Downward Spiral

With the Bears' season over before the playoffs started, football has lost a little meaning. And with the Bulls' season not looking so good, barring a coaching change, basketball is losing it's appeal too. But there's the Blackhawks...honestly haven't lived up to my commitment to watch hockey this year. Thankfully, I think I only told one person the commitment. Did watch some of the winter classic though. Guess that should count. It is more hockey than I watched at this point in the season last year. So, commitment fulfilled.

On the Bears:

Glad they went out with a bang. Good to know Peterson didn't break 200 yards again and great to see them dominate the Packers. Not all was lost. Hopefully be able to continue that momentum into next year. Grossman will have to fight (as the Judge puts it) porn-stached Orton for his job back. Maybe Brennan? Either way, if the D can get back in their game the QB position should be the only problem. Especially since we have our own Peterson...

Moving on with the Bulls:

Dropping Skiles? Hope that's the smart move. Good luck Skiles and thanks for the resurrection. As for the team, they should be performing better than they are regardless of coaching. Too much talent on that team to be playing like they are. Not that they are the Celtics or anything but, definitely not the Knicks.

Time for Bolling:

No, I didn't spell it wrong. Not the sport bowling but, the director/producer/writer, Uwe Boll. This guy has to be one of the worst directors of all time if not the worst. Of course, this is all just personal opinion (a lot of people's personal opinion), but I am yet to see a even decent movie from him. Nobody I know that has seen any of his work has disagreed with me. He makes the live-action Dead or Alive and Super Mario Bros. look like masterpieces. This man seems hell bent on destroying game franchises one at a time. It's not like you expect anything good to come out of a movie based on a game, but you certainly don't expect the stuff Boll spews out. Given all that, at least he stands by his work and doesn't change his views for anyone or anything. Not always a good thing for the movie-goer. Oh well, to each his own.

THE FINAL COUNTDOWN!

Obviously, some of you will understand this picture and some of you won't. If you want to know what this is in reference to, watch Arrested Development. Those of you who don't, its your loss....

Well, this is it. The final week of fantasy football season, and the penultimate column related to our battle royale for the championship. Let’s not waste any time with a rant this week and jump right into a breakdown of the match ups.


(1) TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN v. (2) LVL INFINITY +1 TEAM

It doesn’t really get better than number one versus number two. TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN enters the final round coming off of a dominating victory over VOLDEMORT. Steven Jackson and Adrian Peterson will be counted on to carry this team to victory, and last week they did just that, as two wide receivers came up well short of their projected fantasy points. One thing to look for in this match up is how much Wes Welker helps the + 1 Team, as he was traded by the PAINTRAIN straight up for Marvin Harrison. While Harrison has not worked out, it cleared space for the red hot Greg Jennings. The Tampa Bay Defense is a game time decision this week after putting up dominating numbers against a putrid Atlanta team. The PAINTRAIN has to be very careful in who it selects for both the starting defense and QB positions as it will need all the help it can get to pull out a win against the TOM BRADYS…er, The +1 TEAM. Proving that luck is better than skill, the +1 TEAM somehow managed to be beat the COWBOYS with a paltry 3 points from Brady. To put this in perspective, Brady’s worst performance of the season up until last week was 17 points. 17! That is better than what most QB’s get on a good day, and this was that man’s lowest point total. He had been averaging a whopping 26 points per week. Then he delivered 3 against the J-E-T-S Jets! Jets! Jets! and the team with the weakest overall roster of the playoff teams, somehow managed to beat the vaunted COWBOYS. I look for Brady to bounce back in a big way against the Dolphins this week. Afterall, they still need to get him his passing TD record. However, the monster game from Brady will not be able to overcome the solid all around performance from TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN, and the fantasy championship, in a close call, will fall into the hands of the favorite.

(3) COWBOYS v. (4) VOLDEMORT

Granted, it may not have made a difference in the long run, but COWBOYS were hurt when Brian Westbrook took a knee at the goal line of the game last weekend. That was a sure 6 points left on the field. Demoralized by the loss of the points, this team crumbled last weekend. Luckily for Cowboys, this week they should be on the favorable side of a blowout. Edwards should be able to have a decent game against Cincy’s porous defense and I look for Andre Johnson to have a nice performance as well against a Colts defense that could be resting much of its players. VOLDEMORT has been in a legendary tailspin, and the season looks like it will end ugly. The Colts have clinched their playoff position and are known for tanking games at the end of the season. I’d look for Manning and Wayne to sit much of the second half against the Texans. Other than those two players, the only weapon VOLDEMORT has is Antonio Gates. He of the goose egg performance last week. It’s almost hard to imagine this team was in first place headed into the last week of the season. Good thing it can finish no worse than 4th, because right now who knows how low this team could’ve gone? My how the mighty have fallen. Simply put, if VOLDEMORT wins this match up it will either be an upset of stunning proportions, or a monumental choke job by COWBOYS. Your choice.


In the B.S. bracket we have a couple of surprise match ups.

