FANTASY FOOTBALL AND FOOTBALL MOVIES

I’m Back. Apologies for the long delays. But here it is on a Saturday night, the night before my birthday and how do I spend it? Writing a fantasy post for all of you, of course. Since its been so long since my last post, I wanted to try and do something a little different this time around. I’ve always been a sucker for sports movies, and in the spirit of that, I have decided to compare each of your teams to some of my favorite (or least favorite) football movies. So, in no particular order, here we go (Disclaimer: I'm sleepy, so there are likely more grammer errors than usual)….


LVL INFINTIY + 1 TEAM is Remember the Titans
Tag Line: They came together when their classmates would not

A solid all around Disney movie that everyone can love. It had its shares of ups and downs, but featured a charismatic star (Denzel Washington) and some up and coming performers. Of all the teams at the top of the leader board, +1 Team is surely the most unexpected, yet is one people can root for because of that. Disregarding positions for the moment, Tom Brady is the charismatic star on the team, with Marvin Harrison playing the Will Patton role. Much like Harrison, everyone always forgets how steady Patton is in movies and on TV. He just solidly turns in quiet performances and always brings something to the table. Brandon Marshall plays the role of Donald Faison (of Scrubs fame, and Petey in this movie) and Dallas Clark can be Kip Pardue (Sunshine). Too bad there is no Hayden Panettiere (the grown up version of course) or Kate Bosworth on this team. “You make them remember forever, the night they played the titans!”










PINK PONIES is Jerry Maguire
Tag Line: Show Me the Money!

Good sports movie, or the best chick flick of all time? The debate rages on (I need a ruling from a movie judge, I don’t even think Simmons (maybe the greatest sports/pop culture writer ever) has been able to figure this out). Much the same way, it is still unclear whether PINK PONIES is a solid contending team, or just a very good mediocre one. Between TO and Randy Moss, there is more than just a little bit of Rod Tidwell on this team. “I LOVE BLACK PEOPLE!” Sorry, I couldn’t resist throwing in that line.




RILEY’S RAIDERS is Rudy
Tagline: Sometimes a winner is just a dreamer who won’t quit.

The hard luck team of this league. It came oh so close to pulling out a victory two weeks ago against TRIPLE T’s PAINTRAIN yet could only manage a tie. Still, just like Rudy, the team hasn’t given up and has continued to make roster moves in an attempt to better the team. Rudy (Samwise Gamgee) fulfilled his dream by the end of the season, will RILEY’S RAIDERS get their win before the season is over? Stay Tuned to find out. Rudy! Rudy! Rudy!










VOLDEMORT is Friday Night Lights
Tagline: One Town. One Team. One Dream

One of the greatest movies sports or otherwise, ever made. The football scenes were extremely well done; there was a touching father-son story arc, plenty of goose-bump inducing moments, a guy named Boobie, a brilliant ending, and an absolutely perfect soundtrack featuring the band Explosions in the Sky. This is the definitive football movie in my opinion. VOLDEMORT might not quite live up to that, but the team is smoking hot right now having won three in a row and giving COWBOYS their only loss. But think about it, the Permian Panthers looked good going into the season but then lost Boobie Miles, the same way that VOLDEMORT lost the Deuce. Peyton Manning does a perfect Mike Winchell imitation (or is it the other way around?) and even the owner of VOLDEMORT could likely pull off a Billy Bob Thorton southern accent. Fat LenDale White would make a perfect drunk Billingsley, and Fast Willie Parker would make a good Chris Comer. Too bad there is no place for Ivory Christian or Chavez on this team. As much as I liked this move, I might like the first season of the show even more. Same great story, shot in present day, better looking girls, better tagline (clear eyes, full hearts, can’t lose) and possibly even a better coach. You can’t go wrong, but “Can you be perfect?”









COWBOYS is The Program
Tagline: Pressure surrounds them. Competition divides them. Talent unites them.

