 43 fantasy points all season). The Madden Curse strikes again.


Ring Announcer: Daniel LaRusso’s gonna fight!? Daniel LaRusso’s going to fight!

Goes to STEELERS OWN COWBOYS. I thought this team would win one, maybe two games all year. They already have passed that mark. Who doesn’t love this dramatic moment at the end of this movie? It’s right up there with the ending when Daniel goes into his crane stance, the music crescendos, Kreese yells out to Johnny to “Finish him!”, Miyagi gives that little nod of the head, and then bang! It’s all over, Johnny’s down on the mat and everyone is going crazy. And the ultra classy villain presents the trophy to Daniel. "You're alright LaRusso!" Did I mention I love this movie? Can a movie end any better than that? On another note, who else is tired of all my rhetorical questions?



Miyagi: Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?

Goes to Pink Ponies who has yet to find any semblance of consistency this year. Twice this team has had huge games, only to be beaten by a team that was the high scorer of that week. Despite the 2-6 record, Pink Ponies almost has as many points as the 3rd place team, and has a higher point total than the two teams immediately above it. One thing is for certain. This is a dangerous team and could play the role of spoiler down the stretch.


Daniel: Wouldn't a fly swatter be easier? Miyagi: Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything. Daniel: Ever catch one? Miyagi: Not yet.

Goes to the winless RILEY’S RAIDERS. If this team can ‘catch’ a win with that roster, then truly anything is possible. So long as its not against me, I’m certainly rooting to seen an upset win for this team somewhere down the stretch. One more fun fact before I leave: Pat Morita who plays Mr. Miyagi was nominated for an Oscar for his work in this classic movie.


Good Luck to all this week.

I leave you with some links to this classic, including one that will at least clue you in as to why I used some oddly framed language in the opening paragraph:

Best Around Montage


The Final Fight Scene--Also the "Sweep the leg" and "Get him a body bag" scenes are in this clip. Take a look at that huge crowd. "Hey Mr. Miyagi! We Did it! Alright!"