(5) DUMMY TEAM 3 v. (7) BIG TUNA

The fact that BIG TUNA made it this far is quite the accomplishment for the rookie squad. Largely expected to be a cupcake opponent last week, this team overcame a sub par performance from Tony Romo and surprsised PINK PONIES. In this battle for 5th place though, I don’t expect lighting to strike twice. DUMMY TEAM 3 is an explosive team that lost its way in the final weeks. However, LaDanian Tomlinson has re-emerged as the top back in the league, and Saturday night against Dallas, Steve Smith suddenly remembered that he is supposed to be the best wide receiver in the game. BIG TUNA is hurt by the nature of the dummy team, as most owners would have benched this fallen star by now. However, in the most important game of the season, Smith has come up huge, contributing 19 points, or 10 more than what he was projected to achieve. After Tory Holt’s awful performance on Thursday night, for BIG TUNA to have any chance at all, it will need a monster performance from Marques Colston. It happened in the final game of the regular season. Will it happen again? I wouldn’t count on it.


(6) PINK PONIES v. (8) DUMMY TEAM 2

The fact that PINK PONIES was never amongst the top 4 teams in the league throughout the entire season is flat out baffling to me. They are the 3rd highest scoring team, yet constantly came up short in the clutch. However, this game should be a chance for PINK PONIES to let out all of its frustration. DUMMY TEAM 2 should not put up much of a fight and this should be a blood letting. Thankfully for PINK PONIES, the season ends this week as TO was injured during the game Saturday night and it is not known how long he will be out. Nevertheless Carson Palmer, Randy Moss, and the rest of this potential laden, yet underachieving team, should be enough to lead PINK PONIES to a disappointing 7th place finish.


Check back next week for an extensive review of the season...

PLAYOFFS! DOES IT GET ANY BETTER THAN THIS?

First, the picture is Mark Mangino, coach of the Orange Bowl bound (hence the giant orange) Kansas football team. Insert your own politically incorrect comment here….Anyways, onto my weekly (or at least whenever I post) rant:

I love sports. I love football. I love winter football. And I love the Jaguars. This is the time of year when every game really means something. It’s great. Before I really got into football, Sundays used to be one of my least favorite days of the year; what with having Stone Jr. High School to look forward to the next day. But now, Sundays, especially winter Sundays, Jaguar Sundays, are the day I live for. You can have your Friday night parties, and your Saturday night bar hopping events (already had my fill of them). Give me Sundays and football instead. I had a conversation with a friend (no, not the person who runs the COWBOYS) a little while back, who couldn’t understand why I’d rather watch football instead of hang out. Sports can’t be that great can they? Um, yes they can. It is doubtful that people who don’t already believe this will ever be converted, and I say fine, fuck them. Unless you can love the game like I love it, love sports like I do, leave me alone on Sunday. You want me to hang out with you on a Sunday? Well then you better be dead. I’ll miss football games for your funeral. I’ll miss football games if you fly out here from across the country (though my focus might not always be on hanging out). I won’t miss them to go eat with friends. I won’t miss them to go shopping. I won’t miss them to go study. And I might not even miss them to go to Vegas. Oh, and a note to those of you who ever have a wedding on a Fall or Winter Sunday and expect my attendance: Statistics say that for at least a few of you, this won’t be your last wedding.

I’ll be there for the next one.

I promise.

Unless it’s on a Sunday.


On to the playoff preview:
This is it. This is what we’ve been playing the entire season for. These two weeks where the games mean the most. For some of you, you have nothing to play for at all, and I say see you next year. For others, all you have left to fight for is pride and a 5th place finish. And for the best of the best, it’s a bloody dogfight (whoops, can’t use that word—might end up with 23 months in prison)....it's a bloody battle for the championship. The top 4 teams in this league were so closely bunched that two one point matchups last weekend sent the standings into chaos. In the end, the grizzled veteran (me) ended up coming out on top, but in reality the playoff matchups were not altered at all. Let’s take a closer look:


(1)TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN v. (4) VOLDEMORT

This is a match up of two teams heading in the opposite direction. VOLDEMORT crushed the PAINTRAIN in the opening game of the season 102-80, and the victory propelled them to win 8 or their next 9 games. Every personnel decision seemed to pay off beautifully for this team early in the season. Sammy Morris was killing teams. He went down, and Fat Lendale White played like there were bugers and fries in every end zone around the league. Santana Moss struggles? That’s okay, Dwayne Bowe will just step in and become the best rookie WR in the league. VOLDEMORT was clearly the hottest team in the league at that point in time, that is until they ran into the PAINTRAIN for round 2. An ugly clash followed and at the end of the day, TRIPLE T emerged the victor 65-57 thanks to 6 Peyton Manning interceptions. The loss sent VOLDEMORT into a tailspin as they lost four of their next five, including three straight to end the season. The lone victory came over the hapless STEELERS OWN COWBOYS, and two of the losses were identical 106-82 beat downs by the two remaining playoff teams. In contrast, TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN enters the playoffs on a roll. After being beset by injuries and losing three of four games to start the season, the PAINTRAIN has ripped off 8 wins in its last 9 games. RB’s Adrian Peterson and Steven Jackson give the PAINTRAIN the most dangerous 1-2 combination in the league. A rotation of Drew Brees and Brett Favre at QB and a solid trio of WR’s make the PAINTRAIN very formidible. After being in first place for the majority of the season, can VOLDEMORT right the ship and pull off the upset? Don’t bet on it. The most dangerous playoff teams are the ones who enter with a head of steam, and right now the PAINTRAIN is speeding towards a championship.