The program might’ve been the best football movie I saw until I watched Friday Night Lights, just like the COWBOYS were the best team until they got knocked off by VOLDEMORT. McNabb enters the year with a bunch of hype, just like Joe Kane only both have failed to deliver on that promise. Kane disappeared into rehab and McNabb just disappeared. Westbrook makes a good Omar Epps/Darnell Jefferson with his return ability, and skills to catch the ball coming out of the backfield. There was also some controversy about the movie and laying down on a busy street, just like there is some controversy about the trade that this team just pulled off with PINK PONIES. On a related note, how devastating of an injury was that to Alvin Mack? How good would he have been in the pros? First round pick? I’d say definitely. Top 10? Maybe. See, that’s the danger of staying in school when you play football. You might as well come out early. There are very valuable lessons to be learned from this movie. Well that, and don’t lie down in a busy road and expect good things to happen. “Let’s open up a can of kick ass on ‘em and let the paramedics sort ‘em out”….Bonus quote: “Let’s put the women and children to bed and go looking for dinner.”








BIG TUNA is The Replacements

Everything about this team screams Replacements. The title alone makes sense. BIG TUNA did not draft its own team, and only makes roster moves on a custodial level. I also like the idea of Tony Romo, being compared to Shane “Footsteps” Falco. We’ve got Todd Heap as the deaf tight end with great hands. Joseph Addai and Travis Henry can team up and be equivalent to the religious running back who gets hurt scoring a TD (Addai) and the convict who takes his place (Henry). Jeff Wilkins is the Irish Kicker, and WR Colsten is definitely the Orlando Jones character with speed but a case of the drops. I also could imagine Lights Out Merriman (of San Diego’s defense) playing the role of the crazy linebacker. By the way, I loved John Madden’s cameo appearance here where he was pseudo analyzing Falco’s attempt to hook-up with the cheerleader. Every time I hear “Falco scores!” coming out of Madden’s mouth, I can’t help but laugh. There are a host of funny quotes from this movie, including “Nan desu ka!”; “I’ve seen monkey shit fights at the zoo that are better organized than this”; “That’ll do pig, that’ll do.”
But I’ll leave you with this: "Pain heals. Chicks dig scars. Glory….lasts forever”











STEELERS OWN COWBOYS is Little Giants
Tagline: Just Remember that football is 80% physical and 40% mental.

Just looking at the team STEELERS OWN COWBOYS has constructed it is easy to see why….okay, what the hell, I clearly have no analysis for this. I just couldn’t help myself.





















TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN is Any Given Sunday.
Tagline: Life is a contact sport

Potential. This movie oozed with potential. Al Pacino. Cameron Diaz. Jamie Foxx. Dennis Quaid. James Woods. LL Cool J. Aaron Eckhart. Jim Brown. The venerable Lawrence Taylor. Bill Belamy….okay, nevermind that one. Still though, all of that acting talent and Oliver Stone directing as well, yet this movie turned out to be pretty disappointing except for a few scenes. You have to wonder if that is how the season will play out for TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN. This team was loaded with talent coming into the season (Bulger, SJAX, MJD, Ocho Cinco) but injuries took a major toll. I don’t know what was more jarring, losing Steven Jackson to injury (my whole team was built around him) or seeing the guy losing an eyeball during a game in the movie. I just hope I have more good games that equate to scenes like the final game or the LT sawing LL Cool J’s SUV in half, and less bad ones like that horrible locker room scene (and I’ll just leave it at that). Despite the overall lethargic feel to the movie for the first 2 hours or so, the last game really redeems much of the movie, including the final speech. Will I have a redeeming moment like that before the season is over? I can only hope. So I leave you with this (in my mind this is the best movie speech before the big game of the season, ever):

(remember, you have to read this in Al Pacino’s voice):
I don’t know what to say, really. Three minutes to the biggest battle of our professional lives. All comes down to today, and either, we heal as a team, or we're gonna crumble. Inch by inch, play by play. Until we're finished. We're in hell right now, gentlemen. Believe me. And, we can stay here, get the shit kicked out of us, or we can fight our way back into the light. We can climb outta hell... one inch at a time. Now I can't do it for ya, I'm too old. I look around, I see these young faces and I think, I mean, I've made every wrong choice a middle-aged man can make. I, uh, I've pissed away all my money, believe it or not. I chased off anyone who's ever loved me. And lately, I can't even stand the face I see in the mirror. You know, when you get old, in life, things get taken from you. I mean, that's... that's... that's a part of life. But, you only learn that when you start losin' stuff. You find out life's this game of inches, so is football. Because in either game - life or football - the margin for error is so small. I mean, one half a step too late or too early and you don't quite make it. One half second too slow, too fast and you don't quite catch it. The inches we need are everywhere around us. They're in every break of the game, every minute, every second. On this team we fight for that inch. On this team we tear ourselves and everyone else around us to pieces for that inch. We claw with our fingernails for that inch. Because we know when add up all those inches, that's gonna make the fucking difference between winning and losing! Between living and dying! I'll tell you this, in any fight it's the guy whose willing to die whose gonna win that inch. And I know, if I'm gonna have any life anymore it's because I'm still willing to fight and die for that inch, because that's what living is, the six inches in front of your face. Now I can't make you do it. You've got to look at the guy next to you, look into his eyes. Now I think ya going to see a guy who will go that inch with you. Your gonna see a guy who will sacrifice himself for this team, because he knows when it comes down to it your gonna do the same for him. That's a team, gentlemen, and either, we heal, now, as a team, or we will die as individuals. That's football guys, that's all it is. Now, what are you gonna do?