(2) LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM v. (3) COWBOYS

Another match up of teams headed in the opposite directions. The +1 TEAM enters the playoffs having won four straight games, including one each over all of the other playoff teams. We could all say that the +1 TEAM has an amazing roster and that is the reason they are so strong, but that is just not the case. One thru nine this is a sold but not overwhelming roster, except for one player: Tom Brady. The guy is a monster and so long as he is playing, this team is never out of any game. And the scary thing for every other playoff team out there is Brady goes against the Jets this weekend and the winless Miami Dolphins next weekend. Yikes. The COWBOYS enter this match up having lost four of their last six and their hold on first place as well. This team should not be taken lightly however as they were far and away the leading scorers of the league. Only one team was within 100 points of their total (98 points behind), and they finished a whopping 185 points ahead of LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM this season. Those are downright dominating numbers. However, since their early season hot streak, the COWBOYS have been a very inconsistent team, both blowing out teams and getting blown out themselves. Which team will show up in the playoffs, and will it even matter with Brady playing? The answer is a simple no. The COWBOYS are the superior team, but Tom Brady trumps all of that. The Jets ratted out his team in week one of the season. The Patriots have been treating this whole year as one giant middle finger to the rest of the league and I fully expect them to destroy the Jets. Bill Belicheck has been trying to get Brady to set every record known to man. He is already on pace to break the most TD’s in a season. And the Patriots threw on 33 STRAIGHT plays last weekend. Yes, you read that right. However, one thing Brady has yet to do is set a single game record. Look for it this week: 600 yards, 7 TD’s.



CONSOLATION (BS) BRACKET:

No preview for Dummy Team 2 vs. Dummy Team 3, except to say that the upper echelon teams are damn lucky DT3 lost Ronnie Brown for the season at about the midway point. Brown was the top rated back when he went down, and he and LDT would have made life miserable for much of the league.

(6) PINK PONIES v. (7) BIG TUNA

PINK PONIES have been the most confusing team this season. I fully expected to see them in the top 4 at season’s end. Instead they became an afterthought. This team had both winning and losing streaks of four games. They also had the third highest point total of any team in the league. Part of the problem is this team’s fate is so tied into the performance of Wide Receivers. Granted, TO and Randy Moss are the two best receivers in the game, but the lack of consistent play from the RB spot has been costly (the LJ injury late in the year was not as devastating as I thought, thanks to his subpar season. Go back and look at what I wrote about him in the season preview. Psychic). Jamal Lewis has been coming on late though, so help may be on the way. If the inconsistent Carson Palmer regains his status as the 3rd best QB in the league, he, Moss and TO will provide PINK PONIES with enough fire power to crush teams on the way to 5th place (after all Moss will be catching all of those TD passes that Brady will be throwing). The troubling thing for PINK PONIES is that it runs against a team it has already lost to twice. BIG TUNA might be the only other team more inconsistent than PINK PONIES. It started the season 2-5, and closed it out 5-2. Tony Romo has unseated Palmer from the upper echelon of QB’s, RB ADDAI has emerged as quite the dual-threat out of the backfield, and WR Colston’s return to form coincides with BIG TUNA’S recent good fortunes. In fact, the Colston story is truly remarkable, and this former 7th round pick scored just enough points (21) to shake up the entire league last weekend. Yet despite everything in BIG TUNA’s favor, including the past two wins in this match up, I think this is the weekend that PINK PONIES gets its revenge. RB Selvin Young already struggled against Houston for BIG TUNA, and unless points can be made up elsewhere, things don’t look so great. It’ll be close, but in the end PINK PONIES should be playing for that oh so valuable 5th place finish next week, while BIG TUNA can only hope to beat DUMMY TEAM 2 and retain its 7th place ranking. Injuries undid both teams, and hopefully we can expect better luck, and stronger performances from these two players next season.


Finally, I did not want to write predictions for next week’s potential match ups because I’ve got to keep you coming back for more….

Happy Thanksgiving

Okay, I've been on many of you to watch the show Friday Night Lights. So far, I believe none of you are convinced. Well, the picture to the left is Minka Kelly, who plays Lyla Garrity, head cheerleader for the Dillon Panthers. Very hot. The show would still be great without her, and is critically acclaimed in its own right (I have not read one review by any TV critic that did not love the first season), but c'mon, she's good to look at and has some really genuine, heartfelt, moments in the show. The Season 1 DVD was priced at 20 bucks to try and lure in new viewers for this season. If that's not enough, NBC is offering a money back gaurantee if you don't like it. So go watch Season 1 (I'm not entirely sold on season 2 yet), and thank me later.

Now on to the fantasy football stuff:

First, Happy Thanksgiving. With three weeks left (including this one) before the playoffs, let’s take a look at where the teams stand:

VOLDEMORT has a tenuous grasp on first place, but if things fall the right way this weekend, this team could end up with a two game lead with two weeks left. COWBOYS own the tiebreaker though thanks to a massive lead in points, so VOLDEMORT should not feel too comfortable in first place. Not that playoff positioning matters all that much, as any of the top 5 teams could be formidable opponents. VOLDEMORT has clinched a playoff birth and should just hope that all of its players remain healthy.

The COWBOYS, with their massive point lead, are in good position to make the playoffs but are already trailing by 54 points through the Thursday games. Built around a strong stable of receivers and dynamic running back Brian Westbrook, this team can explode at any moment. Andre Johnson had been injured most of the year, but his first game back he caught a 73 yard pass for a TD. Braylon Edwards has been the surprise WR of the season, and though Burress has been slowed as of late due to an injured ankle, the potential is clearly there. As strong as this team is though, a loss this week and a loss next week would be absolutely devastating to this team’s chances.


TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN suffered a crushing blow to its playoff chances with the injury to Adrian Peterson and the loss to the INFITINTY + 1 TEAM last week. They gambled on Drew Brees to fill the QB spot, and he delivered with a disappointing 9 points. Lessons were learned however and Brett Favre is back in the starting lineup and delivered a magnificent game this week. The return of SJAX makes up for the loss of Peterson’s explosive ability with consistent production. The RB’s on this team will be fine, and if Peterson comes back, a platoon of MJD, SJAX, and Peterson would be scary for opposing teams in the playoffs. The trading of Welker for Marvin Harrison was a calculated risk and one that has paid off, but not in the expected way. Harrison has yet to play a game, but Greg Jennings has stepped up and played even better than Welker has. Its doubtful Jennings would have even seen the lineup, otherwise. Still though, the Welker trade could hurt if it helps the INFINITY + 1 TEAM in the playoffs.


Tom Brady has put LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM on his back, and how he goes, so goes the team. The running backs are hit or miss, as are the Wide Receivers, but as long as this team has Brady they are perhaps the most dangerous team around. The big worry for this team has to be what Patriots will do with Brady down the stretch. If the Pats sit Brady because they no longer have a chance at an undefeated season, suddenly, this team loses its explosiveness.

DUMMY TEAM 3 and BIG TUNA are facing off in a huge matchup this weekend. A win for BIGTUNA means they’ll only be a game (or 2 in the worst case scenario) out with two games left. However, a loss will all but eliminate them from the playoffs. Conversely, DUMMY TEAM 3 trails the INFINITY + 1 TEAM by a mere 3 points. A big scoring day with a win would likely mean DUMMY TEAM 3 would move into the 4th playoff spot for the time being. However, a loss might not be the end of the world either as DT3 gets RILEY’S RAIDERS next week for what looks to be a win. Both of these teams are built around stars that play on inconsistent offenses and if nothing else, they could be major spoilers down the road.

PINK PONIES has clearly caught a string of bad luck these past few weeks. It seems that every time this team turns in a stellar performance, the opposing team happens to be just slightly better. Everything would have to break exactly right for this team to even have a chance to make the playoffs, which is really fortunate for the top teams in the league because PINK PONIES is an opponent that must absolutely be feared. Only one team has scored more points, and the Palmer, Moss, T.O. combo has turned into something special. Roddy White all of a sudden has become a player as well, as has sleeper TE Donald Lee. Where this team was hurt however, was the loss of LJ and Lynch and the running back position. Anytime you have to start Cedrick Benson, things are not looking up for you (see the real life Chicago Bears).


STEELERS OWN COWBOYS is still the surprise team in the league even if it doesn’t win another game. They are a dangerous team as well, as so much of their success is tied into the success of the real life Steelers. If that team goes off, then so does this one. Anyone playing them in the coming weeks should be mindful of the Steelers opponents and hope they catch a break. Otherwise, it could be a long long day.


RILEY’S RAIDERS is in a tough position. I can’t shake the feeling that clearly the owner at least has a good idea on how to run a team, its just that a shaky draft is holding it back. The Derek Anderson signing was by far the FA pickup of the season as Anderson will likely finish with more fantasy points that Manning himself. So long as its not against me, I am still holding out hope that this team can pull out a win somewhere along the way.

Before we go, I'd like to plug Friday Night Lights again. I would watch this show regardless of how good looking the females in the show are (and there are more than just her). Its a great, great show about a coach, his family, and his football team. Its more a show about life than about football, but it is one of the most genuine shows (outside of a couple ridiculous football endings) that you'll find on tv. I can't stress this enough: GO BUY THE DVD'S. WATCH THIS SHOW. And now, a couple more pics for your viewing pleasure.

WAX ON. WAX OFF.

Well we have reached the virtual halfway point of this season, so its time for another review. In honor of the latest rumors of a Karate Kid remake (something I vehemently oppose) below are some quotes from the 1984 classic to go with your teams. Can anyone believe that most of us were two or three years old when this movie was released? How is it that I watched it so many times then? I mean, I have no older siblings so did my parents show me this movie the first time? Also, Ralph Maccio was like 22 years old when he first played Daniel-San and in his late 20’s when he finally shot Karate Kid 3. Could he really pass for a 17 year old kid then? And was he really ‘The Best Around’? Could nothing really ever keep him down? I guess he was, since rich "Allie with an 'i'" (Elizabeth Shue) went after him. And why were there always so many people at the 18 and under “All-Valley” Karate tournament? Wouldn’t those things tend to just draw parents and maybe a few friends of the fighters if they were lucky? I guess we should never underestimate the tremendous drawing power of the Cobra-Kai. Take a close look at that picture: "Music by Bill Conti"--The same guy who wrote the Rocky Music. Instant credibility to go along with an emotionally uplifting soundtracking. I love this movie, in case you couldn't already tell. Anyways, here are your quotes and rankings:


Kreese: What do we study here? Karate Class: THE WAY OF THE FIST SIR. Kreese: And what is that way? Karate Class: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR. Kreese: I can't hear you. Karate Class: STRIKE FIRST. STRIKE HARD. NO MERCY SIR

Goes to the COWBOYS. The Cowboys got off to a hot start this year and haven’t looked back. They struck first, and they struck hard taking out DUMMY TEAM 3, DUMMY TEAM 2, and TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN in the first three weeks of the season. No mercy? Well that will be seen in the coming weeks. Will this team allow other teams back into the race? Pivotal rematches are looming large.