If you liked the speech, you can watch it here: Best Speech Ever

A REVIEW AT THE QUARTER MARK....

Well, we’re at the one quarter mark, let’s take a look at the season so far:


Best Team(s):

A week ago, this would’ve been a runaway for COWBOYS, but VOLDEMORT’s miraculous win on Sunday night makes these two teams even for the year. Yahoo might have COWBOYS ranked at the top, and when all is said and done they might be right, but I think for now the victory by VOLDEMORT in the head to head matchup negates the sizeable point advantage COWBOYS have for the season. That’s not to say either team has nothing but smooth sailing in front them. COWBOYS have to be worried about the dreadful performance McNabb put up last Sunday night. If you remove the ridiculous 29 point performance against Detroit in week 3, McNabb has averaged less than 10 points per game. Additionally, Westbrook has once again become an injury concern for fantasy owners everywhere. His injury ended up costing the COWBOYS their undefeated season. One has to wonder what else it may cost them down the road. On the bright side though, the depth at RB has already started to payoff as Peterson netted them a top 15 WR, and the COWBOYS have some depth (however inconsistent it may be) behind Westbrook. This team should stay in contention all year, but if the QB situation does not turn around, they may not remain in the top spot forever.

VOLDEMORT has done it with smoke and mirrors at the WR and RB2 positions. The injury to Deuce might end up being a blessing in disguise as it led to the inspired pickups of Sammy Morris and LenDale White. Both backs should continue to see their roles grow throughout the season. With Calvin Johnson’s nagging injury VOLDEMORT’s WR corps is thin, but if Bowe can continue his hot streak, then they will certainly look more imposing down the stretch. Gates, Manning and Parker should continue to be stalwarts at their respective positions, and the injury to Marvin Harrison could boost Reggie Wayne’s value considerably. If the person running VOLDEMORT can pick the correct matchups for his players throughout the season, this team will be alright.


Most Disappointing Team:

This one is easy. TRIPLE T’S PAINTRAIN has been racked with injuries and is nowhere near where it should be. This team’s top pick suffered a groin tear and when he finally returns will be playing behind a non-existent offensive line. The 2nd round pick has been a bust all season with 2 fumbles near the goal line. The 4th Round pick has played in 4 games yet has not even cracked 10 points on the season. And the 5th round pick actually scored negative two points in week 3. Certainly not the best way to start a season. However, I have been down this road before, and thought the hole is deep, it is not impossible to climb out of. I’ve been making roster moves fast and furious in effort to overhaul the roster. My 2nd best WR was traded to COWBOYS for red-hot rookie Adrian Peterson. With the return of Chester Taylor, his value might drop a little bit, but let’s face it, he is the Vikings offense. Some people project him as a top 5 RB by the time the season is done, and I am gambling that he at least will finish in the top 10. My 3rd string RB (who just happened to be my most consisted one) was moved for Favre and Witten. Favre is approaching top 5 QB status and Witten is already a top 4 TE. This will upgrade both positions on my team considerably. Hopefully this is the week that MJD returns to form, and in two weeks we could see the return of Steven Jackson. Peterson will be insurance in the event that one of those two don’t happen, and the bevy of WR changes I’ve made will hopefully allow me to play the best matchup each week alongside stud Chad Johnson. As bad as this season has been for me, I’m only two games out. This week will likely be pretty awful, but after that the season should start to turn around for me. It can only get better, right? Um, well, at least one can hope.