Kreese: Fear does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI! Kreese: Pain does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI! Kreese: Defeat does not exist in this dojo, does it? Karate Class: NO, SENSEI!

Goes to VOLDEMORT, because ever since an early season loss to the INFINITY + 1 TEAM, defeat has not existed for VOLDEMORT either. Looking at the roster, I am not quite sure how the victories continue to pile up, but they do. This seems like a good place to point out that Chuck Norris was originally offered the role of Kreese, but turned it down because he did not want to portray Karate instructors in a bad light. How hilarious would he have been in that role?



[just before Johnny fights Daniel in the tournament] Kreese: Sweep the leg. [Johnny stares at him in shock] Kreese: Do you have a problem with that? Johnny Lawrence: No, Sensei. Kreese: No mercy.


Goes to LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM because I can just picture the owner of this team saying this for some reason. As a side note, you’ve got to love Billy Zabka playing Johnny as the quintessential ‘80’s bad guy. It doesn’t get any better than that. By the way, you can have your “wax on, wax off” line. Give me “Sweep the leg” and the chilling moment that follows it any day of the week.



Kreese: Bobby - I want him out of commission. Bobby: But Sensei, I can beat this guy! Kreese: I don't want him beaten. Bobby: But I'll be disqualified! Kreese: [icily] Out of commission


Goes to TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN. Injuries nearly took this team out early. Bulger went down. Steven Jackson went down. Lee Evans was nonexistent. And then just when it looked like the season was turning around, newly acquired Marvin Harrison is a game time decision, and SJax comes back to score a touchdown on his first possession and then leave the game due to a back injury. Can this team come back like Daniel-san and crane kick its opponents in the face? We’ll soon find out.


Daniel: [after seeing Miyagi practice the crane technique] Could you teach me? Miyagi: First learn stand, then learn fly. Nature rule, Daniel-san, not mine.

Goes to BIGTUNA who I am trying to guide through the season. I can’t teach you how to win (obviously I am having enough trouble securing my own wins these days) but I can try and suggest injury and bye week replacements for you. Of course this analogy makes me Mr. Miyagi. I guess I could live with that. By the way, how great is it that Miyagi does not come out as a spelling error on Microsoft Word? Is he that engrained as a cultural icon? If not, he deserves to be.


Tommy: Yeah! Get him a body bag!

Goes to Dummy Team 2 whose QB is Vince Young, he of the 42 yard passing game last week (and 43 fantasy points all season). The Madden Curse strikes again.


Ring Announcer: Daniel LaRusso’s gonna fight!? Daniel LaRusso’s going to fight!

Goes to STEELERS OWN COWBOYS. I thought this team would win one, maybe two games all year. They already have passed that mark. Who doesn’t love this dramatic moment at the end of this movie? It’s right up there with the ending when Daniel goes into his crane stance, the music crescendos, Kreese yells out to Johnny to “Finish him!”, Miyagi gives that little nod of the head, and then bang! It’s all over, Johnny’s down on the mat and everyone is going crazy. And the ultra classy villain presents the trophy to Daniel. "You're alright LaRusso!" Did I mention I love this movie? Can a movie end any better than that? On another note, who else is tired of all my rhetorical questions?



Miyagi: Better learn balance. Balance is key. Balance good, karate good. Everything good. Balance bad, better pack up, go home. Understand?

Goes to Pink Ponies who has yet to find any semblance of consistency this year. Twice this team has had huge games, only to be beaten by a team that was the high scorer of that week. Despite the 2-6 record, Pink Ponies almost has as many points as the 3rd place team, and has a higher point total than the two teams immediately above it. One thing is for certain. This is a dangerous team and could play the role of spoiler down the stretch.


Daniel: Wouldn't a fly swatter be easier? Miyagi: Man who catch fly with chopstick accomplish anything. Daniel: Ever catch one? Miyagi: Not yet.

Goes to the winless RILEY’S RAIDERS. If this team can ‘catch’ a win with that roster, then truly anything is possible. So long as its not against me, I’m certainly rooting to seen an upset win for this team somewhere down the stretch. One more fun fact before I leave: Pat Morita who plays Mr. Miyagi was nominated for an Oscar for his work in this classic movie.


Good Luck to all this week.

I leave you with some links to this classic, including one that will at least clue you in as to why I used some oddly framed language in the opening paragraph:

Best Around Montage


The Final Fight Scene--Also the "Sweep the leg" and "Get him a body bag" scenes are in this clip. Take a look at that huge crowd. "Hey Mr. Miyagi! We Did it! Alright!"

FANTASY FOOTBALL AND FOOTBALL MOVIES

I’m Back. Apologies for the long delays. But here it is on a Saturday night, the night before my birthday and how do I spend it? Writing a fantasy post for all of you, of course. Since its been so long since my last post, I wanted to try and do something a little different this time around. I’ve always been a sucker for sports movies, and in the spirit of that, I have decided to compare each of your teams to some of my favorite (or least favorite) football movies. So, in no particular order, here we go (Disclaimer: I'm sleepy, so there are likely more grammer errors than usual)….


LVL INFINTIY + 1 TEAM is Remember the Titans
Tag Line: They came together when their classmates would not

A solid all around Disney movie that everyone can love. It had its shares of ups and downs, but featured a charismatic star (Denzel Washington) and some up and coming performers. Of all the teams at the top of the leader board, +1 Team is surely the most unexpected, yet is one people can root for because of that. Disregarding positions for the moment, Tom Brady is the charismatic star on the team, with Marvin Harrison playing the Will Patton role. Much like Harrison, everyone always forgets how steady Patton is in movies and on TV. He just solidly turns in quiet performances and always brings something to the table. Brandon Marshall plays the role of Donald Faison (of Scrubs fame, and Petey in this movie) and Dallas Clark can be Kip Pardue (Sunshine). Too bad there is no Hayden Panettiere (the grown up version of course) or Kate Bosworth on this team. “You make them remember forever, the night they played the titans!”










PINK PONIES is Jerry Maguire
Tag Line: Show Me the Money!

Good sports movie, or the best chick flick of all time? The debate rages on (I need a ruling from a movie judge, I don’t even think Simmons (maybe the greatest sports/pop culture writer ever) has been able to figure this out). Much the same way, it is still unclear whether PINK PONIES is a solid contending team, or just a very good mediocre one. Between TO and Randy Moss, there is more than just a little bit of Rod Tidwell on this team. “I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE!” Sorry, I couldn’t resist throwing in that line.




RILEY’S RAIDERS is Rudy
Tagline: Sometimes a winner is just a dreamer who won’t quit.

The hard luck team of this league. It came oh so close to pulling out a victory two weeks ago against TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN yet could only manage a tie. Still, just like Rudy, the team hasn’t given up and has continued to make roster moves in an attempt to better the team. Rudy (Samwise Gamgee) fulfilled his dream by the end of the season, will RILEY’S RAIDERS get their win before the season is over? Stay Tuned to find out. Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!










VOLDEMORT is Friday Night Lights
Tagline: One Town. One Team. One Dream

One of the greatest movies sports or otherwise, ever made. The football scenes were extremely well done; there was a touching father-son story arc, plenty of goose-bump inducing moments, a guy named Boobie, a brilliant ending, and an absolutely perfect soundtrack featuring the band Explosions in the Sky. This is the definitive football movie in my opinion. VOLDEMORT might not quite live up to that, but the team is smoking hot right now having won three in a row and giving COWBOYS their only loss. But think about it, the Permian Panthers looked good going into the season but then lost Boobie Miles, the same way that VOLDEMORT lost the Deuce. Peyton Manning does a perfect Mike Winchell imitation (or is it the other way around?) and even the owner of VOLDEMORT could likely pull off a Billy Bob Thorton southern accent. Fat LenDale White would make a perfect drunk Billingsley, and Fast Willie Parker would make a good Chris Comer. Too bad there is no place for Ivory Christian or Chavez on this team. As much as I liked this move, I might like the first season of the show even more. Same great story, shot in present day, better looking girls, better tagline (clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose) and possibly even a better coach. You can’t go wrong, but “Can you be perfect?”









COWBOYS is The Program
Tagline: Pressure surrounds them. Competition divides them. Talent unites them.

The program might’ve been the best football movie I saw until I watched Friday Night Lights, just like the COWBOYS were the best team until they got knocked off by VOLDEMORT. McNabb enters the year with a bunch of hype, just like Joe Kane only both have failed to deliver on that promise. Kane disappeared into rehab and McNabb just disappeared. Westbrook makes a good Omar Epps/Darnell Jefferson with his return ability, and skills to catch the ball coming out of the backfield. There was also some controversy about the movie and laying down on a busy street, just like there is some controversy about the trade that this team just pulled off with PINK PONIES. On a related note, how devastating of an injury was that to Alvin Mack? How good would he have been in the pros? First round pick? I’d say definitely. Top 10? Maybe. See, that’s the danger of staying in school when you play football. You might as well come out early. There are very valuable lessons to be learned from this movie. Well that, and don’t lie down in a busy road and expect good things to happen. “Let’s open up a can of kick ass on ‘em and let the paramedics sort ‘em out”….Bonus quote: “Let’s put the women and children to bed and go looking for dinner.”