Surprise Team:

This is also an easy choice. STEELERS OWN COWBOYS was ridiculed by the idiot who wrote the preseason predictions. So much for that. This team is a Tom Brady game away from being 3-1. I’m still a bit baffled as to how its been done as there is only one team with a lower number of total points scored. There is also no team more tied to the success of a real NFL team than this one. If the Steelers take a nose-dive later in the year, or when they have a bye week, things could get ugly. Still, with the injury to Deuce, Reggie Bush could see an increased number of touches and experience an overall increase in fantasy production. This only makes STEELERS OWN COWBOYS that much more dangerous going forward.


The “Wait, how did that happen?” Team:

RILEY’S RAIDERS are 0-4, so one would expect them to have a weak roster, or one struggling with injuries right? Well, not exactly. The team features players with sold point totals all around. The problem is getting consistent performances from them each week. Marion Barber and the rejuvenated LaMont Jordan are a monster running back tandem. Through 4 weeks, both are in the top 5 in fantasy points for running backs. No one could’ve expected that, and no one probably had any inkling of that fact until they read it just now. The WR’s have been serviceable, and the defense will always contribute. The K has become one of the hottest free agent pickups this year as Dallas is all of a sudden an offensive juggernaut. The only thing keeping this team from being a legitimate contender week in and week out is the absolutely dismal play coming from their QB position. If Drew Brees ever figures it out, this team will win more than just a few games. The backup QB’s are solid, and Anderson has been a Cinderella story, but is an impossible play this week against NE. Still though, even plugging the brother of Payton in this week, should be enough for this team to get its first win of the season. That’s right, I am predicting a win this week for RILEY’S RAIDERS.


The BOOM or BUST Team(s):

This one goes to BIG TUNA and PINK PONIES. One week these teams are racking up fairly big point totals and the next, they are no where to be found. A lot, if not all, of BIG TUNA’s success stems from Tony Romo and Joseph Addai. These two put up huge numbers week in and week out. Travis Henry struggled two weeks ago against the Jags, but last week put up good numbers against a decent Colts defense. If he stays on this pace, this team will be dangerous. However, it’s the WR that will either cause BIG TUNA to stay on this up and down track, or truly rise to the level of a contender. These receivers were touted as the best receiving group that any team had at the start of the year. ESPN.com and every fantasy magazine around had Holt and Colston as bona fide number 1 receivers and had Walker just outside of that group. Now it seems as if Walker may be injured and Holt and Colston, who once played for prolific offenses, can barely even get the ball this season. If this group can get it together, BIG TUNA will be sitting pretty in the playoffs. BREAKING NEWS: TRAVIS HENRY MAY BE SUSPENDED FOR THE YEAR. THIS CHANGES EVERYTHING.

In contrast, it is PINK PONIES WR’s that have been carrying the team. I derided the choice of Randy Moss when the year started and man, was I ever wrong. Moss is far and away the best receiver right now, and it’s not even close. With 7 TD’s in 4 games, he is on a ridiculous pace and we may even see some records broken. And with the Patriots offense as hot as it is, there is no signs that he will be slowing down anytime soon. Carson Palmer is a top 3 QB, and Shockey is a probable top 5 TE. The K and Defense are solid, so that only leaves the question marks at RB. Larry Johnson showed signs of life last week against the Chargers. He has a tough matchup this week against the Jags, but after that, we could see some big games from him. All Pink Ponies can ask for is this continued steady production from Jamal Lewis. A return to form from LJ and a consistent Lewis will make for a team with tantalizing upside come playoff time. I think when this season is over; PINK PONIES will finish slightly ahead of BIG TUNA, due in large part to only counting on the return to form of one premier player, instead of 3.

Teams that are lurking:

DUMMY TEAM 3 and LVL INFINTINY + 1 TEAM. Quietly, Dummy Team 3 has put up the second highest point total in the league. Ronnie Brown is the top rated back, and LDT should be there by the end of the season. The QB play is strong, but the receivers have cost this team one game.

LVL INFINITY + 1 TEAM is currently on a two game winning streak that no one really saw coming. The team was largely untouted coming out of the draft, but is now favored by Yahoo to take down the top team in this league by a point. LVL INFINTIY + 1 TEAM’s success can largely be attributed to the active involvement of its owner. The Trade for James will bolster the backfield as Maroney has not lived up to the hype and Jacobs has been out. Dallas Clark will continue to put up big numbers from the TE position and it looks like Tom Brady is on a record breaking pace. Additionally, the free agent pick up of Brandon Marshall has paid off in a huge way. If you go to sleep on this team, it will surely bite you in the ass.