BIG TUNA is The Replacements

Everything about this team screams Replacements. The title alone makes sense. BIG TUNA did not draft its own team, and only makes roster moves on a custodial level. I also like the idea of Tony Romo, being compared to Shane “Footsteps” Falco. We’ve got Todd Heap as the deaf tight end with great hands. Joseph Addai and Travis Henry can team up and be equivalent to the religious running back who gets hurt scoring a TD (Addai) and the convict who takes his place (Henry). Jeff Wilkins is the Irish Kicker, and WR Colsten is definitely the Orlando Jones character with speed but a case of the drops. I also could imagine Lights Out Merriman (of San Diego’s defense) playing the role of the crazy linebacker. By the way, I loved John Madden’s cameo appearance here where he was pseudo analyzing Falco’s attempt to hook-up with the cheerleader. Every time I hear “Falco scores!” coming out of Madden’s mouth, I can’t help but laugh. There are a host of funny quotes from this movie, including “Nan desu ka!”; “I’ve seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that are better organized than this”; “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”
But I’ll leave you with this: "Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory….lasts forever”











STEELERS OWN COWBOYS is Little Giants
Tagline: Just Remember that football is 80% physical and 40% mental.

Just looking at the team STEELERS OWN COWBOYS has constructed it is easy to see why….okay, what the hell, I clearly have no analysis for this. I just couldn’t help myself.





















TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN is Any Given Sunday.
Tagline: Life is a contact sport

Potential. This movie oozed with potential. Al Pacino. Cameron Diaz. Jamie Foxx. Dennis Quaid. James Woods. LL Cool J. Aaron Eckhart. Jim Brown. The venerable Lawrence Taylor. Bill Belamy….okay, nevermind that one. Still though, all of that acting talent and Oliver Stone directing as well, yet this movie turned out to be pretty disappointing except for a few scenes. You have to wonder if that is how the season will play out for TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN. This team was loaded with talent coming into the season (Bulger, SJAX, MJD, Ocho Cinco) but injuries took a major toll. I don’t know what was more jarring, losing Steven Jackson to injury (my whole team was built around him) or seeing the guy losing an eyeball during a game in the movie. I just hope I have more good games that equate to scenes like the final game or the LT sawing LL Cool J’s SUV in half, and less bad ones like that horrible locker room scene (and I’ll just leave it at that). Despite the overall lethargic feel to the movie for the first 2 hours or so, the last game really redeems much of the movie, including the final speech. Will I have a redeeming moment like that before the season is over? I can only hope. So I leave you with this (in my mind this is the best movie speech before the big game of the season, ever):

(remember, you have to read this in Al Pacino’s voice):
I don’t know what to say, really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives. All comes down to today, and either, we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play. Until we're finished. We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell... one inch at a time. Now I can't do it for ya, I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I've pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me. And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know, when you get old, in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that's... that's... that's a part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losin' stuff. You find out life's this game of inches, so is football. Because in either game - life or football - the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this, in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch. And I know, if I'm gonna have any life anymore it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch, because that's what living is, the six inches in front of your face. Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think ya going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. Your gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it your gonna do the same for him. That's a team, gentlemen, and either, we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That's football guys, that's all it is. Now, what are you gonna do?


If you liked the speech, you can watch it here: Best Speech Ever

A REVIEW AT THE QUARTER MARK....

Well, we’re at the one quarter mark, let’s take a look at the season so far:


Best Team(s):

A week ago, this would’ve been a runaway for COWBOYS, but VOLDEMORT’s miraculous win on Sunday night makes these two teams even for the year. Yahoo might have COWBOYS ranked at the top, and when all is said and done they might be right, but I think for now the victory by VOLDEMORT in the head to head matchup negates the sizeable point advantage COWBOYS have for the season. That’s not to say either team has nothing but smooth sailing in front them. COWBOYS have to be worried about the dreadful performance McNabb put up last Sunday night. If you remove the ridiculous 29 point performance against Detroit in week 3, McNabb has averaged less than 10 points per game. Additionally, Westbrook has once again become an injury concern for fantasy owners everywhere. His injury ended up costing the COWBOYS their undefeated season. One has to wonder what else it may cost them down the road. On the bright side though, the depth at RB has already started to payoff as Peterson netted them a top 15 WR, and the COWBOYS have some depth (however inconsistent it may be) behind Westbrook. This team should stay in contention all year, but if the QB situation does not turn around, they may not remain in the top spot forever.

VOLDEMORT has done it with smoke and mirrors at the WR and RB2 positions. The injury to Deuce might end up being a blessing in disguise as it led to the inspired pickups of Sammy Morris and LenDale White. Both backs should continue to see their roles grow throughout the season. With Calvin Johnson’s nagging injury VOLDEMORT’s WR corps is thin, but if Bowe can continue his hot streak, then they will certainly look more imposing down the stretch. Gates, Manning and Parker should continue to be stalwarts at their respective positions, and the injury to Marvin Harrison could boost Reggie Wayne’s value considerably. If the person running VOLDEMORT can pick the correct matchups for his players throughout the season, this team will be alright.


Most Disappointing Team:

This one is easy. TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN has been racked with injuries and is nowhere near where it should be. This team’s top pick suffered a groin tear and when he finally returns will be playing behind a non-existent offensive line. The 2nd round pick has been a bust all season with 2 fumbles near the goal line. The 4th Round pick has played in 4 games yet has not even cracked 10 points on the season. And the 5th round pick actually scored negative two points in week 3. Certainly not the best way to start a season. However, I have been down this road before, and thought the hole is deep, it is not impossible to climb out of. I’ve been making roster moves fast and furious in effort to overhaul the roster. My 2nd best WR was traded to COWBOYS for red-hot rookie Adrian Peterson. With the return of Chester Taylor, his value might drop a little bit, but let’s face it, he is the Vikings offense. Some people project him as a top 5 RB by the time the season is done, and I am gambling that he at least will finish in the top 10. My 3rd string RB (who just happened to be my most consisted one) was moved for Favre and Witten. Favre is approaching top 5 QB status and Witten is already a top 4 TE. This will upgrade both positions on my team considerably. Hopefully this is the week that MJD returns to form, and in two weeks we could see the return of Steven Jackson. Peterson will be insurance in the event that one of those two don’t happen, and the bevy of WR changes I’ve made will hopefully allow me to play the best matchup each week alongside stud Chad Johnson. As bad as this season has been for me, I’m only two games out. This week will likely be pretty awful, but after that the season should start to turn around for me. It can only get better, right? Um, well, at least one can hope.


Surprise Team:

This is also an easy choice. STEELERS OWN COWBOYS was ridiculed by the idiot who wrote the preseason predictions. So much for that. This team is a Tom Brady game away from being 3-1. I’m still a bit baffled as to how its been done as there is only one team with a lower number of total points scored. There is also no team more tied to the success of a real NFL team than this one. If the Steelers take a nose-dive later in the year, or when they have a bye week, things could get ugly. Still, with the injury to Deuce, Reggie Bush could see an increased number of touches and experience an overall increase in fantasy production. This only makes STEELERS OWN COWBOYS that much more dangerous going forward.


The “Wait, how did that happen?” Team:

RILEY’S RAIDERS are 0-4, so one would expect them to have a weak roster, or one struggling with injuries right? Well, not exactly. The team features players with sold point totals all around. The problem is getting consistent performances from them each week. Marion Barber and the rejuvenated LaMont Jordan are a monster running back tandem. Through 4 weeks, both are in the top 5 in fantasy points for running backs. No one could’ve expected that, and no one probably had any inkling of that fact until they read it just now. The WR’s have been serviceable, and the defense will always contribute. The K has become one of the hottest free agent pickups this year as Dallas is all of a sudden an offensive juggernaut. The only thing keeping this team from being a legitimate contender week in and week out is the absolutely dismal play coming from their QB position. If Drew Brees ever figures it out, this team will win more than just a few games. The backup QB’s are solid, and Anderson has been a Cinderella story, but is an impossible play this week against NE. Still though, even plugging the brother of Payton in this week, should be enough for this team to get its first win of the season. That’s right, I am predicting a win this week for RILEY’S RAIDERS.


The BOOM or BUST Team(s):

This one goes to BIG TUNA and PINK PONIES. One week these teams are racking up fairly big point totals and the next, they are no where to be found. A lot, if not all, of BIG TUNA’s success stems from Tony Romo and Joseph Addai. These two put up huge numbers week in and week out. Travis Henry struggled two weeks ago against the Jags, but last week put up good numbers against a decent Colts defense. If he stays on this pace, this team will be dangerous. However, it’s the WR that will either cause BIG TUNA to stay on this up and down track, or truly rise to the level of a contender. These receivers were touted as the best receiving group that any team had at the start of the year. ESPN.com and every fantasy magazine around had Holt and Colston as bona fide number 1 receivers and had Walker just outside of that group. Now it seems as if Walker may be injured and Holt and Colston, who once played for prolific offenses, can barely even get the ball this season. If this group can get it together, BIG TUNA will be sitting pretty in the playoffs. BREAKING NEWS: TRAVIS HENRY MAY BE SUSPENDED FOR THE YEAR. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

In contrast, it is PINK PONIES WR’s that have been carrying the team. I derided the choice of Randy Moss when the year started and man, was I ever wrong. Moss is far and away the best receiver right now, and it’s not even close. With 7 TD’s in 4 games, he is on a ridiculous pace and we may even see some records broken. And with the Patriots offense as hot as it is, there is no signs that he will be slowing down anytime soon. Carson Palmer is a top 3 QB, and Shockey is a probable top 5 TE. The K and Defense are solid, so that only leaves the question marks at RB. Larry Johnson showed signs of life last week against the Chargers. He has a tough matchup this week against the Jags, but after that, we could see some big games from him. All Pink Ponies can ask for is this continued steady production from Jamal Lewis. A return to form from LJ and a consistent Lewis will make for a team with tantalizing upside come playoff time. I think when this season is over; PINK PONIES will finish slightly ahead of BIG TUNA, due in large part to only counting on the return to form of one premier player, instead of 3.

Teams that are lurking:

DUMMY TEAM 3 and LVL INFINTINY + 1 TEAM. Quietly, Dummy Team 3 has put up the second highest point total in the league. Ronnie Brown is the top rated back, and LDT should be there by the end of the season. The QB play is strong, but the receivers have cost this team one game.

LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM is currently on a two game winning streak that no one really saw coming. The team was largely untouted coming out of the draft, but is now favored by Yahoo to take down the top team in this league by a point. LVL INFINTIY + 1 TEAM’s success can largely be attributed to the active involvement of its owner. The Trade for James will bolster the backfield as Maroney has not lived up to the hype and Jacobs has been out. Dallas Clark will continue to put up big numbers from the TE position and it looks like Tom Brady is on a record breaking pace. Additionally, the free agent pick up of Brandon Marshall has paid off in a huge way. If you go to sleep on this team, it will surely bite you in the ass.